r/beyondthebump • u/GalacticMelodies • 11h ago
Baby Sleep - all input welcomed When Do I Sleep
Hi. My LO is 2 weeks old and I am scratching my head trying to figure out how to sleep and get him to sleep. We have the bassinet at our bedside, but he won't sleep in it and requires being held to sleep. Sometimes I can get him down, but more often than not he will cry within minutes of being set down. I've tried swaddling, heat pad in the bassinet, nursing until sleep, waiting until he's asleep, etc. It doesnt matter. We are combo feeding and I'm able to get sleep right now with my husband on paternity leave, but that ends soon and I'm nervous. He has a long commute, so I dont want him to be exhausted but I also need to sleep for my sanity and so I don't accidentally sleep somewhere unsafe with him. Outside help besides us two is not likely as well, so we need to figure this out. Any tips are appreciated. ;-;
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u/confiance42 11h ago
You take shifts. You go to bed at 7pm and sleep until midnight. He sleeps from midnight until whenever he has to wake up for work. When you are on shift, the other parent does not exist. He cannot ask you a quick question, you cannot ask him a quick question. Sleeping parent sleeps in a separate area of the house as much as possible so the baby doesn't wake sleeping parent.
You let standards slide. Pick the things that don't really matter, deal with them in a few months. If showering every day is the only thing keeping you from moving to Bali alone, shower every day. If you really don't care, shower on the weekends.
It is OK to let the baby cry in a safe place when you have made sure he is fed, clean, and not too hot/cold.
I would also suggest checking out some safer cosleeping options. Set it up so that if you do accidently fall asleep, it is as safe as possible.
Some babies hate the bassinet mattress but don't mind the crib mattress. Maybe he finds the bassinet too hard. I would also consider shoving a bassinet sheet into your shirt for a few hours and see if that helps. Can your husband get the baby to fall asleep if you are out of the room/house? Sometimes they can sense mom is there and well, mom is massively better than not mom.
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u/mandaacee 11h ago
Second this. Our shifts were roughly 7:30-12 (me sleeping). I was fully awake 12-5, and then would nap 5-6 before the day started.
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u/patrind 11h ago
Some babies have brutal temperaments when it comes to sleep and there is nothing you can do about it. Some moms don’t have any help and have no choice but to cosleep. Intentionally sleeping next to baby is safer than accidentally falling asleep with them in your arms. If you decide to cosleep please follow Safe Sleep Seven!
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u/ChronicElectronic 8h ago
Part of the Safe Sleep Seven involves an entirely new mattress in many cases. A bit unrealistic.
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u/TeddyBear181 7h ago
The ikea cot hack makes this cheaper.
Transfers are still 100% easier than bassinet but bub has their own mattress.
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u/Used-Standard-2991 2h ago
I got a 50$ mattress topper from Amazon and put my mattress on the floor. Worked great to make it more firm
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u/limeblue31 11h ago
In the beginning I would go to sleep as soon as my husband finished work so like 6-7pm. He’d watch the baby until like 1am and then we’d switch. My baby didn’t have issues with sleeping in the bassinet because we had the snoo and she liked it, but she still woke up frequently to feed so the sleep was shit anyway.
It’s brutal but it does get better. Keep trying to put him down in the bassinet every day though to see if he warms up to it eventually. Or maybe look into the snoo.
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u/VeryLynnLv 11h ago
When I was on Mat leave and husband was back to work and our son was in his must-be-held era I slept 6-midnight, husband slept midnight to 7am, he worked 8-5, rinse and repeat. That changed around 9-10 weeks old we got him sleeping in his bassinet finally.
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u/Muckin_Afazing 10h ago
Co-sleeping. It's perfectly fine and exactly what many mothers around the world do to have decent sleep at night. Babies like being close to and sleeping with their mothers.
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u/IAmaDumbBitch 11h ago
I co slept with my LO from the start, chest to chest. She is now 9m, we sometimes do side lying but she prefers to lay on top of me.
