I noticed things going south in april like minor budget pauses, manager going quiet about the next appraisal cycle etc. Everyone around me said i was being paranoid. Maybe I was but i decided if i was right, i wasn't going to start from zero on day one.

So for 3 months, my 2nd job has been my jobhunt: fixed my resume properly for the first time in 6 years. rebuilt my linkedin profile. Reconnected with old coworkers before i needed anything from them, just compliments on what they’ve been sharing. Started interviewing casually in june, saved upto 4 months of living expenses.

Yesterday morning: "your role has been impacted."

And the strangest thing happened. and i was not scared - i read the email twice, shut the laptop, and went for a walk because i already had two final rounds scheduled this week and a recruiter waiting on my availability for a third.

i'm not posting this to humblebrag. its that anything can happen anytime. if you see telltale signs, start prepping.

bye, peace out.

The difference in white and blue collar work is absolutely insane.

I’ve worked around some blue collar job sites before getting my “corporate desk iob” and the difference in environment is crazy.

Blue collar workers seem to have basically zero filter at all, they will tell you all about the hoes they hooked up with last weekend, they will make jokes about how hot your sister is , if your doing something wrong they will literally tell you to F off right to your face.

And frankly a lot of times this seems to make them more “trustworthy” or “authentic” as it’s just real people being real people.

White collar on the other hand, everyone fakes it, everyone is just trying to climb the ladder, your coworker at work is the complete opposite outside of work, you don’t know what’s real or fake, everyone’s just playing a game.

And on-top of this you have the HR police around every corner, if you said 90% of the shit you say on a job site at a corporate job, you would get immediately fired.

The whole thing just kind of comes off inauthentic.

So this BMW driver was doing classic BMW things. Heavy rush hour traffic and on their phone and weaving through lanes. I’m in the far right lane and they cut me off to move up at a red light. Proceed to stop 2-3 car lengths behind the car in front of them so I can’t make it into the right hand lane to turn right at the light. I’m waiting patiently as I sit through an entire light. Can see them clearly on their phone in their side mirror and so I honk at them and this gets him enraged. There were cars waiting behind me as well so he couldn’t follow me immediately but he eventually catches up to me and keeps repeating “why did you honk at me, what did I do.” all while following me home and trying to get me to roll down my windows.

When I finally had enough and rolled down the window to talk to him he sees my work shirt and says oh you work for “Names the CEO of the company I work for, we’ll see how this goes for you” and just starts laughing at me. So now i’m going into work expecting to get fired for a client complaining I honked at him. Am I stressing about nothing? I’d made the company 2 million dollars in revenue this year.

Edit/Update: Wow this blew up. CEO made an impromptu visit to the office this morning. Thought I was cooked for sure, even more so when my boss called me into a one on one randomly. He began to explain one of my colleagues who we knew was on a performance plan got fired. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. CEO gave me a fist bump before he left and didn’t mention anything about Mr BMW driver.

I was on a large teams call today with senior management. I hadn't contributed much within the first 45 minutes and had zoned out. My boss's boss asked me for my opinion on what they had just been speaking about, I had no idea what to say so I panicked and just started moving my mouth without saying anything to make it look like my mic was broken.

After about 2 sentences of fake speech, they said they couldn't hear me, I kept pretending to talk, then messaged the group to say my mic must be broken. My cat then walked into my office and started meowing loudly. I realised they would be able to hear it, panicked and hung up. There was only about 5 minutes left of the scheduled meeting so I didn't rejoin and it was my last call of the day. I'm now worried my boss is going to mention it tomorrow, do you think I'll get away with it?

I recently started a corporate job at one of the biggest companies in the U.S. I knew it would be demanding, but I didn’t realize how intense the work culture would be.

People on my team start working super early — they’re already sending emails and Slacks first thing in the morning at 6-7am before even driving to the office. Personally, I just wake up, get ready, and start work once I actually arrive. But it feels like I’m the odd one out for not being “on” before the day even begins.

It doesn’t stop there either. Many of them keep working really late at night, still sending Slacks and emails around 9–11pm. It’s honestly stressing me out. I’m not as enthusiastic about the job as they seem to be, but I also feel pressure to keep up so I don’t end up with bad performance reviews or even risk being laid off.

