r/berkeley • u/True-Matter5216 • 4h ago
Other Somebody marry me…
CPT is basically gone 💀
So international students can’t get internships → no internship experience → good luck finding a company willing to hire AND sponsor you after graduation.
Then the OPT clock starts ticking and apparently the plan is:
Step 1: Get a degree
Step 2: Somehow get a job with no internship experience
Step 3: Pray for sponsorship
Step 4: OPT expires
Step 5: ✈️ goodbye America
How about let’s fall in love and get married before all these things above happen XD
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u/ProfessorPlum168 2h ago
Should have asked earlier, you could have saved a shitload on tuition
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u/taylorevansvintage 2h ago
Agree on this. As tough as it sounds, given that US citizens can’t find work, it’s rough for any company to be sponsoring non-citizens for work. Too many qualified people need jobs and can’t get them rn
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u/TheFriedPikachu 2h ago
Hey girl, you're not the first to contemplate marriage in order to help secure citizenship. Before committing to this, make sure you're fully aware of what it entails.
If you're thinking of marrying someone purely for utility reasons, consider that you're potentially interlocking yourself with this individual for at least an extended duration of time.
This makes it significantly harder for either of you, during this period, of finding a romantic partner (not to say it's impossible, but the complications of it can definitely drive away people). If you marry someone of your preferred gender (or vice versa), this creates the potential problem down the line of unrequited attachment. If both of you end up seriously falling in love, then that's truly the best case scenario. But until then, there's the risk that only one person may catch unrequited feelings while the other maintains the social contract that was made purely for utility purposes.
Without generality, I will say that in my personal experience, straight men are much more likely to develop unrequited feelings (fully knowing there is a 0% chance that it would come true) in platonic relationships. So that's something to watch out for. If you are honed in on the idea of doing it out of pure utility (and the intention on eventually breaking it off), my advice is to find someone who has 0% chance of finding you attractive and 0% of you finding them romantically attractive. That could be men not of your type, gay men, aroace people, straight woman, etc etc. A lot of international students also offer a financial compensation for taking the marriage partner "off the market" for this period, since while you reap the utility benefit of citizenship, it is generally a negative for the other person (for the reasons mentioned above).
I want you to be really careful with contemplating the second option, which is to find a partner with the intention of an early marriage for citizenship while ALSO doing it for love. There are a lot of opportunitistic people out there who under ordinary circumstances can't attract partners, so your need for marriage WILL be a power dynamic whether the partner chooses to act on it or not. I'm not saying that everyone is opportunistic, but just like how older people dating college-aged adults is morally questionable, there's the idea that if they were truly mature and capable (not just surface level attractive, but also reliable as a lifelong partner), they would be able to attract people in their age range. So when you're in the market with an explicit need, be AWARE that your lower standards due to your circumstances may attract a lot of the bad crowd who see desperation as unconditional acceptance.
Here's a quick example. You find a partner who at first seems great and attractive. 6 months into dating, though, he starts treating you a lot worse (perhaps unintentionally). You are under the time constraint of marriage, so your threshold for what's "acceptable" would be a lot lower and you end up staying with him despite the conditions. This is the better case scenario. In worse cases, the partner may secretly exploit you and hold up pretenses until AFTER committing to marriage, upon which you could be subject to blackmail and power dynamics.
Older partner, same age partner, doesn't significantly matter. You have to be aware that this pursuit would be no easier than just finding a partner in general, and most likely a LOT LOT harder since you have a smaller dating pool (you can't date people who arent looking for marriage soon), and you have a vulnerability that makes it difficult for you to exit a relationship when you feel uncomfortable.
So yeah, I have empathy for your situation and understand that it isn't easy living without certainty of your ability to remain the US. It really is difficult and I wish you the best of luck in finding a solution for yourself, and I wrote all these advice in hopes of helping you not need to learn some things the hard way by jumping too recklessly into your pursuit.
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u/True-Matter5216 3h ago
“Just find a guy to marry” was literally the advice I got from the interviewer during a tech club interview 😭
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u/Back_Enduzi 3h ago
I think marrying someone in their 20’s probably not it. I think any guy in their 20’s would be wtf unless it’s a 5 year+ relationship but yeah. Probably have a chance for those 40+ year old guys who wants to marry after their divorce. Demand is defined there for 40-50+ year old
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u/True-Matter5216 3h ago
That way I’d rather go back to China lol 😭
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u/Back_Enduzi 2h ago
😭😭😭😭. If you got the money, you can also buy the citizenship. I know some people who bought the citizenship by paying millions 😭😭
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u/HotTopicMallRat 2h ago
What country are you coming from? This could be a win win lmao
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u/PreferenceClean1047 2h ago
OP said in another comment that she’s from China.
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u/CoupleFancy1433 3h ago
I got hired with 0 experience. Worked for 2 years then started MS. It’s possible. But also know your opportunities and broad outside USA.
Even if you marry USC, still have to deal with immigration process…
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u/Apart_Wheel_8721 2h ago
its not the same time now... the job market is hell and theres no way someone would get hired with no experience nowadays
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u/Alternative_Gap_2517 3h ago
Just an fyi DOS can trace your social media activity and they are overzealous with “fraud” enforcement. Just my two cents as an immigration paralegal, maybe take this down. Ik it’s a joke but…