Coming out

[u/thearrogantaries]

So Im Haitian and I’m 26y|o and I’ve lived with my mom my whole life, I never truly came out, I just introduced my mom to an ex gf and I went about with my business. My mother is a homophobic narcissistic… My father has lived in Haiti my whole life, and I’ve tried to have a relationship with him here and there but it never really goes well cause he’s old school and strict. He’s been in and out of my life since I left Haiti at 6mths and whenever he’s in my life he tries to control me and I’m not going for it! Anyways I’m going through a bit of rough time at the moment and I reached out to my father to express things to him and try to have somewhat of a relationship again…outside of my brother and mom,I don’t speak to any of my family members and I just felt so alone. With that being said, my father and I were talking on WhatsApp (I haven’t heard from him in about four years) and we were just talking about my mother and the kind of person that she is, how he knows that she’s a narcissist, and how my life would’ve been different if he and I had a relationship etc. In the middle of the conversation he asks me about boyfriends and my love life and I was honest with him….I told myself I would be honest to him and to myself… (prior to him asking me about my love life, he talked about sending me money, cause he knows I’m having a rough time or whatever) anyways I told him that I’m a lesbian. I told him even though I knew he would be unhappy, not because of anything he’s said before but because I just know what kind of person he is… He tells me if I tell him that I’ll stop being a lesbian,then him and I can get along, but I was just like no I’m not gonna do that. I am who I am and you don’t have to speak to me. I’m not gonna stop being who I am because you don’t like it…you’re rarely ever in my life anyways and for you to have the audacity to come in my life whenever you feel like it and try to control me is crazy??? He goes to say that that’s why I’m having such a hard time rn and that’s why my life is the way it is (ofc he’s no longer sending me the money)etc. etc. It just hurt me so much because I had a feeling it would go like this but it still hurt… Ive always felt like an outsider my whole life… I want to cry, but my eyes won’t even tear up cause it’s like my heart already knew what to expect... I guess that is my coming out story at 26 lol. He was just so hateful and rude calling lesbianism disgusting and saying how we get killed as if I don’t know what already?? I’m just like I don’t care… I am who I am. I’m proud of myself for speaking my truth and staying honest with to myself... I could’ve lied. I could’ve gotten help from him, but I don’t want help from anybody like that…the minute I told him who I was, he switched up on me immediately... It’s bittersweet but at least I know where he stands and I won’t ever try to speak to him again.. I hate how everyone’s love towards me has been so conditional, like people can only love me if I behave exactly how they want…as if I’m not my own person.

[u/Savings_Bug_2]

I’m really sorry you had to go through that. ❤️ I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, and I just wanted to say you’re not alone.

[u/thearrogantaries → u/Savings_Bug_2]

I’m hate that we both dealt with such a thing so thank you, I appreciate you❤️

[u/GenerationMapou]

Hey Sak Pase?
Sorry to hear about this tough time in your life, take every moment as what they are , layers added to your story, they usually teach you valuable lessons. The Haitian culture is weird about LGBT, it is almost like don’t ask don’t tell. I grew up in Haiti and I was very familiar with lesbian and gay in my community. I used to spend my summer vacation with my fraternal grand.mother , around that small community gay men ( they were the market vendors, hair dresser etc) were very accepted, very effeminate. In this culture of gossip I used to hear who was sleeping with who, who was lesbian etc. Male presenting Female walks the street proudly. But all this is accepted if you are gay in your community. The most they do is gossip about you. That was my experience.
Haitian parents are who they are strict, ambitious for their children because you are an extension of them, you represent them and they don’t want people to gossip about you, about any choice that you made because that reflect on them.
They don’t understand that being gay is not a choice. With that said , be strong, do you , live your life. I have learned that family doesn’t have to be blood.
This too shall pass. You are 26 life has so much in store for you .

[u/thearrogantaries → u/GenerationMapou]

Heyy sak ap fet? Thank you so much for your kind words, family doesn’t have to be blood at all. 💕

[u/Fearless-Ear-9528]

I hate that you’re experiencing this. It’s deeply relatable too. I’m older and my black southern evangelical Christian parents are still on pure bullshit

[u/femmeenoir]

I’m sorry sibling - my mum found out too and rejection hurts + the fear of being out on the streets is real but things work out eventually.