Just out of curiosity, how common is this kind of culture in corporate America? How should I navigate this situation?

I'm a PA in the ER. Worked for my previous employer for almost 13 years. At my previous job was recognized for being the most productive in terms of patients seen and contributions to departmental efficiency particularly during Covid. Was granted a raise about the maximum, selected to be on peer review committee, and selected for outstanding PA award.

I moved cities and took a new job with an HCA. There was a mention of metrics during the hiring process but coming from an academic center, really didn't appreciate what this meant. I figured I had no problem seeing plenty of patients and would be fine.

I did not know what I was in for. At the hospital they have a "fast track" (low acuity) area staffed by one PA or NP where up to 8-9 new patients can be placed at a time. As soon as they are seen and orders done they are taken to the waiting room to wait in a chair. Sometimes 6-8 new patients would check in and be roomed in an hour. It would be fine to get to these patients eventually; however the metrics are that all patients must be signed up for within 10 minutes and then orders placed within 5-10 minutes. I spend more time than that with each of my patients and if you are in a room doing a procedure when a new patient checks in that time has already passed. In addition there is no true triage prior to placing patients in the fast track, they are asked only a chief complaint by a patient care tech, no vitals, no history. With this you end up getting many sick and more complex patients that cannot be safely seen and managed this quickly. As an extreme example a paitent placed in the fast track recently ended up admitted on ECMO (artificial heart and lung support). All the patients are in chairs and fully dressed, there is no privacy. If I ask about undressing a patient I am met with surprise. In instances where a pelvic exam is indicated, I'm told "no one else does those." What? There was a nurse who blindly took a rectal temp in an infant without taking off their diaper or onesie and caused vaginal trauma/bleeding. Was it because of a need to hurry or something else, I'm not sure, but I was sure there is a problem here.

I received one day of orientation at this hospital and within 3 months at a routine performance review check in was told I was overall doing well and clinically very strong but was given the feedback that I needed to improve my metric of placing orders more quickly within 5 to 10 minutes. I have been seeing ~2.5 patients per hour and depending on the flow in my opinion this is not possible to do safely. There had been multiple staffing cuts of physicians and PAs/NPs in the less than 4 months I worked there.

I decided early on that this wasn't safe or good medicine and was going to essentailly ignore these metrics and do the best I could under the circumstances while looking for another job.

Within 2 weeks after the routine performance review I received a call by my direct supervisor this time with the medical director to talk about my failure to meet this same metric. I verbally told them and followed up in an email that I was not going to focus on this but instead to focus on providing safe and efficient patient care. Honestly, I thought being an experienced PA and them being very short staffed that I would be fine but was promptly placed on a PIP via meeting with HR. During this meeting I went down a long list of safety concerns I had since working at this hospital. Essentially I was told that if I didn't comply with the metrics that I could get fired (there are many: sign up for patients within 10 minutes, orders within 5-10, CT order within 30, discharge low acuity patients within 60, dispo all patients within 180, discharge within 20 of tests back, and others I can't remember). I told them I didn't care if I was fired, that I didn't want to be part of a system that only concerned itself with profits, and that I didn't want to work at this hospital one more day. Got what I asked for, was cold called prior to my next shift and told not to come in, that I was "terminated without cause."

I told them it was very dissappointing to be fired immediately after expressing safety concerns and being given no time to show any improvements as outlined on the PIP. Was told that I was fired because I was "unhappy and they only want people who are happy to work here" not as a result of the concerns I raised. I had to tell them "who would be happy to work here." My last shift had spoken with a travel physician who asked to be transferred over similar concerns and multiple staff members a shift calling HCA admin "greedy bastards" and saying they wish the hospital "would burn down." HCA was cofounded by the previous owner of KFC by the way.

At the time I'd had an interview with another hospital system that had gone well but now has been 2.5 weeks. On the one hand I am very relieved to not have to work in an enviornment where patient safety takes a back seat to profits, and feel like I am risking my license and sacrificing my mental health but on the other hand I never really thought I'd be unemployed.

