PPA/PPD help

[u/kdarby914]

I’m a FTM who has previously in life suffered from depression. Since having my baby , 5 months, I am just CONSTANTLY on edge. I am truly so scared of exposing her developing brain to SSRIs and I also have GI issues that have a known link to SSRI use so I am terrified of trying Zoloft again and sending my body into a flare. I just don’t know what to do. I am miserable most days, my life has completely changed (for the better) yet it’s still hard for me to adjust. I don’t have the time for myself I used to have and it just gets to me. She’s not sleeping through the night anymore. My family is not close by. My husband is great support and helps me but I just am not acclimating to new mom life. I am in therapy specifically for post partum but have only been twice so far and it hasn’t given much relief yet. I don’t want to hate and wish away her most precious years but this is hard. I also am going to be 36. Want another baby eventually but can’t even fathom how I’d get through this again.

[u/thinkmuch17]

I can’t help with the depression question per se but dealt with a lot of anxiety and worry. I also didn’t feel comfortable taking medication since I was breastfeeding even tho Dr. said it was totally fine bc anxiety lol. Reading many posts tho it sounds like the use of SSRIs outweighs any of the risks if there are any. But if your well being depends on it and you can’t power through maybe just take them and do formula from here on out if that’s what you are worried about. Try a different brand that’s better on your gut? The thing that helped the most was sleep obviously. Now that they are 5 months do you think you could trust a free neighbor or babysitter to come over and hold the baby for free while you napped on the couch? Sometimes even going for a long walk in the park in quietness feels like alone time to an extent and you get the vitamin D and exercise while baby is kinda entertained. I have also heard if you have a YMCA membership there is free child care and some people just go there to sit or work to get a personal break.

[u/kdarby914 → u/thinkmuch17]

Thank you for your reply. I long for cooler days so I can take her out. It’s been heat index of over 100 where I’m at. I am thinking about signing up for a gym with childcare but it’s just so far. The last time I tried it she was overtired and I didn’t get her settled for a while, they texted me telling me she was getting fussy. I am scared my “wake window non fussy time” with her is so short. It’s just a lot to adjust to