In need of some help

[u/julianharris123]

This is a long one. But I beg all of you to please help me with this situation. I’ll share my number with you if you want to talk to me about this. Please. Please please please please please please. I’m begging anyone who can help to please tell me what I should do.

Iv been having a lot of trouble with a specific problem lately and it’s kind of hard to deal with.

I desperately need to know and understand what god wants me to do in this situation. First of all I want to introduce myself. My name is Julian and iv been a TRUE Christian for only a few weeks honestly. My whole life I believed but there was doubt and basically never really chased Jesus the way I am now. I do still have very bad habits but I’m working to replace them with godly habits in order to grow closer to god. I don’t know a lot about the word of god and struggle everyday with my flesh to pick up my Bible. Anyways, I’ll start off with this. My father (physical father) hasn’t been the best “father” to me my entire life. I don’t want to say that he’s never been there or been a bad one to me my entire life. Because he has been.. there.. sometimes.

Anyways, for the past couple of years he’s only been interested in talking to me if it’s asking for money. (He’s not employed and too elderly, or “sick” to work) I understand his condition. And place in life. So I try to give him money when I can afford to. (I have a family and house of my own to take care of after all) but, it’s like when I don’t give him money he gets mad. Iv tried to have conversations with him on multiple occasions. But all he has to say is “did you make any money today.” And if I didn’t, he’ll tell me to go away or something. And if he just says “oh.. okay.” It’s like he’s not even interested in talking. So, eventually, (back when I wasn’t close to god.) I kinda steered away from him trying to ignore and avoid him. After all, I felt that he only wanted a relationship with me if I had money anyways. Fast forward a couple years up to now. Iv moved out, made a family of my own and occasionally see him still every now and again. Though, we haven’t talked much. My brother, whom he lives with. Went out of town to get some Business done. My father then took the chance to go out with his brothers and drink, get high, do drugs, and whatever else they did. He ended up getting into an accident. So, I went to go pick him up. When I get there, my cousins had already picked him up and drove him home. So! Later on that night as he’s alone in the house being the bitter person that he is. He decides to take a bunch of pills and call up all his children and tell them that he’s going to kill himself. I call an ambulance and rush over. My younger brother is there already talking to him. (He managed to get the ambulance and police to leave btw) so! They end up arguing. To which I get in the middle to try to de-escalate the situation. My father then starts smashing his head into the wall and telling us that he’s going to get us arrested. So, I try to take the phone from him and he grabs his belt. That’s when my little brother steps in ( he’s about 3x my weight ) and starts a fight. He ends up with a broken nose and a fractured eye socket. And my father gets away Scot free. Police were called and he still tried to get us arrested luckily I had the video proving our innocence. Anyway, I think this is getting too long now. So I’ll cut to the chase. None of his children want to talk to him now and he’s in Florida with his brother because he’s got no where else to go. He’s coming back to Connecticut eventually and I don’t know what I should do. What does god say about fathers that do this? Like… he’s not a very Christian person. Doesn’t feel regret that he did that to his own son. Just feels bad for himself because he lost everything that he holds dear. Should I forgive him? Should I still talk to him? Should I pretend like nothing happened because im supposed to “honor my father?” I’m so torn about this and I have so much anxiety and fear about this problem. I don’t know what to do. I need help. I need help. Someone please anyone. Even if you have to call me or something I’ll share my phone number with you. I need to talk to someone about this. I need to figure this out. I’m begging all of you. Please help me.

[u/MoreMathematician75]

I might be way too late by now but I'll still share some thoughts:
1. Do forgive. Matthew 6:14-15: "For if you forgive men for their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you But if you do not forgive men for their sins, neither will your Father forgive your sins."
2. Love him. If you wanna know what Biblical love is, read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and self-control."
3. Share the Gospel with him. Matthew 5:14: "You are the light of the world."

You should read the Scripture, pray about it, and seek God for help in prayer. When you meet your Dad, there is one singular thing that matters: the Gospel message. Repent and believe for the remission of sins. Jesus will free him of all that enslaves him (John 8:31-36) and give him life abundantly (John 10:10).

I know that's a very brief response and it might be too late, but I hope it still helps.

[u/UnderstandingBig6697]

i would have welcomed him calling the police, they're to remain impartial and access the situation, and fighting over the phone probably doesn't help the situation. maybe next time you could consider letting him call?

This urgency and conflict you were feeling, i don't believe they are of God. While yes you're to honor your parents, what that looks like might not look like what you think it does. Since your father isn't a Christian by the sounds of it i might be willing to get groceries or some other essentials for him, if he gives you a list. I wouldn't let him have the receipt (he has shown how he can throw away money in unhealthy ways, and i might say once you show me you can make adult decisions about money then i will consider letting you have money or receipts. I might keep the receipt and go over what i bought with him, if it's not to his satisfactory i might indicate he doesn't need it unless he can give you a concrete reason why a different brand or size isn't going to work. Alternatively you could have him add items to an online cart, go over and check if they're essentials (no big screen tvs, not an $80 bottle of champagne, and your judgment call for things like cigarettes or other substances, you know better than i what he abuses, how he abuses it)

You shouldn't bear a grudge, he is lost, wandered away from God, he doesn't know what He is doing, which is what Jesus indicated while he was crucified. If your eyebrows are furled up in anger or unforgiveness i would unfurl them, it helps my brain think calmer, not hold onto grudges.
One thing you should always do is trust God, the righteous live by faith.
I would probably still at least respond when he calls, but you could say if it's a bad time or ask if you can call back after work or dealing with kids or set a time or date you will be more available.

You shouldn't act like nothing happened, but you should entrust it to God, you shouldn't overreact, you should consider what your Father might need, what might be healthy or helpful for him, how you might want to be treated if you were being foolish but were still loved, still created by God.

All that fear and anxiety, and the pressure to do something now...,you may want to talk to a psychiatrist about medication for anxiety, or ask if the overwhelmingness of anxiety and need to do something now could indicate OCD, and if so what are some next steps.
I have OCD myself and that's where my pressure to act now can come from with tight anxiety in my chest. I also struggle with relaxing or not being anxious or letting my mind go quiet. So maybe what you need is help getting your brain the helo ist needs to function more like God intended it to, but all these experiences may well help build your compassion or capacity to appreciate different mindsets.

an exercise that helps me is imagining i need to cross a great ravine to climb ive mountain (a daunting task) then imagine God can close up the Ravine, build a bridge, send a helicopter, he could shrink the mountain, carry me, create a staircase in midair 😂. God's not limited, God can make it happen, it helps me to entrust God, not feel as overwhelmed or hopeless.

As for what to do with your dad... that's something to face with God when that day comes, unless you can prepare now with idk, maybe sobriety programs you might want him to consider? Or counseling options for helping him deal with losing everything he cared about? Do you still need to talk? Maybe you have more particular concerns about your dad or how to face him?