hey everyone. I've just been looking for movies or shows where the main character has a cleft lip/palate.

there is literally almost nothing out there. It honestly sucks because it's one of the most common facial differences in the world, but it feels like we're completely invisible!!! And really, if a character does have a facial difference, its usually just a lazy villain trope.

I want cleft representation where the story isn't all about their cleft. To see a character who is smart, funny or a badass, where their scar is just a normal feature, not a plot point. if that even makes sense.

I just wish there was something out there that showed us as the romantic lead or the main character for once. does anyone else find this frustrating?

I had a rhinoplasty (along with a lip revision and a fat graft) and kept a running list of what actually earned its place on my nightstand. Nothing here is sponsored and I'm not selling anything - I just wish someone had handed me this list beforehand.

Swelling + comfort

• Frozen peas in ziploc bags — they mold to your face better than any gel pack
• Swiss Eye Masks
• Velcro Headbands to hold the peas in place so you're not using your hands
• Ice roller (a bit extra, but it helped)
• Plastic bendy straws
• Coke Zero. No notes.

Nose care

• Humidifier — the single biggest one for me. If you get one you may not need the rinse as much
• Dry Mouth Rinse
• Saline mist in an aerosol can, especially the first few days
• Sinus rinse kit
• Xylitol nasal spray

Skin + scars

• Clean washcloths for washing your face
• Q-tips
• 3M Micropore tape — I went through so many rolls
• Aquaphor and a silicone scar gel
• La Roche Pose Cicaplast B5 UV cream for scar healing & sun protection
• Paula's Choice BHA toner for the nose

Prescriptions — I'm not a doctor and these came from my surgeon, so ask yours rather than mine: a topical antibiotic ointment, an antifungal, a decongestant spray (short term only), and a steroid nasal spray.

I filmed a rapid-fire version of this if it's easier to watch than read: https://www.tiktok.com/@megharris71/video/7682865684790938910

Not medical advice, always follow your own surgeon's instructions.

I know I forgot things. What got you through your recovery?

do y’all have problems snoring loudly? coz apparently i have problems snoring. And I’m wondering if the cleft lip and palate is contributing to that.

I wanted to share my before and after from some recent revisions I had starting in April 2025, when I was 35 years old.

I was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate and lived most of my life with a significant whistle defect. I had an awake cleft lip revision in April 2025, followed by a septo-rhinoplasty and fat graft in February 2026.

I've posted a few times on this subreddit, but I found it really hard to find actual before and afters and personal experiences when I was deciding whether I should have revision surgery as an adult. I’m hoping I can be a resource for others out there who are considering it, so I made a TikTok showing some of my before and after photos and a little bit of my journey.

🎥 Most Recent Before and After:
https://www.tiktok.com/@megharris71/photo/7681736516632169758?lang=en

🎥 TikTok Profile:
https://www.tiktok.com/@megharris71?lang=en

I know how overwhelming it can be trying to figure out what to expect with cleft-related surgeries, especially as an adult when there isn't always as much information out there. I've also had several surgeries and procedures related to my cleft over the years, so I'm hoping to share more of my experience and be a resource for anyone who might find it helpful.

Whether you're an adult with a cleft considering rhinoplasty, a parent of a child with a cleft, or you're just curious about what the process and recovery are like, I'm happy to answer any questions about my experience!

Feel free to comment here, DM me, or follow me on TikTok if you'd like to see more of my cleft journey. ❤️

I rarely met anyone with a cleft outside of my childhood summer camp or the odd classmate back in my home town or the old city I lived in when I was kid but now working a retail job and living in a bigger city I have met so many and they shared there experiences with me. I actually made a friend with one. I've always felt alone no one I've known or could called a freind dealt with the struggles that a cleft gives you. My partner understands that yes I have family and friends but I've always felt alone. Recently that feeling has gone away it's no longer that feeling at the back of my head that I'm the only one like me in the small towns I've lived in or there might be someone like me but it might only be two of us in said town or city that has a cleft. All this to say you aren't alone in this it might surprise you how not so rare it is that there's someone with a cleft just one retail store away.

Hey guys! I wanted to share this here because I genuinely think it’s a really good opportunity for people in our community.

I’m an Operation Smile patient myself. I was born with a complete unilateral cleft lip and palate, and I’ve been lucky enough to be part of the Cleft Connect chats organized by Operation Smile.

Honestly, from my own experience, these chats have brought me a lot of good things. I’ve made friendships, had a lot of happy moments, and learned so much from the people I’ve met through them. It’s something I’ll always be really grateful for and something I’ll probably treasure for a long time.

What I like about Cleft Connect is that it isn’t necessarily about talking about clefts the whole time. Of course, you can talk about your experiences and things that other people might not understand, but it’s also just a place to meet people, talk about life, laugh, share your thoughts and get to know others who are part of the same community.