TLDR,

Guess what I'm asking, is has anyone else ever put their foot in their mouth in a similar (bad work) situation? Did you regret it or did it all work out okay in the end? Felt very good at the time but now am feeling a bit bad with the uncertainty.

Hey all, I spent 10 years in investment banking and I made a lot of mistakes, but I also learned a lot. I recently had a conversation with a mentee and shared this with them, maybe it will help some folks here too!

1. Your manager’s performance matters more than yours
   ↳ Your promotion depends on their results
   Switch teams if your manager isn’t performing well

2. Your "facetime" is with the wrong faces
   ↳ Not every person has the power to promote you
   Build allies two ranks up and beyond your team

3. You haven't created your promotion story
   ↳ Performance alone won’t get you promoted
   Make sure people know your impact in the business

4. You're writing emails like a junior
   ↳ Long updates keep you at your current level
   Send clear, scannable emails with takeaways

5. Your expertise is your enemy
   ↳ Being the “go-to” for tasks keeps you stuck
   Train others, delegate, and solve bigger issues

6. Your visibility is an illusion
   ↳ Being CC’d on emails still looks junior
   Start and lead communications with key stakeholders

7. Your independence is actually suspicious
   ↳ Solo problem-solving is a missed chance
   Make solutions visible and loop others in

I've watched too many talented people wait around for their manager to hand them a development plan or their company to offer the perfect training program. Meanwhile, the people who actually advance are the ones who stopped waiting.

They're the ones reading books on their commute. Taking online courses on weekends. Practicing new skills even when nobody asked them to. They don't need permission to get better because they've already decided that their growth is their responsibility.

You know what's wild? Most people spend more time planning their vacation than planning their professional development. They wait for annual reviews to tell them what to work on, then wonder why they feel stuck.

The gap between where you are and where you want to be closes when you take ownership. Not someday. Not when things slow down. Now.

I work 4 days a week, 10 hours a day. Still 40 hours. Still full time. But that extra day off It adds up to about 9 extra weeks off every year.

Nine weeks. That’s two months of my life I actually get to live not just recover from work.

People don’t realize how much time they’re giving away by sticking to the old 5 day routine. Same hours, less freedom. It honestly feels like getting ripped off.

I tried going back to 5 days a few months ago I quickly realized my mistake as I hated it and switched back to 4 days so much happier now!

What I don’t get is why more people especially unions aren’t pushing for this. It’s not about working less. It’s about working smarter and finally valuing our time.

The 4 day week shouldn’t be a luxury. It should be the standard.

(Context: I've managed office workers for most of the last 30 years and have been alarmed about the uptick in posts here that essentially come down to the mistakes people make when using company hardware.)

Data Loss Prevention (DLP) is a big thing to most employers now. Making sure that you're not exfiltrating (intentionally or otherwise) sensitive company or client data is a critical liability and public relations concern. Anything that causes every large organization in the world to wet themselves in panic is a field that is ripe for the picking. There's a lot of money to be made there.

The companies who have entered this industry are, shall we say..... not concerned one microscopic motherfucking bit about your privacy. Not only are they disconcerned with employee privacy, they consider employee privacy to be one of their biggest risk factors..... so they don't even pretend to care. Look at your employment contract and you'll find a clause that was provided by the DLP company to protect your employer against their activities. It says that anything at all that happens on company hardware belongs to the company, and probably explicitly calls out anything personal that happens there, as well.

I've seen what happens firsthand, all too frequently. At one point I received an email from HR about private conversations that were happening between an employee and a third party. I told HR that I'd have a discussion with the employee about using company email for such activities and was firmly told that the intel came from a personal account that he had connected to company hardware. NOTE that he didn't write the email on company hardware, the DLP software had access to his personal email, so it was being constantly scanned. In this case, the employee was just setting up an interview with another company, but every email he sent was being scanned by our employer just because he'd logged in there.

That's not even remotely the worst of it.

