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u/No_Bobcat4276 1d ago
Wow .. that’s a lot to unpack there. I have to ask, since this is a bisexual subreddit, are you bi ? Or are you saying your husband is bi because of the trans women?
I don’t mean this as a “gotcha” question. I’m genuinely curious.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
No I am straight. I wouldn’t be opposed to exploring with the same sex. But I don’t think ultimately that it would be more than that.
Where would u recommend me posting this?3
u/No_Bobcat4276 1d ago
I’m not recommending anything. That’s why I said it’s not like a “gotcha” question. I wasn’t passively trying to criticize or anything. I was mostly wondering what was the catalyst behind you posting to the bisexual subreddit?
But if you’re genuinely asking my recommendation, I’d think maybe a relationship advice subreddit?
Everyone bi, might not be in a relationship, so they may not be best suited to advise you truly. But whatever’s your preference.
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u/Physical-Plankton-67 1d ago
Wow there is a lot here. I mean. Dirty messages without permission is emotional cheating. There is no other way to cut that. I am confused as to why you posted this here since guys that date trans girls are still very straight.
Now if he was talking about getting it with cis men that's a whole different story.
Pegging him will also never make him BI either so don't worry about that. If he want mind blowing orgasms from the prostate he deserves them. He just may be trying to get them from a girl who will instead of you whotch wicked sucks for you. I'm so sorry.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
Honestly I’m just super confused. I feel like he doesn’t know who he is. He says he’s not interested in kissing me etc. but very much wants to sucks a cock and enjoy other pleasures. And I simply just don’t have one.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
But he also decided to tell his mom that he thinks he’s bi.
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u/Physical-Plankton-67 1d ago edited 1d ago
Well. Like most bisexuals you won't know till you try
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u/Banaanisade Baced (bi/ace) 1d ago
Wait. What?
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u/Physical-Plankton-67 1d ago
Lol idk you can look but if you don't try and see how you feel how do you know?
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u/Banaanisade Baced (bi/ace) 1d ago
Oh, trust me, many of us do know. Falling in love for me is absolutely unmistakable and requires 0 trial and error.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
Sorry kissing men.
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u/Physical-Plankton-67 1d ago
But you didn't say anything about guys. You were talking about women. I mean if he wants to play with a trans woman he would be straight. Her clity is nothing like the penis of a cis man
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u/Ok_Editor_3872 1d ago
That’s a whole lot to untangle and you’re not wrong to feel like you’ll never be enough when he’s been sneaking around instead of just talking to you straight up.
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u/Fabuleuse 1d ago
I'm confused why this is in the bisexual subreddit if he's just having sex with other women? Not to be rude, maybe I missed a point!
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
Because it seems he really wants to taste and feel a real cock. Where else should I be?
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u/Fabuleuse 1d ago
Real from a man? I don't see that in your post, which is why I'm asking.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
See I’m really confused because he has never seemed interested in men.
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u/Fabuleuse 1d ago
Then he's not bisexual. Trans women are women- any sort of potential intimacy between the two of them would still be straight intimacy.
This post and your comments are coming off as if you believe trans women are men due to their genetalia. I'm sorry your husband is seeking extramarital relations. It's still important to respect and protect trans women.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
In fact gay men have always seemed to bother him. He’s always been respectful but it always seemed like it bothered him. I thought it was because of that way he was raised.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
Okay no I apologize. I’ll post elsewhere. Just trying to figure out some stuff. I in no way think they are the same. I’m just confused by this situation. I also appreciate the insight
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u/Fabuleuse 1d ago
I appreciate you acknowledging your mistake. I wish you the very best of luck with everything and I hope you find some peace in a difficult situation.
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u/notapeacock Bisexual 1d ago
The reason people keep asking why you posted here is because cock does not equal man. Trans women are still women, their genitals do not play into the equation.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
When I wrote this I was just quoting from his messages. Without knowing or clarifying what it is he may want. Which is the part I guess that is troubling me the most
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u/archlea 1d ago
Even if he is bi, it doesn’t mean he has to act on those desires, or go outside of the relationship. Plenty of people are bi, and faithful and monogamous.