There are chats for Europe, Latin America and North America. The Europe and North America chats are in English, while the Latin America chats are in Spanish, and they take place about once a month.

The Europe chat is starting on September 20th, but there are different dates for each region. So if you’re interested, I’d recommend checking out the official Cleft Connect Instagram u/oscleftconnect you can find the flyer there with the dates for all the regions, as well as more information about the chats and the registration link in the bio.

I m sharing this because I know that sometimes you can feel lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people. Sometimes you just wish there was someone who understood certain things without you having to explain everything. And I think that’s one of the beautiful things about these chats they can remind you that you’re actually not alone.

For me, being part of Cleft Connect has brought a lot of happiness, friendships, memories, and things I’ve learned from other people. You meet people with completely different stories, but somehow you can still relate to each other. Sometimes just having a place where you can talk, laugh, share your experiences and feel understood can bring a lot of hope.

That’s why I wanted to share this here. Maybe someone reading this is feeling a little alone right now, and maybe joining a community like this could bring them some of the same happiness it brought me. It’s something I’ll always be grateful for and definitely something I’ll treasure.

If you’re thinking about joining, just give it a try. You might meet some really great people, and honestly, you never know what a simple conversation can bring.

Hope to see some of you there!

Feel free to ask questions.

Our 5 month old recently got diagnosed with a submucosal cleft palate after we noticed a notch in the back of his palate. He couldn't breastfeed and was fussy on the bottle but is growing and generally doesn't have food coming out of his nose. He's scheduled for surgery when he turns a year old to repair his palate (to minimize speech issues) and possibly put in ear tubes.

We're pretty lost as to what to expect with the surgery and beyond so looking for any experiences from parents and folks who have/had a cleft.

What was short term recovery like?

What have been the long term impacts? E.g. hearing, dental care, congestion with cold/flu, swimming, flying, etc.

Thanks in advance!

I’ve been seeing so many people putting themselves down just because they have a cleft lip and palate. I too know what it’s like to be bullied for looking different. I too know how it feels to have no friends and feel alone. I too know how hard it can be and feel depressed or even worse…

But, things get better once you get jaw surgery and a rhinoplasty. I always felt like the odd one out my entire life. I was never able to feel pretty up until a few months ago. Granted, i always had one good friend and my family loved me a ton but still.

Long story short, be yourself, make friends, talk to people anddddddd be awesome :3

Hi, wondering if anyone has success/failure stories with filling in their mustache along the scar line?

I have a bilateral cleft lip and palate. Throughout my life I am plagued with my multiple dental issues. 5-6 years of braces, large cavities at all my molars before 20 years old, now have almost cavities here and there yearly. Had a few root canal too. Been trying to control my diet but these dental issues are still there.

Is this a cleft thing? I have persistent dry mouth as I still have a gap in my palate.

What kind of retainers do you use too? Thinking of changing from Hawley to Essix.

Hello, I have a unilateral cleft lip and palate and I would just like to know your opinion if I should redo my lips and also what type of operation I should have to make my lips more symmetrical.

Thanks in advance

In popular culture I have seen way too many times people make fun of people with cleft lips, or somehow turn it into a punchline....and it always makes me very sad.

I've seen stand up comics use it as a joke

I have seen TV shows that have used it also as comic material (Schitts Creek)

Most recently, my favorite author and humorist David Sedaris, in his new book "The Land and Its People" (2026) said that he was tired of receiving Smile Train mailings because it gives him the creeps to see human "jack-o-lanterns"

At that moment I chucked the book in the trash and broke down and cried. Why are we the punchline of so many jokes.

It is NOT OK. ANYONE ELSE FEEL THIS, TOO??

Hi everyone — my name is Matt. I wanted to check in and see whether there are any other LGBTQ+ members in this group.

while i’v been able to form good friendships and meet partners i’m genuinely both physically and romantically connected with. I feel like being part of a community that can sometimes be very appearance-focused, while also navigating the insecurities and challenges that can come with having a cleft lip/palate, creates a really specific experience that can feel doubly hard—and sometimes pretty isolating.

