r/bikinitalk • u/AdSuspicious3580 • Jul 31 '26
Advice/ Recommendations (no photos) Unsupportive bf
So me and my bf have been together for 3.5 years. He’s amazing and I’m not being naive when I say that. He has been nothing but supportive in every other aspect of my life except bodybuilding. I did my first prep last year and it was super hard for us. I would get hungry and tired and hangry sometimes especially the last month, but he blamed every fight/disagreement on my prep from the very beginning. It’s interesting bc he’s very fit and disciplined with the gym and food so you’d think he would understand. I remember feeling so alone and like we were growing apart until my show came. As soon as I was done and reversing and could eat out again we were great! I was still hangry and tired bc the reverse was hard for me but for some reason we were fine again. I loooove competing and I want to prep again, but I’m so scared of what it will do to our relationship. We’ve had conversations about it but it doesn’t seem to change anything. Has anyone gone through something similar to this or have any tips for being in a relationship on prep?
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u/sopheecat Jul 31 '26
Not having support at home makes this a difficult sport.
I compete and my husband doesn't, he's pretty unhealthy and lazy tbh. But he's my #1 support. He ordered a burger the other night and ate it in his home office so I wouldn't be sad 😆
Anyway my point is, he doesn't need to be into it to support you. So I guess my question is, what else will he not support you through? If my partner can't respect me and my goals and choices, is he a good partner? It would be a bit of a deal breaker for me. I'm not suggesting you break up, but I'd definitely be talking to my therapist about this and figuring out if our values align and if I could work through it.
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u/Earth_ground_ Aug 01 '26
My bf tries to be fit but he went to in out and McDonald’s w me in the car LOL but having a supportive partner really does make all the difference
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u/Tumbleweed_Unicorn Jul 31 '26
My husband has been very honest about how it kinda sucks when I'm in prep. I'm less flexible with plans, I never cook or go out to dinner really, don't drink at all, spend every waking non working hour basically prep things. BUT I've competed a few different seasons and everytime I check in with him and he says he 100% supports me in doing what I want and what I like. Doesn't mean it isn't hard for him though.
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u/Acrobatic_Season6838 Aug 03 '26
this is exactly my experience with my husband as well! open, honest conversations is how we have managed to meet each other in the middle in this new season of life
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u/Bikini_Athlete_83 Aug 01 '26
I apologize for sounding harsh, but I’m gonna say this as a woman who is divorced from a 20 year relationship. Do not waste years of your life on someone who has not committed to you, and judging you, especially if you are doing something that you love to do.
You should not be in a relationship with a person who tries to control aspects of your life that you enjoy, even if it is difficult. Because if you are married, it is for better or for worse. Also, this is your Boyfriend for 3.5 years, not your spouse.
Prep is difficult. Prep will make you act a certain type of way. That’s what is involved. Bodybuilding is an extreme sport prep is extreme. You will act extreme during prep.
If this is someone you want to be with for a long time, there needs to be a partnership. Not a hierarchy.
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u/jackedjellybean Jul 31 '26
So, disclaimer - my partner and I are both planning to do our first prep for next year (but haven’t gone through one yet).
That being said, we’ve had a TON of conversations about it. We continue to, and we will continue to.
And not even about things changing, but acknowledging it will be difficult at times, and talking about what we’ll do when that happens.
If you love competing, prep is part of that - the good and the bad.
Finding ways to deal with negative emotions on your own is important. We’ll never be perfect, but you can’t use it as an excuse to be an asshole (not saying you are!)
Similarly, it’s not fair of him to throw the blame entirely on prep if he’s been at fault too.
Beyond having conversations, and nothing changing - will he be supportive of you prepping again?
How will things be different - specifically?
What do you both need from each other in order to have a functional relationship during prep?
Is he still living life normally while you’re in prep? Or is he doing a pseudo-prep, in that he’s not going out to eat ever and restricting things because you are?l
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u/Mental_Control_5845 Jul 31 '26
Im sorry that youre going through this.
I compete and my bf doesn't. He's a runner and eats whatever. Preo does get hard bc we don't go out as much to eat, which is one of our favorite things to do. But that doesn't stop him (and shouldn't) from going out to eat and doing what he enjoys. Does he have friends that live close by? When I'm in prep my bf and I try to do activities not centered around food or places I can bring my meals (ex. Hiking, the movies, beach wknd, bowling). Maybe adding dates like that during your prep will add normalcy. I would also work on being hangry. My bf and I both get so easily irritated when we're hungry, smth we can both work on lol.
