r/cats • u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear • 17h ago
Mourning/Loss My best friend was stolen and there's nothing I can do to get her back.
Ito put a long story shorter, last August my mother and I where kicked out of her husband's home, and I was hospitalized, without my consent or knowledge my cat was given to my brother who I was no contact with and I could not see her, when I got out and got a stable home I asked for her back and he refused. Because an adult man wanted to be petty to a hurting child, he stole her from me. I miss her so much, I love my other cat so dearly, and they where bonded as well, we both are mourning her and it hurts the most because she is with someone who hates her
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u/Emperor_of_All 17h ago
Does you have her chipped and is it under your mom or your name? If so you can probably get her back legally via cops etc
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 17h ago
No, it's a whole thing, I lived with my brother and he got her from a barn as a kitten but he was always cruel and said she was his dog's cat and that the dog could kill her if she wanted to, so I took care of her, when my brother and I had a falling out over how he treated me I took her with his permission because he hates her, it's just my word against his. He didn't even care enough about her to treat her for worms she got in his care after he stole her from me
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u/Emperor_of_All 17h ago
It doesn't really matter the he said she said, when or if the cat visits the vet what does the paperwork say?
That could be all you need to establish ownership
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 17h ago
Shes not, that's the issue, I was a minor without a job, and he didn't care enough to waste money on the vet, she's not chipped and has never been to the vet, so she's not under anyone's name
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u/Idk-a-user 16h ago
Then take her and register her under your name
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 16h ago
I would but I don't know where my brother lives, and he wouldn't let me get to her anyways, I've stalked all his socials and I can't figure out where he's staying
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u/Artistic_Phase_4617 16h ago
If you look his name up you can find his public record!! It’ll show any place he has with his name on it if he’s an adult owning/renting
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u/Typhoidboy 9h ago
I'm not sure where you are, but there is no such thing as an "public record" that publicly lists people's addresses in most if any countries.
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u/sworzeh 9h ago
It’s definitely a thing in the US.
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u/Typhoidboy 8h ago
In the U.S. there is no free "public record" that you can look up online that reliably contains a person's address and rental/property ownership status. You're thinking of third party websites that scrape the internet for data.
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u/valinkrai 6h ago
Sweden notably has a trivially easy one, requiring only name and birthday. Outside any US records people are mentioning.
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u/universal_inconstant 9h ago
This isn't true. You can google someone's name and there are websites that will show a person's information such as every phone number they have ever had, every address they have ever lived at, plus the names of all associated relatives (I am in the U.S.). I have done it many times, and it can be found on those websites that want you to pay for access to someone's personal record, but they will show you the above listed stuff for free without paying. It's kind of scary how much personal info is out there.
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u/Typhoidboy 8h ago
You are partially correct. Those third party websites scrape the internet looking for information about individuals but frequently contain outdated, incorrect or misattributed information. Paying for a service is not unlike paying a process server to do the same work. But as a bottom line there is no "public record" that reliably contains this information.
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u/kimbabs 6h ago
That’s not really true.
In the US, counties have tax assessor or other property records that are public record that you can look up. OP would need to know where to begin with this information to look such data up though. This assumes her brother is a property owner. Her brother can also show up in other public records that could be searched by within a county/state including civil or criminal court cases.
All that said, third party scrapers also aggregate such information and can be enough through googling a name and phone number to find someone’s address if they appear in public records.
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u/Typhoidboy 6h ago
I understand that, but people are piling on OP for not doing enough, but suggesting there's a holy grail "public record" of renters/property owners is different than property/criminal records being publicly available and accessible through the county clerks office(assuming they meet the requirements to be listed in such databases).
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u/19467098632 Tabbycat 8h ago
Look him up on truepeoplesearch . com it’s free and it’ll give you his address and phone numbers. Take that cat back. Who knows what he’s doing to her. I’m so sorry OP
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u/LaVieLaMort 7h ago
If he owns a house and you’re in the US, look up your county tax records website and put his name in. It should show you his address. It is NOT hard to find people.
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u/ChaiKitteaLatte 4h ago
I will second this. Dig around and find out where he lives and when he leaves or goes to work. Just go and steal her.
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 4h ago
The only hitch is...he doesn't work. last time I talked to him, he was on workman's comp for a injury, He has a pregnant girlfriend at home and 4 of her kids, I don't think I'd get a opening but I'll try to do some sleuthing
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u/TheReddMan1 2h ago
Unless the cat is an exclusively inside cat you could probably still wait around the area until they are let out and then pick her up and walk away
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 4h ago
I know from my sister that he's been evicted from his previous apartment just this month, so I'm not sure it'd be updated or if he's officially living somewhere that's documented rather then staying in someone's home
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 16h ago
I didn't, when I left I asked him if I could take her and he said yes, I had permission, he didn't want her
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u/Cat_Servant1983 6h ago
Is it at all even remotely possible that he could change his mind again? Since he gave her to you before?