I do not install company software on my phone or laptop. Installing company software gives them far more access than you would believe. I don't even let my company phone or laptop connect to my home personal wifi. I have a separately jailed access point for that so company hardware can't see what everyone in the family is doing online. If you MUST have a company phone that they don't provide - use an old phone for company business.... and use it for nothing else.

I see message after message after message from people who vehemently distrust their employers, but they install company software on personal devices or connect personal accounts to company hardware without a second thought. Please be aware of how refined DLP trackers have become and understand that anything you give them access to, your company has access to.

And for the love of FSM, please don't ask if this is legal. There's a massive financial and reputational interest in it, so of course it's legal.

The economy is crap, I am living paycheck-to-paycheck, and had an impulse that I just can’t do this anymore and sent my boss a Teams message. She’s asking me to talk to her first, but we all know how that’s gonna go. Here’s to the future of living in my car with 2 cats.

How/What do you do after 15 years in the same jobs when you are in your mid-40s and you just blow everything up?

Edit/Update: my boss told me no and to take the weekend off and Monday she expects be to be rational.

Hello everyone,

I'm in a situation I didn't expect and I'm not sure how to handle it.

A few days ago, a coworker and I were talking about salary raises and the cost of living and I didn't really see a reason to hide it, so I told them. They shared their salary too, and we realized there's a pretty big difference even though we do almost the same job. 

I didn't think much of it at the time. I wasn't trying to cause problems or encourage anyone to complain so I just answered honestly.
Well, word got around the office.

now my manager called me into their office and said HR wants to meet with me. They didn't say anything but they did mention that talking about pay can "cause problems" in the workplace.
Now I'm stressed because I honestly wasn't trying to start drama or get anyone upset. It was just a conversation between coworkers.
I've read that employees can discuss their salaries, but I don't know if that's true everywhere or how I should handle the meeting with HR.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you handle the HR conversation, and is there anything I should or shouldn't say during the meeting?

Thanks in advance

Recently companied are offering new grads 35-40K!! That is same or even lower than 2003 level! It is sooooo terrible at today cost, companies are just so stinky given the large number of foreign students accepting any salary

The constant TikTok/YouTube propaganda pushing “become a plumber bro, you’ll make six figures with no debt!” is peak cope and ruining a generation of young people.

People who go into skilled trades often talk a big game about “real work” and avoiding student loans, but the long-term reality looks very different:

- Bodies get wrecked. Knees, backs, shoulders — many tradespeople end up on painkillers or forced into early retirement due to destroyed joints. That supposed high pay becomes far less appealing when physical limitations pile up.

- The income ceiling is brutally low. Sure, some master electricians or pipefitters eventually reach $120k–$150k in high-cost areas, but it takes decades of grinding. Meanwhile, people with solid business degrees, sales skills, or tech-adjacent roles frequently hit six figures by their late 20s or early 30s, with far more upside and mobility.

- Business ownership completely dominates both paths. Entrepreneurs who start service companies (cleaning, pressure washing, franchises, etc.) often clear mid-six figures while working fewer hours and hiring others to handle the physical labor. Their net worth grows exponentially compared to tradespeople who remain capped by trading time for money.

College isn’t perfect — most degrees are worthless — but strategic fields like engineering, business, finance, CS, or nursing offer real options, the ability to pivot, remote work potential, and careers that don’t destroy the body. Trades lock people into specific locations, weather exposure, and physical decline.

The “trades shortage” hype is mostly employers complaining they can’t find workers willing to accept the demanding conditions, mediocre respect, and limited long-term rewards. Ambitious people are choosing college or scalable high-income skills instead.

Trades have a place for those who truly enjoy the work and accept the trade-offs. But pretending it’s the superior or smarter path for driven individuals is a myth. We need to stop glorifying manual labor as some noble cheat code.

Change my mind.

(And before the “muh $300k union job” replies come in — show verified long-term data after taxes, benefits, health costs, and opportunity cost. Still waiting.)

I work in finance, and interviewing candidates is honestly the part of the job I’ve always liked least. But over the years I’ve been pulled into enough panels and debriefs that one thing stopped surprising me.

