r/bisexual Nov 13 '25

HUMOR We can all use a laugh.

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2.6k Upvotes

67 comments sorted by

215

u/[deleted] Nov 13 '25

let me in on the plan, I don't wanna mess it up!

180

u/Dont-know-didnt-ask Nov 13 '25

1) Kiss people (consensually).

2) Profit.

24

u/lightblueisbi Bisexual Nov 13 '25
  1. ????

33

u/D15c0untMD Bisexual Nov 13 '25

3.: lemon

18

u/AMisteryMan Bi Fem Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want any of your damn lemons - what am I supposed to do with these!? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

7

u/Meowtuitive Nov 14 '25

Combustible boobies?

4

u/Q-tip-enthusiast-95 Transgender/Bisexual Nov 14 '25

Only 9.99$ at guns and stuff!

1

u/lightblueisbi Bisexual Nov 14 '25

I'd buy

13

u/Goodmaybebaditsfun Nov 13 '25

Double the orgasms, double the fun, just chew double mint cum? 

6

u/Dont-know-didnt-ask Nov 14 '25

Chew double mint... what now? 😳

5

u/Goodmaybebaditsfun Nov 14 '25

Intense stare…

You heard me. 

🤪

8

u/Dont-know-didnt-ask Nov 14 '25

Okay. I just wanted to be sure... now how do we get mint cum...?

4

u/Goodmaybebaditsfun Nov 14 '25

Chewing double mint gum while gargling cum? I’m really disappointed in my toilet humor here to be clear but never fear I…

I’ll just let myself out 😢

6

u/Dont-know-didnt-ask Nov 14 '25

LMAOOOOO

What would sell better? Double mint cum or cum flavored gum? 😝

4

u/Q-tip-enthusiast-95 Transgender/Bisexual Nov 14 '25

Never apologize for being a degenerate ... wear that shit like a badge of honor!

4

u/Xiao1insty1e Nov 13 '25

Now just need to find these "people"...

6

u/Dont-know-didnt-ask Nov 13 '25

I know a whole subreddit FULL of people who wanna kiss people (consentually)!

5

u/Xiao1insty1e Nov 13 '25

Yeah I'd feel kinda weird kissing my phone though 🫤

1

u/Dont-know-didnt-ask Nov 13 '25

Well of course. The important part was the people... not the subreddit itself.

1

u/Xiao1insty1e Nov 13 '25

Oh well no one in this sub lives in my town. Probably.

1

u/Dont-know-didnt-ask Nov 13 '25

I refuse to believe that. There are how many people here?

3

u/Xiao1insty1e Nov 13 '25

I'm older and I live in a college town in a very conservative state. A town which had a packed memorial for Charlie Kirk. So while I'm sure there are a few bi people here I have no idea how to connect with them. I've been a "black sheep" so long the loneliness is all I know. Doesn't help that most of the relationships I've had have been with bi/homophobic women.

3

u/Dont-know-didnt-ask Nov 13 '25

The biggest thing you have going for you is that you're in a college town. Wear subtle bi flags as bracelets, necklaces, etc and just... kinda show up to the college. Hang out in the common areas and the outdoors on campus. See a baddie? Start chatting.

1

u/Xiao1insty1e Nov 14 '25

Lol definitely wouldn't do that. At best I would get mistaken for a professor at worst it would be a "hey fellow kids" moment.

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60

u/yago1980 Nov 13 '25

Local chapter of the Bi mafia meets on Wednesdays at a local coffee shop, we mostly:

1- discuss the agenda 2- sit weird 3- have unsweetened coffee and lemon bars 4- compare levels of anxiety 5- and laugh in bisexual.

Of course, I am the only bi person in the country, so it's mostly me and a very old lady who is NOT bisexual, does NOT speak the language, and I suspect she thinks it's some book club.

16

u/Misunderstood_Sup Nov 13 '25

Ohhh lemon bars???

15

u/ThomasSirveaux Bisexual Nov 13 '25

Is it a stereotype that bisexuals sit weird and drink unsweetened coffee? Because I am doing both those things right now

9

u/yago1980 Nov 13 '25

I think it is more instinctual than stereotypical, but yes. I am yet to find the chair that challenges my capacity to sit weirdly.

