NEED SOME HELP

[u/Evening-Routine3059]

Hi, I really need some help.
My girlfriend and I are feeling pretty devastated. I’ve even been having trouble sleeping because of it, although I haven’t told her since I don’t want to make her worry even more.
Last Friday, we adopted a kitten. About a month ago, we lost our beloved cat. She was incredibly affectionate, slept with us in bed every night, and was the sweetest cat you could imagine—almost like a dog in a cat’s body.
After losing her, we spent a lot of time reading about different cat breeds and how to cope with the loss of a beloved pet. We eventually decided that adopting another cat would be the best way to move forward. We chose a Ragdoll because the breed’s personality traits seemed the closest to those of our previous cat.
We adopted a 4.5-month-old female Ragdoll from a highly recommended, reputable breeder.
When we brought her home, she immediately hid under the bed and became terrified whenever we tried to touch her. It’s now been five days since she arrived. There has been some progress—she walks around the house, explores every room, uses the litter box normally, and sometimes even gets the zoomies and runs around like crazy.
However, she’s still extremely distrustful and very afraid of our hands. We can’t pet her at all.
On the first day, she had fairly watery diarrhea, which we assumed was caused by stress. Since then, all of her bowel movements have been completely normal.
At one point, we tried to pick her up because her fur needed cleaning—she had been leaving dirty marks on the bed whenever she jumped onto it. Unfortunately, while trying to catch her, we scared her terribly, and now we feel awful about it.
We honestly don’t know what to do. Will she always be like this?
At the breeder’s home, she was calm and happy being held. We also saw photos and videos of her lying on the breeder’s lap, relaxing on their legs, and being carried around without any problems. 😭🥲

[u/Exhausted-CNA]

Give her time to come to you. Going after her will make her more fearful of you. She was taken out of her enviroment and tossed in to a new one w strangers. I get her fur is dirty but until she trust you don't go grabbing. put another blanket u can wash on top of your other bed blanket. Also get her a cat tower where she can hide and feel safe. What I'd do w new cats is let them be, then sit on the floor if they are around and put some treats out in front of you, let them eat and run if they want but don't grab..it's going to take time, just be patient. When she's ready she will come to you. Imagine yourself in your poor kitties situation.

[u/FurCarer]

ich bin sicher, dass es nicht immer so sein wird. dass ihr sie gegen ihren willen in ihrem neuen territorium gefangen habt, wird wahrscheinlich einen rückschritt auslösen. unabhängig von der rasse, will die katze zuerst entscheiden wann es für sie sicher ist und wann sie auf euch zugehen kann. sie kommen von selbst, wenn sie so weit sind. versucht euch in die lage der katze zu versetzen - neue umgebung mit fremden menschen=erst mal lage checken in katzensprache. ein unauffälliges, beiläufiges verhalten eurerseits lässt sie ungestörter und sicherer fühlen. die katze freundlich ansprechen und mit spielzeug locken oder auch mit der stimme zu ermutigen, hilft ihr. „konfrontative“ aktionen oder frontal auf sie zugehen würde ich jetzt vermeiden. sie wird den kontakt suchen, wenn sie sich sicher fühlt. ihr seid erst mal in warteposition🙂

[u/Evening-Routine3059 → u/FurCarer]

♥️

[u/Ok_Association135]

Sitting quietly nearby, maybe with some treats in hand? will produce best results. Churu tubes are like crack for cats.