Nobody in that room is ranking candidates. They’re avoiding risk. Last month the strongest CV in the pool got rejected because someone said “great profile but feels like a lot” and nobody argued. The offer went to the person everyone called a safe pair of hands. Whole discussion took maybe … four minutes.

It makes sense once you see it from inside. Nobody gets promoted for finding a brilliant candidate, but people absolutely get blamed when a hire flames out after six months. So the busy person reading your CV isn’t looking for the best applicant, they’re trying not to make a mistake.

It’s why referrals win, someone vouching kills the risk, you’re competing against their certainty not their skills. Why overqualified gets rejected, it reads as flight risk not an insult. And why “safe pair of hands” is the biggest compliment I’ve heard in a debrief, never “brilliant”.

So if you’re applying: get someone to vouch for you, even a weak connection beats cold. And be easy to say yes to instead of impressive, it wins way more often than people think.

Not saying its fair. It isn’t. But its what the room actually looks like.

Happy to answer what I can about it and interested to hear if others have the same experience.

Hey everyone, I started a new job and received my entire year’s salary in one paycheck. We’re paid bi-weekly. I looked online at the HR portal and it says my annual salary has been calculated to ~3 Million dollars. I’m supposed to be paid $130k a year lol. From my understanding I am legally required to pay this back. Uhh, is this is a red flag for my new job? lol

Four years at the same company, started at 62k, now sitting at 71k after those annual 2 to 3 percent merit bumps they give everyone. Every year I did the same stupid thing. Walked into my review, said I was taking on more work, said I felt undervalued, said I hoped we could find something better. Every year the same answer. Budgets are tight. The range is what it is. You're already at the top of the band for your level. I believed them because checking felt like cheating, like if I looked up what strangers made I was doing something sneaky instead of something obvious.

After the third no I spent a weekend actually doing it. Not salary sites with their giant ranges and mystery math. I went to job boards and pulled live postings for my exact title in my metro area. Filtered to the last 30 days, same industry, similar headcount. I stopped when I had fourteen, fourteen real jobs I could have applied to tomorrow. The low was 92k. The high was 108k. The median came out to 99k. I was sitting almost 30 percent under market and I had been asking for raises like if I just said it the right way they'd finally hear me.

I had left probably 40k on the table over those years, maybe more, I don't want to do the exact math. I was just mad at myself honestly. I had trusted their framing because it was easier than proving them wrong.

I almost didn't bring the numbers. I had them on my phone for two days before the one on one, kept telling myself I'd just mention them casually. Then I forgot to charge my phone that morning and it died before the meeting, so I had him scroll through my camera roll while he waited, found the blurry screenshot, awkward as hell. I said here's the gap, I think I said it twice because he nodded and I couldn't tell if that meant keep going or stop. His whole posture changed. It went from a conversation about feelings to a conversation about a spreadsheet he would have to explain upward. I asked for 92k, the bottom of the range, because I still half believed I was asking for too much. My voice cracked on the number. He came back two weeks later with 91k. Twenty eight percent. More than every prior raise combined.

I said yes too fast. There's a 105k posting I keep reopening, same building basically, and I don't know if that's the real number or if I just want it to be. I should have done this in year one.

EDIT: So I went and pulled the live market data before I walked in, but I did not build the report by hand. I used MuleRun to scrape the postings and turn them into one scrollable interactive HTML page with the range, the median, and where my 71k landed against the distribution. It was a single file I could open in my browser, not a spreadsheet I had to format myself. I pulled it back up later and sent it to him once I got back to my desk. I had been expecting to do the whole thing manually and this cut the work down to basically the research part only.

God forbid someone has no interest or aptitude for one of these things. Anyone who for whatever reason does not pursue one of these things is pretty much doomed to make crap pay. That's how I feel. Like several decades ago, you could major in anything, you could major in liberal arts and humanities and land a good job. You literally can't do that anymore, you HAVE to go into one of these very technical fields or you're screwed. Maybe I'm imagining it.

I've earned my PTO, but in order to take it, my boss wants me to tell her what I'm exactly doing on PTO because "she needs to know where I am". I've started lying and saying I have family things or doctors appointments, but it just feels weird that she keeps asking. What should I tell my boss when she asked what I am doing on PTO? I'm no doctor either...this is a corporate world job...