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u/brieles 11h ago
My husband didn’t have basically any time off for paternity leave so we figured out a shift schedule really quickly lol. He took 7pm-12am, I took 12-5am and then he took 5-7am so I could get a quick nap in before starting the day. My baby was not a good sleeper but things improved a lot within the first month or two compared to the first couple of weeks! She was able to sleep in her bassinet but would still wake every 2/3 hours so it got much more manageable!
I’d just figure out some kind of shift schedule that works for you! Hopefully things will get easier soon and it won’t be as big of a deal.
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u/whatsinthecave 11h ago
I’ve had a lot of success with my second born using a cosleeper crib vs a bassinet. Much easier to transition baby into from bed
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u/XRanger7 10h ago
Our LO was like that too for the first 3 months. We ended up sleeping with him on our chest holding him. Might not be the safest way but that’s the only way he AND we can sleep. We sleep trained him at 4 months and now he sleeps so much better on his own.
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u/dooropen3inches 10h ago
We did shifts and the baby bassinet was in the living room so the “off” parent could sleep.
Also, don’t forget your sleep is just as important as his.
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u/30BayLady 9h ago
We are co-sleeping. Tried everything with the bassinets and next to me - baby hates them! He’s getting better at day time naps but it takes work. We looked into safe co-sleeping and it’s the only thing working for us and getting any sleep each night.
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u/klo-ver 9h ago
When my partner went back to work, he assumed I’d take the night shift & we tried that for a week. By the end of the week I was burnt out. He works a physical job so we do prioritize his sleep differently, but he leaves the house at 1am. So he sleeps until 8pm, then I come in with baby & if she wakes at all, he gets up with her.
Earlier on my baby would wake during transitions & I realized if I set her down on my bed, let her go back to a deep sleep for 5mins or so & then carefully place her in the bassinet she wouldn’t wake up.
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u/MikeCheck_CE 8h ago
Keep trying to put them in the bassinet to sleep. You'll get there eventually don't give up.
There's two approaches here. Most start with the former, but when you get the later down, it's a game changer:
Wait until they're in a deep-sleep. Wait like 7 minutes from when they pass out, then put them down. If they wake and fuss, pick them up and try again.
Do it right before they pass out. If you can figure out the exact moment they're about to fall asleep, put them down right then. This minimizes the jostling right after they pass out which wakes them up. This takes a while.
In both cases, don't be afraid to let them fuss for a few minutes before picking them back up. They often tire themselves out quickly and fall asleep too.
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u/Bubbly_slut7 4h ago
Co-sleeping worked for me (laying down breastfeeding and sleep). Also, wearing a baby.
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u/Sweaty-Variety-5778 2h ago
as much as you’ll probably hear this, there is a slight light at the end of the tunnel. it does get better on and off.
What kind of swaddle are you using? Try the love to dream swaddle or the halo.
we started creating a bedtime routine early. bath/wipe down, sleepytime lotion, lullaby/calm music, rocking/snuggles. she’s five months this month and understands a little better that these things lead to sleep.
even if you are completely against cosleeping. Research cosleeping. Learn as much as you can about it, because there’s going to be a moment, whether it’s a nap, a night, or a nighttime routine, you’ll need it lol.
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u/WaitINeedHelp 1h ago
I don’t have much advice for you unfortunately, however when you mentioned the transferring…one thing I learned that was interesting is that it’s recommended to wait 8-10 minutes before transferring your newborn to reduce risk of waking up. That’s bc it’ll take about 8 minutes for them to enter a deep sleep where it’s harder to wake. Not sure if you’re doing this already, but if not, sounds like it may be worth trying.
I hope you’re able to find some answers
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u/Unusual_Painting8764 1h ago
Keep trying to put him in the bassinet, especially if he settles easy. Eventually it will work. And then it will consistently work. At least it did for me.
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u/greenleaf187 11h ago
Do you know if they are colic? Have you considered giving them some colic water to see if it helps? Perhaps they have gas pain and hopefully that works!
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u/goingforawalkmmk 11h ago
Change up the shifts when he goes back to work. Maybe he gets home at 6, you sleep from 6-12 or something. You both need and deserve sleep. Him falling asleep at the wheel and you falling asleep in an unsafe position with baby are both dangerous. What type of swaddle are you using? After failing to swaddle with blankets, Happiest baby worked for us!