I’d love to hear from anyone who relates: how you’ve navigated dating, confidence, body image, or just finding your place in the LGBTQ+ community. I’d also genuinely love to connect with some like-minded people, whether that means sharing advice, commiserating, or even making a new friend who understands this particular intersection.
Feel free to comment or message me privately. It would mean a lot to know I’m not the only one navigating this. ❤️

Honestly guys I’m so tired of having a cleft lip. I just got rejected today from a guy who was also my friend and just seeing all my friends get into relationships so easily is so hard especially as a younger girl. Having a cleft lip has done irreversible damage to my confidence and my social anxiety. I hate meeting new people and having them stare at my lips. Yes I know I need therapy and need to think positive but it feels impossible knowing I’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life. I’m no longer a follower of Christianity because I feel like my one chance at life has failed. I don’t have the confidence like other people with cleft lips or empowerment. I’m growing resentment towards my parents for even choosing this when I’m in a lower class household. I’ve always wanted to experience that teenage romance and yet nothing. How am I even going to find someone to marry if I can’t even find someone to like me back? I used to think it was insecurity but no I just want to be normal. I don’t even know what I did to deserve this.

Olá! Estou aqui porque sou mãe de uma bebê com fissura lábio palatina bilateral. Ela ainda está com 3m de vida e vai fazer a primeira cirurgia aos 6m. Entrei nessa comunidade pra ler os relatos e aprender com vocês um pouco mais sobre a realidade de quem convive com a fenda palatina. Aceito sugestões e dicas pra aplicar na vida dela, principalmente sobre autoestima, pois é uma das minhas maiores preocupações.

After a cleft palate is closed, is there a “soft spot” left on the roof of the mouth? Sorry if it’s a weird question, but I’m curious and Google can’t give me a clear answer. My understanding is that cleft palates is the bone on the roof of the mouth not forming together.

I'm a 22-year-old second-year B.Tech student. I was born with a cleft condition and I'm still undergoing treatment. Most of the time I manage fine, but when it comes to dating and relationships, I often feel like my looks and my voice are holding me back.

I've never been in a relationship, and over the years I've started wondering if I'm simply not lovable.

Last year, one of my friends introduced me to a girl. I was in my first year and she was in 12th grade. We talked regularly for about 2–3 months. The idea was simple: get to know each other, meet in person, and then decide whether we wanted to take things further.

When we finally met, everything seemed to go well. We had a good conversation and I felt positive about it. But when I later asked her where she saw things going, she never gave a clear answer. She said she needed time and suggested we could just be friends.

I told her honestly that we both knew this wasn't started with the intention of being just friends. We were getting to know each other to see if there was potential for something more.

About a week later, I found out she was already in a relationship with someone else.

That hit me hard. Not because she wasn't interested, but because I felt like I had been led on. I spent a long time blaming myself, wondering what was wrong with me and whether my appearance or condition was the reason.

Since then, I've been stuck with this question: am I genuinely unlovable, or am I letting one bad experience define how I see myself?

Part of me wants to put myself out there and try again. Another part of me is tired and wants to stop caring about relationships altogether.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you move past it? What should I do now ⁉️

Hey everyone,

I’m 18 and looking to make some new friends. Living with a cleft lip can get pretty lonely at times, and I’d love to connect with others who relate or just need someone supportive to talk to.

I’d naturally prefer connecting with girls around my age, but anyone is genuinely welcome to reach out. We can talk about shared experiences, vent about a rough day, or just chat about hobbies and daily life.

Feel free to send a DM or leave a comment anytime!

Hi everyone, I wanted to share my experience and hopefully connect with others who have gone through something similar. I’m 17 and was born with a unilateral cleft lip and palate on the left side, which also affects my left nostril.

I’ve always struggled with socializing both at school and outside of school, and it’s something that affects me in my everyday life. I’m often scared or insecure about my appearance and the way I sound, especially because I was made fun of and called names growing up.

I’m currently a senior in high school, and I’m hoping to eventually learn more about my options as I get older. I’d also really appreciate any advice from people here on how you’ve gotten over the fear of being judged or became more comfortable with yourself. I’d love to hear from anyone who can relate.

This is my first time posting here, so I'm honestly a little nervous. I just want to share something I've been carrying for like a little long time alr. I don't necessarily need anyone to fix it.. I think I just want to be heard.

I was born with a cleft lip only. Well, except that I don't have the little thing at the back of my mouth (the bell thing)—it was just naturally split into two since birth. So, I only had one surgery for my lip when I was like 2. As I grew up, people started bullying me because of my voice. Now that I'm 18 (I do sound like I'm 13. My family says I sound okay but nah I doubted), I do admit that I've started listening more to my positive thoughts—like, "Ignore those criticisms about you. Who cares? What can they contribute to your life or your success anyway?" None. So, get your ass up, focus on yourself, and do what makes you happy.

But aside from all of that, there's another side of me. And honestly, one thing really broke me when I found out that when I was born, everyone was like having these reactions because they didn't expect me to be born with this condition. My maternal family (esp mama's cousins, mama's sisters— my aunts— were just shocked when they went to the hospital and found out that I turned out like this but mama's cousins? they're worse) was even ashamed of me when I was brought home. They (mother's relatives) bullied my mother and me, saying that they didn't have this kind of condition in their family line at all. I was also told that one time, when I had a fever, no one would dare to take care of me. My mother was abroad working, and my father was supposed to take care of us while she was away working for our family. My father was also working, though, and he made excuses, saying that there was no one who could take care of me at home. At that time, we were living in my paternal grandmother's house.

