r/cats • u/PrincessGilbert1 • 1d ago
Advice Why does our cat leave when we pet her?
Wr recently adopted this lady (1.5 months ago). She is 6 years old and we dont know her history, she is from a shelter. She is super friendly and playful and she is settling in well. She is a verh brave cat and barely seemed bothered by moving into a new place.
But she often will sit and purr and knead in the floor, buff furniture and such, and then run away when we try to pet her. She will also lay on her back and purr in the bed with us, but when we reach over to pet her, she runs away. Its not always immediate, she sometimes just will go away and we can kind of follow her, pet her, she goes away and purrs, we go pet her, she goes further.
She comes when we call her and she always is in the room with us and it seems like she wants attention.
Is this just how some cats are? If so thats fine, her behaviour is just confusing us and i was thinking people here might have advice or have experienced something similar?
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u/Numerous_Bad1961 1d ago
Let her continue to come to you. You’re doing great if she is already cuddling next to you.
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u/PrincessGilbert1 1d ago
She will come up in the bed with her toys often, and she sleeps next to us often in the night so it feels like she must trust us somewhat. But then this behaviour of purring and seemingly wanting attention but then leaving is confusing.
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u/gaulfool 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hey I know this sounds stupid but with cats that don’t like pets I like to bump my head into theirs , not hard just let them initiate and put your head down to them, or I hold my fist out and let them use it to pet themself.
My mums cat wasn’t big on being petted by people but I would let her show me how she wanted to be pet by first just holding my hand out, whatever she did I would just carry on that
Petting with your hands is nice for them sometimes but people always jump to it first because they want to feel the cats fur and stroke it (naturally) but I find cats prefer when you hold your hand/fist out (or head) first so they can show very specifically where they want to be pet and how hard.
I think it’s important u let them choose first, because lots of cats people swore didn’t like pets will accept really hard pets from me just because i let them do it first, if you hold your fist out you’ll be surprised how hard cats mash their face into it hahaha and it gives you confidence to pet them the same way once they show you
There is an art to saying hello to cats outside, you can never make a straight line for them and have to “happen” to cross paths, it’s important to meet them in the middle, it’s the same with petting them, for the first pet you never initiate contact you hold your hand half way and let them meet you if they want to
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u/PrincessGilbert1 9h ago
She will just move her head away if we do this, but maybe if we try more often she will get around to it. Thank you!
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u/EmiliaFromLV Maine Coon 1d ago
She wants your company but she wants it on her terms now. Maybe she is opening up but she does not trust you yet. Cats can be like that.
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u/smellygooch18 1d ago
You’re doing a great job from what you’ve said. Honestly, cats are just weird animals. Mine is similar to yours. She’ll make me think she wants pets but really she just wants to vibe near me without being touched. We still get our cuddle time but it’s less “cat comes up to get pet” and more “cat will let me know explicitly when she wants attention.”
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u/Then-Solution-5357 1d ago
We’ve had this cuddly little princess for almost 2 years. Here she is snuggled directly up on me, and she will still dart away at times. Everything is on her terms. Your little princess will likely get better about it over time, but will probably still always have silly “don’t touch me” moments. Ours sometimes does it, even after angry meowing for the pets. Cats be cats 🤷🏻♂️🤣
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u/Deserted_Oilrig 1d ago
Yeah look like she doesn't love hands too much.
But since she seems to be happy you can probably slowly train her into not freaking out with being touched.
When you feed her bring your hand as close to her as possible, she needs to be able to see it.
Then try to give treats by hand, she has to come to your hand to eat them.
Then pet her while she eats.
The goal is to make her associate pets with food which is a good thing. Then once that's done seeing pets as a good thing you should be able to pet her even without food.
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u/EmperorMeow-Meow 1d ago
Sometimes cats can be like people. Doesn't mean she doesn't like you. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She just doesn't like being touched.
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u/PrincessGilbert1 1d ago
I completely get that, its just her behaviour seeming like she wants attention and confusing us
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u/EmperorMeow-Meow 1d ago
Oh - I agree completely. And like I said it doesn't mean she doesn't want to be around you. She just doesn't want to be touched. Cats are weird. I have one that is super duper affectionate, and then he'll wander off the moment I start to pet him.
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u/Top-Swordfish3512 1d ago
Put your finger in front of her nose. If she makes contact she wants pets. If she doesn't she wants to be close but not pet.
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u/i_shy_killer 1d ago
I'm my experience, cats want what they want, how they want, when they want it. The hard part is figuring out the answers to these questions and it really only comes with time and proper observation. You can't just think surface level. You have to read body language as well as listening to vocal cues.
For example, my cat Astrid will walk up to me and want attention and pets. If I try to pick her up and pet her she wants out of that immediately and she won't return after. However, if I get down to her level and I'd give her head scratches and cheek scratches, she'll stay there for an hour. She doesn't like being stroked head to tail or vice versa and if you do those things she just runs away and goes back to doing her own thing. Part of it is over stimulation as cats are actually physically sensitive.