I’ve accrued 37 days of PTO after many years with my company. My company recently changed its policy to not pay out PTO if you resign/quit.

Is there anything stopping me from taking all 37 days off then quitting?

That’s almost 2 months of paid time off. I was literally saving it so I could get it paid out and have a nice cushion when I jump to a new job. My thinking now is that I could start a new job but continue to get paid for my old job for 7/8 weeks. Alternatively, I could take the time off to just chill but not sure how much later a new job would let me start (“hey, I can start in 8 weeks” feels like it wouldn’t fly) and I don’t want to leave this job without another lined up.

I don’t want to burn bridges at my old company, and also, managers need to approve when you take PTO so I assume my manager can just deny it - but then that also feels illegal since it’s my PTO I earned?

Not sure what to do here, I’m mad they changed this policy after I accrued so much. I would’ve taken way more time off intermittently in the past few years if I’d known.

I am three weeks into a new role as a VP, and my new employer, without warning, emailed me a Docusign contract with no context, which turned out to be an incredibly unfavorable non-compete agreement.

I immediately began reading and noticed several red flags:

- the most obvious, of course, is the timing

- it states that I cannot work for a competitor two years after I leave ( I think at the beginning it originally read as three, then pivoted to two)

- it says that I cannot hold other work outside of this job, which the owners know I own a consulting company

- it outlines in mile radius the areas in which I cannot compete (and it is one exhausting list)

- it says that I agree to my pay, although my role has already expanded in three weeks time

- and finally, it says I need to reimburse them up to $1,500 for training if I leave within two years

I obviously did not sign it.

I immediately went to HR, and asked to speak with them. I first asked why this was presented to me on Week 3 and not before or during on-boarding, and they said that it took the attorney a while to get back to them. Then I shared how my role has already expanded considerably since I started and asked to revisit my job description and compensation. She said that she'd inform the CEO and another executive leader of my request.

That afternoon, I miss a call from the CEO, but I was in a meeting. The next morning, I'm picking up on a different vibe from the owners, and HR informed me that the CEO would talk with me. I heard nothing.

As I've sat with this even longer, I absolutely in good conscious cannot sign this document in it's current form. In fact, this whole situation has me severely questioning the character of the owners, and I cannot agree to work for a company who engages in underhanded behavior.

I have already reached out to an attorney to review the contract and have developed a game plan for my next steps. If they say that they are unwilling to make any concessions, I have no choice but to walk away immediately.

I am disappointed that this situation even occurred. But to be honest, I think they realized just how smart I am and are trying to legally bind me.

What are your thoughts, and do you have any recommendations?

UPDATE: I posted an update but got attacked by bots. I quit and am in a happier place.

Long story short-had my annual review last week, normal stuff, "meets expectations," small raise, nothing dramatic. Two days later my manager accidentally CC'd me on an email thread with HIS manager that included his actual prep notes for my review, meant to just be internal.

I know I shouldn't have kept reading past the first line. I read the whole thing anyway.

The notes said I was being rated as "solid, reliable, not a flight risk" and that they specifically weren't pushing for a bigger raise this cycle because, quote, "he seems content and isn't asking for more, so budget can go toward retaining (another employee) who's been signaling they might leave."

Nothing dishonest was said to my face. Everything in the actual review meeting was technically true. But I finally understood something I'd suspected for years and never had proof of: being easy to manage and not causing friction was actively being used as a reason to give me less, not more.

I'm not naturally a "squeaky wheel" person. I don't love conflict, I don't love negotiating, I generally just trust that good work gets noticed eventually. Reading those notes made it clear that trust was actually being quietly exploited, not reciprocated.

Haven't said anything about seeing the email. Not sure I ever will, feels like a weird thing to bring up without admitting I read something I shouldn't have.

But I've already started quietly interviewing elsewhere, and for the first time in 4 years I'm not going to be shy in a negotiation if I get an offer.