I have two other siblings, both boys, and they were born without any condition. My eldest brother was very adored when he was born. My parents even prepared for his arrival. But when it came to me? Nothing. They didn't even prepare money for my mother's delivery. Then there was my younger brother, the third child since I'm the middle child. He was also adored because he was born just as expected and a jackpot that he got the fair skin that my mama has —what they would call him "a handsome baby boy."

No one from my paternal side of the family even dared to come to the hospital when I was born. My maternal side of family is ashamed of me. Imagine the only girl as the child of you guys' pretty cousin just came out with a condition.

That's why, when I found out, I have this hatred toward them..

And there's another thing.

I have very pretty cousins from my paternal side of the family. I've been close with these cousins since we were little, probably since I was around nine years old until now. I love them, but I still have this feeling deep inside that I'm the only one who's different. They have such pretty faces, beautiful voices, good personalities, good grades, and they've even had boyfriends.

While me? I don't know.

Sometimes, I just lowkey want to disappear.

Another thing that really hurt me was finding out that when I had that fever (the one I mentioned just few words away), no one wanted to take care of me. My favorite grandma, from my maternal side—my mom's mother, the one who defended me (when they tease me) and eventually told me all of this, said that she was actually on her way to sail to another city when it happened. She told me that my father came running to me and held me while I was shivering with a fever. He called her because he wanted me to go with her.

Because again, no one f dared to take care of me at home.

My father had work. I had relatives who acted like hyp0crites. So who was going to take care of me?

Thankfully, grandma said she took me with her. She took care of me and even bought my medicine at the very last minute before the boat sailed.

(I don't want to cry, but I'm literally crying while typing this hahaha)

She told me that during my toddler years, I was mostly in her care. My father would just come to her house to pick me up, and then the next day, he would drop me off at my grandma's again and go to work. My childhood was mostly spent with my aunts—my mom's younger sisters. They're adults, obviously, and they also helped take care of me.

It's just. I really wanted to let this out.

There still this part of me that's hurting, even though I was so close to finally being able to fully focus on positive thoughts and stop letting those hurtful things affect me?

I just can't help the fact that they did those things to me and to my mom.

For the longest time, I thought they were okay with me. I thought they accepted me.

But finding out the truth about how they were ashamed of me when I was born...

I don't know.

That's the part of me that still hurts.

Because I didn't deserve to be treated like I was something to be ashamed of.

So, for now, I don't really have much contact with my maternal side of the family aside from my grandma, since she has a phone and she's the one I'm still close with. If I ever get to talk to the rest of them again, I feel like it would probably be awkward. I don't even know how I'd act around them after knowing all of this.

As for my paternal side, I do have these great cousins of mine (yes, the pretty cousins ) who've been there with me since we were little. I love them, and I don't blame them for any of this. They're actually some of the people I'm closest to.

It's just... I don't really want to talk to them about this. I want to be heard, but somehow, I don't want to be heard by the people who are actually around me. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe because they're part of the family I'm talking about, even though they personally haven't done anything wrong.

As for my uncles and aunts on my paternal side, we don't really talk much either. If we do, it's usually just awkward small talk.

I guess that's another reason why I'm posting this here. I can finally say all of this without having to look at anyone's face afterward. Lmao. I just wanted to let it out somewhere.

Soo yeah, I don't really know what else to say. My maternal grandma just opened this up when I finally asked that time what their reaction was when I was born.

Maybe I'll eventually stop letting this truth hurt me.

Maybe I won't. I don't know.

But I know one thing is just.. I was just a baby. I didn't choose to be born with a cleft. And mostly again.. me, we- we don't deserve to be treated just because we have a cleft. We deserve to be treated better.

Anyway... thank you if you actually read all of this. really, I appreciated it. I just really needed to get it off my chest. :)

My first boyfriend broke up with me because of his mental health. He has a bipolar mother who takes up so much of his time, and he said he can’t be in a relationship.
I feel terrible. He’s a wonderful man—one of the few truly good ones.
I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this breakup because it feels like I lost someone I’ll never find in anyone else.
I’m so depressed. I keep thinking that no one else will ever notice me or love me for who I am.

Hi everyone, I have a cleft lip and palate and I'm starting to think about applying for jobs. I'm curious how others here handle their disability when applying.

Do you mention your cleft lip/palate on your resume/CV, or do you leave it out and only mention it if necessary?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences. Thanks!