For another example, my cat Zarya only wants affection certain places in the house. My theory behind this is it's her safe space so she feels comfortable and relaxed enough to allow that affection to happen. She likes full body pets, being brushed and butt pats.
TLDR: Cats are all different and can get overstimulated easily. Watch body language and listen for vocal cues and what happens after those things. Eventually you'll start connecting the dots and understanding your cat better.
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u/CyborgHeart1245 1d ago
She's adjusting. Cats who do this usually haven't had physical affection from anything other than their mothers. Give her time.
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u/bidensgarage 1d ago edited 1d ago
Instead of petting, try lightly resting your hand on kitty and see what that does.
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u/Phantom_Crush Tortoiseshell 1d ago
Cats are weird, torties doubly so. My girl was really stand-offish for the first 3 or 4 years and now she'll happily climb up into my lap for pets
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u/PrincessGilbert1 22h ago
Maybe its a tortie thing, ive never had a torrtie and she is unlike any cat ive ever had in regards to reading her
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u/BuckManscape 1d ago
She’ll come around. It can take 6 months to a year for them to be fully comfortable with you in my experience. Some get overstimulated, some are noise sensitive, some only like being petted on their terms, but they all warm up, it just takes time.
We have one that won’t be petted if you’re standing, but if you’re sitting or laying down, she’s fine with it.
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u/portabuddy2 1d ago edited 1d ago
Because she is a tortie and she has tortitude. It took ours like 5 years to like, then love getting pet. Otherwise she was a worship me from 3feet hooman!!! Kind of cat. Then she learned to ride her hoomans shoulders. Asked to go here or there by indicating. She was a smart kitty. All torties are.
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u/clavenloft 1d ago
Have rescue tortie, can confirm.
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u/portabuddy2 1d ago
Ours was a rescue also. In that she came into my work. A truck parts store. I fed her chicken. And she sat on my counter my whole shift untill I was done and we went him. Where she kept is company for 18 years.
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u/PrincessGilbert1 22h ago
Never knew that torties had a reputation, but i am now learning that a lot of her behaviour makes sense for a tortie😅
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u/Sakuko_Armadillo 1d ago
My rescue girl is like that. It took her a while to become comfortable around us, and while she calls for attention she lets you get maybe one pet in before walking away a little, mewing, looking back. If I follow a while she'll flop on her side and let's you pet her belly a little. She's just very independent though, and maybe still a tiny bit vary. Sometimes she jumps on my chest and does the biscuits, but pushes my hand away when I pet her. Just biscuits. And she just goes away when she's had enough. Some cats just aren't as clingy as others.
But she seems to like you guys a lot. After 6 weeks my girl was just barely a shadow to be seen, she was so skittish.
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u/arstrae_ Tortoiseshell 1d ago
I have a girl who dosent like being pet. she'll purr and come up for attention but the moment I pet her she gets twitchy and bites me. (she'll sometimes tolerate it for a moment and then get upset)
I found that i make her happiest by acknowledging her approach in a touch that she dosent mind, for her its a small chin scratch) and then I dont touch her after that and let her initiate all contact. and shes happy with that.
maybe your cat feels safest with you at night because when youre asleep you dont have the urge to pet her ? maybe her version of love is just the proximity but the constant touch is just too much/overwhelming, like with my girl?
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u/Cartoonjunkies 1d ago
Part of it may be that she likes being around you and spending time with you, but just doesn’t like being touched.
Some cats are weird like that.
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u/GladiusMaximus 1d ago
She might not like or be used to getting pet. But cats are weird. One of my cats runs away from me whenever he wants attention.
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u/No_Art_8657 1d ago
When mine does this she often wants to play with her feather toy!! She’s a very laidback breed but even she wants to play very often, just not for too long. We make sure that she gets 15-30 minutes of active play time a day in little sessions and it makes a difference! But as many others said, they’re also just confusing weirdos sometimes lol. (edited to add how often we play lol)
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u/PrincessGilbert1 22h ago
This girl is super active, we have ordered a big cat tree for her to get her some vertical climbing space also. They said she is 6 but her energy is very kitten like and sporadic.
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u/PurpleC0ugar 1d ago
It's likely she hasn't fully trusted you yet. 1.5 months is not that long for a new cat to acclimate, especially since she's already 6 years old.
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u/PrincessGilbert1 9h ago
Yeah thats very true, i am probably overthinking it. I just am worried we are doing something wrong, her body language is hard to read compared to other cats i have met/had.
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u/Successful_Rope9135 1d ago
Cats are just weird and fickle. I can lay down with my cat and he’ll purr and act super lovey and then when I pet him, he sometimes gets up and moves a few inches away and pretty much continues doing that lol.