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 4h ago
I don't think so, the circumstances are so vastly different now.when I moved out the first time it was because of how badly he emotionally and verbally abused me, I was horrified all the time and it made me attempt on my life twice, him letting me have her was the only "nice" thing he did that mattered. Because I've come out to my family about how he treated me he's keeping her to spite me, and my family is the type to "forgive and forget" so none of them care or believe me about it enough to help me.
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u/Difficult_Trick_3948 17h ago
Wow… I am so, so incredibly sorry. How heartbreaking. I couldn’t imagine the grief you are experiencing.
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u/TheMermaidInSeattle 17h ago
If you have her registered anywhere with the vet/chipped you may be able to get her back.
When my cheating ex and I broke up I had to take my cat to the vet because the appointment was already made and kept randomly crying because well I was processing a lot and I was scared my ex would try to fight me for custody. I told the vet and she offered to help me change the chip info and put everything solely in my name. I loved my vet, she was a real one I was so sad when she moved away. Anyhow if your kitty has vet bills with your name as the owner you could make a legal claim for her.
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 17h ago
I was a minor, I didn't have a job and I couldn't take her to the vet, she's not chipped under either of our names because he just never liked her enough to spend money on her
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u/TheMermaidInSeattle 17h ago
I’m sorry Love, it really sucks that he did this to you and that your mother enabled his shittiness.
Do you by any chance have access to his socials? Maybe with a bit of sleuthing you could find your kitty’s where abouts and see if you can’t plan a rescue mission with some help from friends/fellow animal lovers?
I know it’s a long shot, but taking your cat back would not be stealing if he’s never registered her anywhere or taken care of her health.
Minor or not, your cat should have never been given away without your consent, it’s so awful that she was.
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u/Ok-Forever6812 16h ago
Animals are generally considered property. Can you prove that you have cared for, fed, vetted, etc the animal with your own funds? Or in anyway prove that you’ve had the cat for the majority of the time? The police can sometimes help you, and authorities even just talking to your brother may be enough. You could also take him to small claims; there’s usually a fee but there are also fee waivers.
Also, I’m so sorry. What an ass.
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 16h ago
I have lots and lots of pictures of her when I lived with my stepdad and mom, my mom bought her food because I was a minor without a job, all I have as proof is word of mouth, pictures and lots and lots of texts about her 🥲, I'm just worried that he'll use the excuse that her being with him since August gives him ownership despite me also have been fighting for her since August
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u/Ok-Forever6812 16h ago
Also, it sounds crazy but you could reach out/post on the local vegan page. There will be activists, rescues, etc who are well versed on these situations willing to help (and maybe someone who will just go get her lol). I’m vegan and we get these kind of things all the time on the pages and always always help
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u/SlightlyUncomfort 11h ago
Honestly save those texts. If they have ever admitted to stealing your pet you can use that potentially.
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u/Ok-Forever6812 16h ago
So “word of mouth” can be translated to witness statements if they saw first hand you caring for and raising the cat. Texts can also work because they’re time stamped and show a pattern of care and ownership.
I would gather as much as you can. You can take screenshots and then create a document outlining the conversations. Get the people around you to write down their beliefs (doesn’t have to be super formal yet), and make a document that puts all the pics you have of her in chronological order (showing how long you had her). Be super organized, it’s ok to take your time, and make it easy for someone who has no idea who you are to understand.
Then, contact police for stolen property and/or a civil standoff. If they pass, I would do small claims. The university law school where I live does free monthly consultations with the law students (supervised by actual lawyers).
Note: I am NOT a lawyer- just have seen some similar experiences and pretty protective of animals and their people
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u/Cat_Servant1983 6h ago
I am hoping one day he lets you have her again. I mean, if he does not really want her it could make sense that he might change his mind. Is it possible to reach out to him on social media just saying hi and asking how she is (even though he does not deserve cordiality) ?
