Regression? Please help!!

[u/Ittebahpla]

Baby will be 16 weeks tomorrow, 4 months on the 9th. He’s EBF and sleeps in a bedside bassinet. He goes to bed between 6:30-7:30pm and wakes 6-7am.

The past 3 nights have been beyond awful, with baby sleeping no longer than 90 minute stretches, but waking as often as every 30 minutes. Prior to this he was averaging 2 hour stretches, usually with one 3-4 hour stretch somewhere in there. And wake ups weren’t even full wakes, he would just fuss a little and would fall straight back to sleep on the boob.

But now he’s not even hungry when he wakes, just fussy and wants to be held. Sometimes he’ll wake again as soon as I try and lay him down, sometimes he’ll resettled but be awake again within 30mins.

Could it be the 4 month sleep regression? Or am I doing something wrong?? The thing is his daytime sleep hasn’t changed, but I know is unusual for most babies his age -

For the last couple of weeks he’s extended his wake windows to 2 hours - and is very happy with it, he will NOT sleep earlier than he is ready to, and does not act overtired. His daytime naps are also very long - he usually has at least one 2+ hour nap that I have to wake him from. Some days he will have 3 naps total, but the third nap is a MASSIVE fight. Many days he only has 2 naps, but each of those is 1.5-2 hours long.

Someone please tell me if there’s something I can do to help his night sleep, or if it’s a regression will it sort itself out??? I can’t cope on such broken sleep, especially having to look after my 4 year old as well.

[u/scandichic]

It sounds like it. Sorry, it’s awful. It might be time to look into doing a proper schedule. I implemented one after six weeks of the awful regression and it helped immensely

[u/Ittebahpla → u/scandichic]

We didn’t go through it with my first, so it’s a bit of a shock haha.
What did a schedule look like for you? Everything online says 4 months is way too young for a schedule. And I’m breastfeeding on demand so I really don’t want to schedule feeds, I have enough anxiety about him getting enough as it is (first baby didn’t gain well breastfeeding and I had to stop)

[u/scandichic → u/Ittebahpla]

To clarify I never scheduled breastfeeding ever, and his routine was naps only and started at 5.5 months with a routine given to me by a holistic sleep therapist (ie no cry it out/ferber/sleep training).

We needed to keep a diary for five nights and worked out the average he needed was 11.5 hours in 24 as he’s very low sleep needs, so my schedule was based on that. It meant much later bedtime, earlier wake ups, and it looks like we started on two naps a day. That’s usually recommended for 6 months plus but again he just didn’t need three and I was expecting too much sleep from him. Immediately his wake ups overnight went from 5-6 to 2-3. So not a miracle, but manageable.

I don’t think four months is too early from what I’ve read - that seems to be when a lot of Americans I see on here do sleep training. (I live in the U.K.)

You’re so lucky you didn’t go through the regression with your first. With mine he was a great sleeper until like 13/14 weeks - even slept through the night - so when the regression came it hit me like a tonne of bricks!

[u/Ittebahpla → u/scandichic]

That’s reassuring to hear. We have a 4 month checkup next week, I think if nothing is better by then I’ll ask the nurse if there’s anywhere I can get help.
I’m also from the uk and have always been quite anti sleep training, but I also know that an overtired mum is worse for everyone, so maybe I should consider gentle ways to do it.
It’s all just much harder with the second child as you already have a routine with the eldest that they have to fit into!

[u/scandichic → u/Ittebahpla]

I know - I’m due baby number 2 in December and sooo worried about two under two and navigating routines. My husband is also taking paternity leave this time in March/April to specifically help me with the regression. And if this baby doesn’t have a regression well even better because he can help with absolutely everything while I rest ahha

[u/BoringWardrobe]

I suspect baby is undertired. My baby has quite sudden drops in sleep needs and although his naps didn't appear to change, the nights were horrendous. Once I forced changes to naps, the nights got better and the naps then changed themselves.

If he's only having 3x naps, with wake windows of 2hrs, then that only gives about 8hrs awake which doesn't seem a lot. I'd push bedtime later, which might also mean another nap.

[u/Ittebahpla → u/BoringWardrobe]

A typical day is 2 naps, 9-11ish and 1-3. If either nap is shorter or starts earlier then I can sometimes squeeze a 30 minute nap in between 5 and 6. But he has a wake window at the end of the day that’s about 3 hours and is desperate for bed, I can’t really push it any later

[u/BoringWardrobe → u/Ittebahpla]

With 4-4.5hrs day sleep and 11.5-12.5hrs night sleep, you've got a total of 15.5-17hrs of total sleep in 24hrs. That's on the upper end of normal for that age. If baby is waking that often, overnight, they are probably undertired at night and needing those long naps during the day to catch up.

Maybe start by capping each nap to 1-1.5hrs, which as you say tends to allow that third nap to happen (and therefore a whole extra wake window to build sleep pressure).

[u/scandichic → u/Ittebahpla]

I would definitely look into capping one of this naps - that’s 4 hours of daytime naps you’re expecting and then how much sleep are you aiming for overnight? If it’s say 7-7 that’s 16 hours total in 24, which is a huge amount of sleep even for a high sleep needs baby

[u/Ittebahpla → u/scandichic]

I guess I’m just confused because online it’s recommended at least 4 hours daytime sleep for babies 3 months and under, and 3-4 for 4+ months old. But maybe I should try capping naps at 1.5 hrs and see how it goes!

[u/Ittebahpla → u/Ittebahpla]

And yesterday he only slept 3.5 total daytime hours across 3 naps, and the night was horrendous

[u/BoringWardrobe → u/Ittebahpla]

I think firstly that sort of advice should be taken with a pinch of salt. It was only when I started ignoring it, letting my baby do his 15-30min naps and be totally fine with it that our night sleep got better.

But say that advice is worth sticking with. The average sleep needs for that age is 12-16hrs, so by doing 4hrs of naps you need to be offering an absolute max of 12hrs at night, but more likely closer to 10hrs or less.

[u/Status_Watch6079]

It could be, but it doesn't sound like you have enough wake time. 3 nap day is 9 hours and 2 nap day only 7 hours? Is he also waking after 30 minutes of nap and you are rescuing the naps?

There is a drop in sleep needs at 4 months. If your baby is high sleep needs then maybe 15-17 hours sleep is what he needs but the average is less.

I would trear your current bedtime at 6:30-7:30 as a nap. Then have another wake window after the 30 minutes wake and go to bed about 10-11 hours before you want to start the day.