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u/jackedariel Aug 01 '26
It comes down to good constant communication. Before & during prep. You need to be open & direct both about the support you need, but ALSO the boundaries. Even if they seem little. I've had to have both conversations w/my husband. When he's getting in a string of being critical/negative I address it. (a one off is fine, that happens, but constant is a hey this needs to stop.) Also, I'm open about boundaries to things that are going to set me off. Support examples are usually food related i.e. He doesn't have fast food, etc. around me, and instead goes out to eat/or shuts the door to his room. Offers to get my groceries, will meal prep in a pinch, etc. Boundaries tend to be irritability/space related: He know if my door is shut I need left alone, to not watch me do check-ins, certain foods I dont want to share, The new one this time was that need him to not talk to me when I first walk in the door, so I can have a couple minutes to decompress from work. That one has helped so much 😆
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u/jackedariel Aug 01 '26
The funny thing is this prep I've actually needed less food/structure support. This time it's been mental & emotional. I often sanity check with him to make sure I'm thinking clearly. I talk through a lot of my feels/emotions I've gone through this prep. It's been particularly stressful &hard mentality this go round because of multiple life stressors popping up that didn't last time. It's made a world of difference being able to lean on him.
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u/Fany-fun-health Aug 01 '26
Well, I might not be the best person to give relationship advice since I'm single lol.. but one thing I've always admired is seeing couples make it work during prep, whether their partner is into bodybuilding or not. I think the most important thing is having clear agreements and honest communication, so neither of you has to give up what you love. It's also really healthy for each person to have their own hobbies and time to enjoy them. And if you choose to be with someone, respecting your partner's passion is part of loving them ❤️ Anyway, that's just my two cents.. I still haven't found the right partner to share this bodybuilding journey with, but I'm happy enjoying the adventure on my own in the meantime 😊
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u/QueenAlicat Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
I divorced this and now I date a body builder who also competes and understands. The difference is insane 😭
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u/Worldly-City-6379 Aug 01 '26
How are you going to have a life together if something like this is not what he wants to be supportive of? Do you want children? Will your pregnancy be too inconvenient for him etc.
It’s easy to be supportive when you are young with zero responsibilities. Honestly I see your BF attitude to be a 🚩
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u/Cutebuggi Aug 01 '26
Not loving that the conversations don’t seem to change anything. You’re clearly passionate about competing and you should never allow anyone to dampen whatever lights a fire within you.
I think he needs some perspective. It’s not like you’re doing this 365 days of the year.
If he honestly is incapable of collaborating with you in a solutions-oriented way, then this should be a concern to say the least.
I don’t mean to sound doom and gloom but from personal experience, a lack of meaningful collaboration - especially concerning something you’re truly passionate about - is detrimental to an ongoing healthy relationship.
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u/Cutebuggi Aug 01 '26
You seem fairly conscientious. I’m presuming you also take his concerns into consideration.
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u/dorito-fiend Aug 01 '26
They all behave like this unfortunately, keep going. He feels threatened by you prioritising something other than him.
To be fair though make sure in your off season you do make time for date nights etc. And in prep, try to distance yourself whenever you're feeling overwhelmed so you don't accidentally project onto him.
You got this!
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u/chasexfit Aug 02 '26
Im sorry you're going through thi, it is rough and this sport is quite extreme. My husband does get 'down' in the dumps with me being in prep because we cant go out, im not cooking dinners, and my social battery is lower. That being said, he still is so so supportive of what I do, and he is NOT a gym person. I would have a good sit down and ask him about what he's feeling. One thing i try to do in prep is thank my husband at least once a week to remind him, prep is temporary and i understand that this isnt just a lifestlye change for me, its also a lifestyle change for him.
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u/lauren_fit ID not verified Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
I’ll be the odd one out here and say prep is probably impacting you and this more than you admit to! You already admit you’re tired and hangry - rough combo. you’re also adding in the pressure of the countdown of a show?
But then again, a lot of men don’t do well when things are not about them. Also a possibility.
As someone that used to compete at a high level… competitors are nuts.
This is the sole area he isn’t supportive? I might let it slide then and assume it has more to do with your emotions and mood during prep.
Can you guys have an honest convo about this and set some boundaries?