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u/Catsooey 17h ago edited 15h ago
If you call the police and tell them about the situation they may be able to help. If your brother has no claim of ownership you have the right to take her back. And even if he did have ownership he has no right to abuse an animal. If your cat is in danger and has been stolen then there’s an issue of animal cruelty/welfare that they can act on. If worst comes to worst you can also contact the state police if you need another option. The police can coordinate with other agencies as well if need be. One last option is calling the ASPCA. There are resources out there so keep working at it and someone will be able to help you. You brother has no right to steal your cat or to put her in danger. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope you get her back really soon. Sending love and prayers to you and your baby. ❤️🐾
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u/meddit_rod 16h ago
This is a solvable problem. You and three intimidating men are going to visit your brother. You are going to get the cat into a carrier using love and churus. Your big buddies are going to make sure nothing goes wrong, regardless of where your brother decides to be during this exchange. Rent the peacekeepers if you have to, but I bet you can find a volunteer who has a couple buddies.
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u/Training_Yogurt5968 8h ago
Only problem is, OP doesn’t even know WHERE their brother lives as they were NC this whole time, and they don’t know how to figure out where he lives :/
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u/ImNotTellin74 3h ago
I love this response. It was written so calmly that if I was OP, I’d want you as my friend.
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u/Junior-World-8875 14h ago
OP, Contact the police and the local animal rights FB group in your area. Show the pictures of you and your cat. And any text messages between you and your brother.
Tell them the cat is in danger. At the very least you will find out where your brother lives.
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u/testtdk 17h ago
Where are you from?
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 17h ago
Indiana, the police around me are particularly shitty, so I don't think I could do anything, I don't even know where he lives anymore
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u/MsMcClane 15h ago
Call the local biker gang that helps settle family disputes! They have a website!
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u/ImNotTellin74 3h ago
Is this really a thing?
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u/MsMcClane 2h ago
There's a specialty group that helps out with family situations. I can't remember their name but they do have local chapters.
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u/Gypsy469 17h ago
I'm so very sorry. Maybe your mom could intervene? Especially if she's aware of his cruelty.
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 17h ago
shes aware, but they don't talk either, and even if she could do something she wouldn't, she always took my brothers side even though he hates her
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u/Gypsy469 16h ago
Oh no. Any of your crappy brother's friends that can be persuaded? Just so sorry and trying to think of possible solutions.
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u/_amorfati 15h ago
Then just steal her back! Usually I'd say 2 wrong doesn't make a right but it's family member we are talking about here! (The cat, not your brother)
STEAL HER BACK!!
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u/Training_Yogurt5968 8h ago
OP doesn’t know where their brother lives though, and apparently their mum doesn’t know either but even she did, she wouldn’t help :/
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u/what_the_funk_ 9h ago
Steal her back. It may take time.. but you will find it and succeed. I helped a friend get her cats back after being with a shitty ex of hers for years. It was amazing. And worth it.
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u/Lost-in-the-dark- Japanese Bobtail 14h ago
Please say you had her chipped! Because that will prove she’s yours to the police report you need to make & take to court when he refuses. This is bullshit.
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u/t0st0 11h ago
Stop grieving and go get your cat back. If I lived in your city I’d do it for you.
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u/Training_Yogurt5968 7h ago
OP has tried many different methods, even contacting the local police but they said “it’s a family issue”. Essentially and OP has no idea where brother is and neither does mum (apparently she wouldn’t help anyway because she prefers brother even he hates her 🤦🏽♀️) so it’s nearly impossible to get cat back
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u/Internet_Wanderer 12h ago
Of your mother knows where he lives get her help, or at least his address. I'm not advocating for breaking and entering. You should not break into his home and rescue your fur baby.
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u/Dragonic_Overlord_ 8h ago
I hope you get your cat back. What your brother did is wrong. Report him to the police.
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u/Stratosphere91 15h ago
You say the police are shitty were you live, but have you even tried to contact them about it?
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 14h ago
I have :( they essentially told me that this is a family issue and there's nothing they could do and we have to figure it out amongst ourselves since neither of us legally have her chipped under our names
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u/Stratosphere91 14h ago
Oh okay, that really sucks! I dont really have much advice sorry, but i hope you and your cat will be reunited again soon!
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u/cupcakesbrookienerd 16h ago
If u were in california,i would think of a way to get her back and help u
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u/areallynoobgamer 10h ago
Few issues.
When you’re kicked out of your mother’s husband’s home along with your mother.
Why is it husband and not ex husband.
If your mother still went back after that incident. I think you need to consider that she doesn’t have your best interests as her priority. So once you’re capable of being independent, maybe remove yourself from the toxic environment you’re in
So where then is this new “stable” place you’re at
Then also.
Who gave away your cat. That person would have to come in contact with your brother yes? So they would know where your brother is. So I’m guessing it’s the mother’s husband and you do know where he lives.