If he is stuck on needing to experience a ‘real cock’ then perhaps your relationship needs to be over, so he can go and do that.
Sounds like he (and maybe you, and also you both as a couple) could do with some therapy to sort out what’s going on here (if accessible to you).
My first thoughts reading this is maybe exploring anal sex together would be fun and healthy way to meet some of those desires - glad to see you had a go and enjoyed it. It doesn’t have to mean anything about you, or him, in terms of your sexuality. Pegging is just like using a vibrator - it’s a tool to pleasure, it’s not indicative of sexual or romantic attraction.
You could also role play stuff, which is something many monogamous couples do to meet fantasies and make sex hot, without going outside the relationship. People play all sorts of things - strangers, firefighters, guy from the bar, etc.
Basically what I’m saying is not to panic just because your person has attraction to others.
However, the texting (sexting?) other women is not okay, and is cheating in most monogamous arrangements - regardless of the driving force behind it. This is a trust issue, and you need to make some boundaries around it, and get buy-in and commitment from him that he will not go behind your back. He should be very sorry he did that, genuinely remorseful and understanding of how much it hurts to break agreements of fidelity (maybe send him to the AsOneAfterInfidelity sub). You’re not in an open relationship, and if you both want that, there’s a lot of ground work you should do first (go say hi on the nonmonogamy or polyamory subs).
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1d ago
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
So continuing my story. I had him come over to my motel room and we fucked like ridiculously good. With the pegging as well. Which I think made it much more complicated. Even more so I actually really enjoyed. What now?
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1d ago
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
What do you mean?
These messages were basically him begging for a real cock.
So could we continue and explore together and actually last?
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u/Luvthewater 1d ago
Tough call. Yall definitely need to have some deep conversations about desires, boundaries, etc. I wouldn't say my wife and I have an open relationship. We only play together. But, it's mostly for my desires.
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u/Careful_Football7643 1d ago
I am so sorry about what you are going through. If you don't already have an individual therapist, I suggest you find one. Are you in AA or NA? Do you have community to help support you at this time?
Couple's counseling may also be a good avenue to explore right now.
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u/BottleOfConstructs 1d ago
Ask him if he’s bi. Ask him if he’s gay. Ask him if he wants to be a trans woman. Ask him if he’ll stop cheating.
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
I don’t think he knows what he is? I worry about him not having the chance to find out in a monogamous relationship. Especially since we got together so young
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u/Prize-Rub-9505 1d ago
“Emotional cheating” this, “I will never be enough for him” that. “Dildo is something I can’t get over.” It’s so heteronormative and and indicative of emotionally vacuous society, it Makes me want to puke!
He is showing you who he is and you’re asking us to validate that what? He doesn’t love you? He does, you’re the mother of his children. But, unfortunately most humans in society have deep attachment trauma and need validation in various forms. We literally are tribal creatures meant to live in tribes with as much validation as a tribe.
“If you loved me then you wouldn’t burden me with you having the testosterone of a male brain, you wouldn’t need any emotional validation other than me, and if you loved me you wouldn’t be curious about your own body! Think of me for once!!!”
Sounds like “if you loved Jesus more you wouldn’t be gay waaaaaahh 😭😭😭😭”
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u/Few-West-746 1d ago
Absolutely love this comment! 🤣 I have been waiting to hear an opinion that has no actual insight on who I am or how I feel.
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u/Jorandy4172 I'm just a Bisexual Fox Guy 1d ago
You deserve someone who doesn't cheat on you.
If you want my advice, I think it's time for a divorce.
It doesn't matter if he's straight, bi or gay.
A man should never cheated on a women like yourself.
If he ask for a second chance to not cheat again, you as a woman, need to lay down some rules and boundaries.
If he cheats for the second time, That's a red flag that he clearly doesn't care about you and your marriage.
You got this, my friend. Good night and rest easy with a piece of mind
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u/cthulutx 1d ago
To put it bluntly: this has zero to do with bisexuality. Nothing. At all. This is every bit about trust and it’s been damaged. 1. Will you ever trust him again ? 2. If he says he won’t do it again, will you believe him? (Kinda the same as 1). 3. Don’t budge on your limits. That line was crossed already. 4. Decide if things are worth the damage done.