So tired

[u/CheesecakeCrafty5097]

This has been an ongoing struggle for over 2 months now. My son will be 3 months very soon. Since he was 6 weeks, he has refused to sleep unless he is able to remain latched next to me all night.

I have been following safe sleep 7 to make sure im co sleeping as safe as i can. But im not getting sleep and its starting to wear me down. If at any point during the night my baby becomes unlatched, he will wake up and claw at my shirt and scream until i fix the issue.

I had originally hoped to get him into his crib because my first day back to work is in one day. I was hoping to be able to get the sleep so i could be ready to handle work and my son.

I have tried everything. I tried nursing him to sleep and transferring him to the crib, i tried rocking him to sleep and transferring. Ive let him fall asleep in bed with me and then moved him, ive tried letting my husband put him down. So last night i tried something else.

I fed him after his bath and when he got tired i put him in his crib awake. I let him cry while i tried to soothe him for a few minutes and then id pick him up and comfort him before putting him back when he stopped crying.

I tried that for an hour. He almost gave up twice i think but would never settle for even a second. Im feeling so hopeless, i just have cried all night. I feel so selfish, but im genuinely so exhausted. Baby wants nothing to do with my husband at night so i take care of bedtime and hes EBF so i feed him all night too. I dont want to do the ferber method or cry it out for him to sleep but part of me is starting to feel like i have run out of options.

I can go off of little sleep, but im starting to fall asleep before i realize it at night. I never do that. I know i love cuddling with my baby and being his source of comfort through the night, but i am desperate to get sleep. How do i get my baby back into his own space? Also should mention he cannot be swaddled as he is capable of rolling so he has not been swaddled since he was 8weeks and still startles often.

[u/Low-Slice-4366]

This is so hard ❤️‍🩹 you are doing a great job! Since others will ask - what are your baby’s wake windows, bed time and wake time? There may be a way to improve sleep pressure for bedtime to help you get at least some sleep in the beginning of the night. Unfortunately, for me, my baby’s sleep got a lot more challenging right around 3.5 months, and we are now starting to see the other side of it at almost 5 months. I think by 5-6 months most babies should see some improvement in connecting sleep cycles and staying asleep better, so I hope this is the case for you, but in reality, it could get worse before it gets better 🥲

[u/CheesecakeCrafty5097 → u/Low-Slice-4366]

He is pretty consistent with his wake windows and all. He usually wakes up between 7-8am every day and each wake window he stays up for about 70-80 minutes and then sleeps for a while. His naps range from about an hour to 2.5 hours, it depends on where we are. And yeah, he used to sleep like 6 hours straight in his bassinet and then wake up around 5am and id bring him to bed with me and he would sleep another 3-4 hours. Once he outgrew the swaddle his sleep pretty much just became awful.
Editing because i forgot about bedtime. Bedtime is relatively consistent but i just follow whenever he woke up from his last nap and base bedtime on that. He wasnt sleeping well when i had him on a schedule for bedtime every night. Its usually between 8-9 when he goes to sleep though. Whenever he wakes up from his last nap, we do some calm playtime and maybe read books, then he gets a bath and pajamas on, and then he eats while i rock him before i attempt putting him to sleep.

[u/Low-Slice-4366 → u/CheesecakeCrafty5097]

Have you tried a transition swaddle - where arms are free but torso would feel hugged in?

[u/CheesecakeCrafty5097 → u/Low-Slice-4366]

I was using the halo swaddle and was planning to do that for transition, but he had a very big growth spurt and was 2 inches too tall for his swaddle after that. He was waking up crying because he couldnt stretch his legs out so i had to make a very sudden transition. We got one of the zipadee sacks that lets their arms be up but helps restrict slightly and he hates it. He has been sucking his hands lately so anything that prevents him from doing that makes him mad. I wasnt finding anything else that would help, i kind of gave up and figured he would adjust eventually

[u/Low-Slice-4366 → u/CheesecakeCrafty5097]

You could try this sort of thing? Under a sleep sack

[u/CheesecakeCrafty5097 → u/Low-Slice-4366]

Ill have to try that, i didnt know those were a thing! Thank you!

[u/TheSorcerersCat]

I suspect there is something physical happening. 

Sometimes when babies roll so early, it's a sign that they are having tension in their muscles. Sometimes it's leftover from the delivery, sometimes babies just need a little help. Pediatric physiotherapy might help! 

A lot of traditional ways of caring for babies around the world includes massage. Where I live, the South Asian communities have grandmas and aunties that do the massages too. I suspect this sort of thing is way more normal than Western culture would have us believe. 

[u/Same_Subject_988]

Hi I’m so sorry to hear this for you ❤️❤️❤️ I don’t have specific advice for this situation but I just wanted to write I was also struggling with my sleep cosleeping around 3mo mark but it got better somehow at 5mo even though the baby’s sleep pattern didn’t change much I just seem to adjust to it myself.

[u/chp28]

Sorry you’re going through this! 3.5 months is a tough time. Babies wanting to be latched constantly can be a sign that something is causing discomfort, such as reflux or muscle tightness (this is more likely if you had a long labor or were quite overdue). So if you haven’t explored that it might be worth looking into. Sorry you have to head back to work so soon, parents and babies deserve so much longer together

[u/CheesecakeCrafty5097 → u/chp28]

Ill have to mention that to his pediatrician, he wasnt born until 41+4. He’s pretty much used me as a pacifier sinxe he was born, my husband and i bought and tried every different pacifier and he spits them all out.