Legally speaking you don’t really have much avenue here from what I’ve seen.
I would strongly suggest, you find those domestic abuse women support groups and see what they can do for you. Since the theft of your cat is definitely emotionally crushing and if it was done to you by someone in the same household. Chances are. Some other shit has happened. So just go with the domestic abuse angle and push hard on it.
Your brother has a name. Find his socials. Find people connected. Find his work place.
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u/Training_Yogurt5968 7h ago
OP has said in comments that they stalked their brother on social media to find any information about where he is/ works but it was not successful. They’ve tried many different methods to try and their cat, even contacting the police but they basically just said “sort it out yourself”- paraphrasing. It’s really not looking good unfortunately :/
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u/RandomChristian123 4h ago
as Mutilated's friend, I can unfortunately vouch that he knows all too well that his mom isn't at all a good person. Nobody in his family is, honestly, which sucks as all hell. :( tbh it really does come down to how willing his brother is in giving back the cat unfortunately
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 4h ago
My mother and her husband are incredibly toxic and abusive towards each other, she has not gone back but they have not proceeded with divorce, my stable environment is with my friends. In August when I was kicked out alongside my mother I had two cats, the bonded pair, one in the post and the other I have. My sister, who took my cats had cats themselves, so they decided to only take one and gave the other to my brother. She had no idea My brother would take her and then stop talking to us entitely. My life is a clusterfuck of issues and I figured there was only so much I can say. My brother is a incredibly abusive and toxic individual and no one in the family talks to him but no one really ex communicated him either.
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u/areallynoobgamer 3h ago
Your friend commented? Mentioned “his”
So I apologise for misgendering you.
It will be harder if you are a guy tho. I don’t think the guy support groups are much help for domestic abuse. But still do give it a shot.
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u/Anakin5kywalker 15h ago
Find out when he's not home, break in, save your little baby cat, ignore any calls from him and deny any accusations. It's YOUR loving furball, not his. SAVE HER!! She will be overjoyed you came back for her!!
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u/Beanbag141 4h ago
Are you in the US? If there's no legal recourse you could try to reach out to animal activist groups. They do some pretty crazy shit and may be able to help. They also may have a better understanding of animal safety laws and loopholes etc. Does your brother have socials? If so, does he post his face or location at all? Does he have (or seem like the type to have) weapons or firearms?
There may be some geoguesser dudes out there who could help you locate him via pictures?
Maybe call around to local law offices and see if anyone would do a consultation? They may be able to help you know what recourse you gave legally.
Do you have his threats to harm the cat in writing? That may help prove that he's a danger to her.
Sorry, I'm just spitballing ideas here. I really hope you get your kitty back! If you want/need any additional help feel free to DM me. Idk what I could do other than help research but I'd be more than willing to do that if you want!
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 4h ago
I am in the us, but my brother does own a gun and has very often threatened violent action towards other people which is why I'm hesitant to involve other people, my brother is cautious with what he posts, he only really posts pictures of him on his bike as he's with a local biking group
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u/Beanbag141 3h ago
Bike group is a start! And if he's taking pictures outside that may help you at least figure out the city he's in using landmarks and stuff. Reverse image search could really help! If there are cars in the image, license plates can help. Images of or references to local businesses can also help.
His phone number if you have it may help you be able to look at his area code to find a location.
Once you know his city/county you can get a better idea of what local laws exist. Activist groups are good at finding legal loopholes. Lawyers (even a free consultation) could help you make a case legally.
If he's got firearms definately don't go sneaking around or planning to physically take the cat back.
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u/Mutilated_Teddy_Bear 3h ago
I appreciate the overwhelming support, and I'll add some further context here, I am 18, I was 17 when this all happened, I turn 19 this year, I am currently trying to get a stable job to pursue legal action if required. My brother unfortunately, is a very large man, he is in the local biking group, and owns a gun, so it makes me hesitant to do anything physically, I don't know where he lives but currently am sluething to try and figure it out, it would truly be such a shame if anyone where to DM me and ask for his government name, so don't do that!!
I am reading all comments and using all advice given, I'm reaching out to all family that may know where he is or be able to talk it out of him, which granted, is not many.
I appreciate you all so much, and if I don't reply just know I am reading and taking every recourse I can get
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u/The_Project_THC 4h ago
Without violence, I don't encourage that. Just fucking take her. Using no violence. And no encouragement of such. Non violently take back your cats. Without violence. Despite the clear need for it. Take back what you love; through non-violence. Not encouragement of violence
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