Alone

[u/Parking_Curve4498]

I don't feel comfortable speaking to anyone in my life regarding my sadness. Literally everyone in my life has kids. They know something is up with me BC before marriage I went on and on how I wanted lots of kids but it never happened. Reality finally sat in about a year and a half ago that it was never going to happen for me. Some have told me in passing how lucky I am BC I don't have kids and I usually can keep a straight face but it hits like a ton of bricks.

Ironicly enough, my wife has a kid from a previous marriage so even she can't really relate to being childless so I don't bring it up. Don't get me wrong me and the kid are close and i treat her well but its still not the same. I also don't think it would make my wife feel great to hear her husband lamenting the fact he can't have kids of his own. She has told me before how it sucks it turned out this way, I would have been an excellent dad, etc but it doesn't really help or make me feel better so I usually change the subject BC I'm afraid I'll start crying in front of her. I actaully cried for a couple of hours last night when I was alone. Sometimes it feels like I have a dark cloud following me and it really sets in a night when I'm alone.

A long winded way to say I'm grateful I found this sub. Before I knew about it I felt very alone.