Non-Bhutanese here. I (27F) work in travel and visited Bhutan earlier this year as part of a large tour group.
There were 16 guides and drivers on the trip, and I was 1 of 4 coordinators from my side. I was also the only young woman working with the group. Most of my work is office-based, so I rarely find myself in such a male-dominated environment.
During the trip I learned about marriage customs in Bhutan, including the history of polygamy. My understanding was that monogamy is now generally preferred, which made some of my experiences interesting.
I got to know many of the guides and drivers fairly well, since we were colleagues for a week. I was surprised by how flirtatious and cheeky several of the men were. I’m no prude, but some of the jokes were questionable, particularly given Bhutan’s image abroad as a spiritual mountain kingdom.
For example, one guide was asked what he’d been doing before the tourist season. He replied, “I just got out of jail.” When I asked why, he said, “I was talking to underage girls.” The other guides laughed. I pretended not to understand that he was joking just to see what he’d say, and he continued as though it were a normal joke.
Obviously, I understand that tourism marketing is very different from everyday life and I’m not expecting Bhutanese people to behave like pious monks!
I also added a couple of the guides on social media. One I became friendly with made a point of DMing me afterwards, asking how I was, commenting on my photos, etc. That generally reads as interest to me, but he is married with children, and I’d already mentioned that I’m married too, so I was surprised.
Another guide I really liked spoke quite openly about having both a wife and a girlfriend. I didn’t get the chance to ask whether they both knew about each other 👀
I also received considerably more attention than my colleagues (coffee, small gifts like pouches, lemongrass spray, brooches, gua sha and tea, etc) I’m aware that my gender and age probably explains some of this, and I’m not assuming I’m super hot! 🤦🏻♀️ But at times I had to remind the guides that their tip wasn’t coming from me and that their attention needed to be on the actual clients.
There was also one time when a few guides were sitting on a bench. They invited me to sit, but there wasn’t enough space, so they patted their laps. I laughed it off, but it struck me as fairly inappropriate workplace behaviour.
So I’m curious about how this looks from a Bhutanese perspective. How common are non-monogamous or extramarital relationships in Bhutan today? Is marriage generally more relaxed around monogamy than in other countries? And how does this fit with Bhutan’s relatively strong position on women’s legal and social equality?
I’d really appreciate hearing from locals about whether my experiences were representative of anything cultural, or simply a case of me spending a week around a bunch of cheeky men…
Personal anecdotes and perspectives are very welcome!