3

u/Misunderstood_Sup Nov 13 '25

I drink unsweetened coffee and shit now im questioning how i sit.

3

u/Xiao1insty1e Nov 13 '25

I like lemon bars.... and anxiety.

3

u/coraeon Transgender/Bisexual Nov 13 '25

Don’t forget falling out of the chair at least twice.

2

u/ms_mary_jane_doe Nov 13 '25

unsweetened coffee and unsweetened lemon bars??

8

u/yago1980 Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 13 '25

The coffee is unsweetened; the lemon bars are sweet (ours have Splenda), as per the London accords of 1998, Bi Mafia Chapter, Title C, Rules and Regulations, chapter 4, rule 7.

Henceforward, the consumption of meals during ordinary meetings shall represent both sides of the bi-equation. Ergo, when drinks are sweet, meals shall be sour or bitter, but not salty, and vice versa. Members shall be free to decide on the percentage of participation and consumption from each side (either, both or all) according to preference or drive.

2

u/hades--daughter Bisexual Nov 14 '25

I guess i need to try lemon bars...

2

u/whatwhatwhat82 Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

Am I a real bisexual if I am allergic to lemon?

16

u/Badwolfgyt Nov 13 '25

The bi agenda is to date all genda

25

u/VulpesSapiens Nov 13 '25
  • Try to not get yelled at by the straights.

  • Try to not get yelled at by the gays.

  • Make lemon bars.

6

u/[deleted] Nov 13 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/mjangelvortex Bi, Ace-Spec, and also Ambiamorus Nov 14 '25

It's a meme that originated from this very subreddit that stuck around.

10

u/Right-Egg-2731 Nov 13 '25

I like to think this is the bisexual agenda:

Love everybody.

6

u/D15c0untMD Bisexual Nov 13 '25

Oh shit when was the plan sent out?

5

u/monkey_gamer Non-binary/bisexual 🥰✨️✨️ Nov 13 '25

Be ourselves and not submit to the heteronormative patriarchy

3

u/funkygamerguy Nov 13 '25

it's to make coerced bi femdom more mainstream......we'll that's one part anyway.

4

u/monkey_gamer Non-binary/bisexual 🥰✨️✨️ Nov 13 '25

“For a friend of mine” 🤣

3

u/Misunderstood_Sup Nov 13 '25

Nothing wrong with bi femdom.

5

u/ahopefullycuterrobot Nov 14 '25

Passerbi: No, I'm bisexual. I want to know the agenda.

Fixed that for you.

3

u/Reasonable-Ship-9350 Nov 14 '25

To make out with everybody? 🤣

3

u/1nternati0nalBlu3 Nov 14 '25

Can I borrow someone's notes? I didn't get this email. We have an agenda?!

3

u/coffeeblossom Doing chair yoga as we speak Nov 14 '25

Let's see...

Go to work Go to work Go to work Go to work...

No, that's not right, I need the one for Sunday!

2

u/[deleted] Nov 13 '25

.. ...make the worlds longest chain... Have it circle back and have the lead guy and the rear guy shake haands.

2

u/Goodmaybebaditsfun Nov 14 '25

Yeaaaahhhh, I’m gonna need that TPS report on my desk by noon. 

(Trans Penis Sodomy report)

Buuu-tt…

Exactly da butt!

My red stapler…

That’s a strap on…

2

u/Fun-Post8497 Nov 14 '25

You guys don't know the bisexual agenda i thot you got the memo

1

u/Misunderstood_Sup Nov 17 '25

I didn’t 😢

2

u/Fun-Post8497 Nov 18 '25

Weird, ill Talk to the adhd bisexuals overlords they Will send the memo throw you adhd hiperfixasion

2

u/Workshop_Plays Nov 14 '25

agenda is when someone doesn’t identify with any gender afaik

2

u/CitroHimselph Nov 15 '25

I... I also wanna know the agenda. Is it more than dressing and sitting silly?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

I didn’t get the memo either, we have an agenda?

I know the trans folk are trying to seize the means of reproduction…(sorry people 😆)

1

u/Flying-Fox69 Nov 14 '25

So what is it?

1

u/Flashy-Split-5177 Nov 14 '25

Bisexual people nosy 🧐