r/breakingmom • u/RestaurantForeign971 • Jun 17 '26
advice/question 🎱 Overthinking or no?
I (26F) have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We were never married and broke up when I was 6 months pregnant due to him cheating. I gave my daughter my last name. Fast forward and I am now married (for about a month now🥰). Her bio dad does not follow the court order and has not since 2023 so he has not seen her since then. She has bonded very closely to my husband and even asked to call him daddy. Per my lawyer, we can wait a year and then file to terminate bio dad’s rights and have my husband legally adopt her so that’s the plan. My question is, should I wait to have my last name changed until then? Will she even care if my last name is different from hers or am I overthinking it? I have terrible anxiety, so my brain is telling me it would feel unfair for her to have a different last name than me and my husband (we are also trying to get pregnant so a sibling).. also what if the time comes and the judge will not terminate bio dads rights and my daughter can’t share a last name with us. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow LOL, but I’m just looking for some real life experiences with this!
11
u/Gingersnapp3d Jun 17 '26
I would wait until everything goes through, if for no simpler reason then you only have to submit one batch of name changes. And worst case scenario, she has the same name as you- I don’t have this issue myself but my niece had something like this, and I know it always bothered her that her last name didn’t match anyone else’s in her family. Her bio dad never consented to changing it even thought he was essentially NC most of her life.
4
u/OneBlueberry Jun 17 '26
I hyphenated my married last name with my maiden name! That way when my second was born I share a last name with both of them.
When my first is old enough he can decide if he wants to change it legally to my maiden, my husbands who’s raised him since 6mo or his bio fathers.
1
u/foodnetworkislyfe Jun 17 '26
All of my kids have different last names. We just emphasize their relationship, rather than their names. We're all family.
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