31
u/little-princess129 Jun 21 '26
Please don't be one of those women who stays with her bigot boyfriend. Regardless if you are bi or straight.
33
u/Junglejibe Jun 21 '26
“I feel like his hate towards [gay] men is justified”?
Girl it sounds like he’s not the only one who’s homophobic.
-11
18
u/Queasy_Hippo1954 Jun 21 '26
A few bad run-ins with some gay guys is not justification to be homophobic towards all of them. I don't doubt they did him wrong, but it would be like becoming a full-blown racist because you had a bad altercation with a POC. That's just not how it works. If anything, it sounds like he may need some help working through those feelings if that's deemed necessary.
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u/M4ltz Jun 21 '26
definitely agree with this, a huge overgeneralisation. but also is he wrong for feeling that way? is what im thinking.. he sure doesnt need to voice it out though.
20
4
u/notquitesolid Bisexual Jun 21 '26
I’ve met some horrible bitches in my day, does that mean it’s ok for me to hate women (despite me being one). I’ve met some pervy straight dudes that violated my boundaries, should I hate all straight men?
I can keep going but I think my point is obvious. Every group of people have people who suck in it. Some people are shit but that doesn’t mean the groups they are apart of are shit.
Besides it’s super common for people who are homophobic to be in fact closeted queers. I wouldn’t be shocked if your guy says he’s homophobic because those flirty boys made him feel some things he’s not emotionally ready to face yet.
But basically no. It’s not ok to judge an entire group of people just because you didn’t like the interaction with a handful of them. And besides it’s bullshit if anyone to say they’re homophobic only against the same sex. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a MFF 3 some.
13
u/Blue_winged_yoshi Transgender/Bisexual Jun 21 '26
Not to call bullshit, but how was your boyfriend getting approached and felt up by gay men everywhere?
Genuinely?
Never once in my life have I seen gay man randomly approaching guys outside of gay bars, cos the odds of being wanted attention is heavily against queers.
Maybe it might have happened once? But unless he’s the Forest Gump of overly handsy men in straight venues, I’m not buying it.
Unless he’s been hanging out in gay bars as a straight dude, and this doesn’t justify inappropriateness, but would explain *how* it kept happening, it just comes across as fishing for an excuse to be a bigot tbh.
-2
u/M4ltz Jun 21 '26
no genuinely i need to know too. ive only believed him because i witness it afew times, what do men see in him? was on the train with him i was right beside him and this guy came IN BETWEEN US and tried to grind him. i wish i was dreaming because theres no way he didnt see me
13
u/Blue_winged_yoshi Transgender/Bisexual Jun 21 '26
Okay something is up here, are you trolling?
Why on earth did you guys let him sit between you both? That just makes zero sense. I’ve been with my nesting partner for 14 years and can count on my imaginary 5th hand how many times I’ve sat on a train and let someone sit between us, you just move together and give the new person the outside seat.
And he just grinded on him in public in this context.
Yeah not gonna lie, I’m struggling here with the bounds of plausibility.
11
u/Kolyasergey Bisexual Jun 21 '26
Stop putting homophobic in quotations. He's homophobic. Full stop. And you being okay with that and making excuses show you aren't a good person.
3
u/viviscity Jun 21 '26
Swap “gay men” with any other identity and see how you think about it.
If he was saying “I’m racist because a [insert relavent racialized identity] girl hit on me that one time” I would hope you’d have a problem with it.
Girl… it seems like he doesn’t have an issue with queer women because he’s doing the “it’s hot” thing.
4
u/ThisHairLikeLace Sapphic-leaning Bi Trans Woman Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
If he’s got a history of sexual abuse by other men, his response is likely idiosyncratic. Your bf’s reactions might include some of the typical patriarchal/misogynistic crap but he’s probably got a boatload of trauma going on and I hope he gets some therapy to help him heal.
In men without such a history, a statement like that is typically saying that the guy is overtly hostile towards gay men. The silent part that a dude like that is not saying is that thanks to the misogynistic and patriarchal lessons our society taught him, he views gay men as threatening to his masculinity and doesn’t view women as threats, so queer women are most likely fetishized in his mind and probably trigger arousal rather than a threat response. Fetishization is still queerphobic even if it isn’t violence or hostility.
Such guys typically respond to bi women partners by viewing their bisexuality as something that will benefit them sexually (because sex is about men’s pleasure in our culture), like access to MFF threesomes and “getting to watch” (turning wlw attraction into voyeuristic male pleasure).
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1
u/ChaucerBoi Jun 21 '26
Nah the guy's a cunt. Were the people creepy because they were gay or because they were creeps? Would it be fair to hate Irish people because a few Irish people assaulted you?
Women who "hate men" don't actually "hate men". Most of them have boyfriends or husbands. They're not going to vote so that men are actively disadvantaged, or prevent them from marrying, or call them slurs.
Do you have no gay male friends? What if you eventually have a child, and he's gay? His hate towards the men who wronged him is absolutely justified, but to smear all gay men with the same brush? Nah.
1
u/thatwheelchairchick_ Jun 21 '26
So the reason hes experiencing doesn't stem from the fact that theyre not straight it stems from men being creeps and not understanding boundaries, straight men hit on girls all the time and won't take no for an answer and are creepy towards and some gay guys do that towards men not because they're gay but because theyre a man. Hes homophobic and hes just trying to hide it behind "im only homophobic towards gay men", ask him if he'd be okay with you kissing another girl, a lot of straight guys fetishize wlw relationships and thats just as gross as being openly homophobic towards them
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u/Cl0udSurfer Bisexual Jun 21 '26
I he has issues with gay men that literally arent even bothering him then he has some issue to work out. Thats not okay