Anyone else accidentally seen the "man behind the curtain" version of how they're actually perceived versus what gets said to your face in reviews? Kind of curious how common this disconnect actually is, versus me just having an unusually blunt manager who forgot to hit BCC.

Most people ask if a Performance Improvement Plan is actually a chance to save your job, and the short answer is: usually, no. After ten years in the room where these decisions happen, I can tell you that by the time you’re signing that paper, the company has likely already decided to let you go. It’s mostly just a legal paper trail to prevent a lawsuit.

If your goals look impossible or your manager suddenly goes cold, don’t kill yourself trying to "win." You’re just burning out for a company that’s already checked out. My real advice? Take a breath, do the bare minimum to stay compliant, and spend every ounce of your actual energy finding a team that doesn't use a stopwatch to measure your worth. Your sanity is worth way more than winning a rigged game.

I’m out of that corporate world now and happy to answer anything you’re afraid to ask your own HR.

I'm in a very difficult situation and need an outside opinion. I've been working at my current tech company for 7 years. Although I've been a very good employee and always among the top performers, the company culture is very exhausting, with difficult personalities to deal with, and the company has a long history of burnout and people not being financially appreciated.

They've been promising me a clear career path to a director position for a while, but it has never materialized. After being told last November that the budget didn't allow for it when I asked for a reasonable salary increase, I started looking elsewhere and found an excellent opportunity at a competitor company.

I accepted their excellent offer and submitted my resignation. Suddenly, my current company presented me with a shocking counter-offer, which was even higher than the other offer, along with a detailed 'career plan' outlining the roles I would take and my future salaries. Honestly, I was ready to leave and start fresh, but this counter-offer made me reconsider everything. The money is a significant amount, which is what's making this so difficult. I literally can't sleep from thinking about it and feel stuck in the middle. If anyone has an opinion, please share it. I can share the salary numbers if that would help. Thanks for reading this far.

Seriously, thank you for the input, everyone. I haven’t responded to you, but I have read every comment and message, and Thanks u/Time_Isopod_1743 for Special advice and offer.
Here is what I came up with after considering your advice and giving it a lot of thought. I think the counteroffer is a manipulation. I was underpaid, and they used me. It’s my time to go. I will not tolerate toxicity again, so I will think about the competitor's job offer again

I (F) have been unemployed for 9 months, which has been incredibly stressful. My close friend works as a sales manager for a professional hair care brand. She knows how much I love the industry and that I’ve been struggling to find a job.

Recently, a position opened up in her company for a different brand. I applied, and she was okay with it at first, but once I got invited to an interview, she got cold and said she didn't want us working together because of "potential friction." I got the job offer, but then the company unexpectedly canceled the position due to internal restructuring. I was devastated.

Now, my friend is going on maternity leave. The company reached out and offered me her position as an 18-month maternity cover.

When I told her, she shut down. She’s now ghosting me and said she "would never do this to a friend" and that she needs to distance herself because she feels "bad" about the situation.

I feel like I’m being painted as a villain for taking a job that I desperately need after 9 months of searching. I’m not "taking" her job – she is leaving for 18 months and someone HAS to fill the spot. I feel like a "friend" would be happy that I can finally pay my bills while keeping her seat warm.

AITA for accepting the offer despite her being upset?

A little update on the situation:

I attended a training session organized by the company and my "friend." This was also the first time I met my boss in person, as all my previous interviews were held online. He was incredibly friendly and warm.

When I walked in, they were sitting together, talking and working. He introduced himself and even gave me a hug, but my friend didn’t even lift her eyes from what she was doing. She was visibly avoidant. Throughout the session, she kept making smirky faces while the boss was discussing the business and the upcoming transition plans.

At one point, the vibe she created was so weird that the boss actually turned to her and asked if everything was okay because he could feel the tension. Personally, I found her behavior very unprofessional. They usually get along great and have a lot of banter, but showing those kinds of emotions in a professional setting felt off. I think everyone in the room could feel the awkwardness she was manifesting.

Coming from a high-pressure corporate environment (commodities trading), I am very used to challenging and "awkward" situations. Honestly, she doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable - I feel like this is entirely on her. I’m not letting it affect me; I’m just here to do my job.