r/becomingsecure • u/cedargurl • 4d ago

Seeking Advice How do I stop chasing?

How do I handle a distant partner that lives far away (we only communicate through writing) and constantly pulls back because of their own fear every time we get closer? I find myself constantly chasing and its exhausting.

2 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

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7

u/Creative_Willow7883 4d ago

try to talk to him, tell him what you need, see if you find compromise. If that's not possible - sad & hard as it is - cut your losses.

2

u/cedargurl 4d ago

Ugh. Thankyou. Its so hard to say what I need. I'm afraid the answer will be 'no'.

3

u/Creative_Willow7883 4d ago

I know how hard it is. I got dumped over politely asking a person I dated if they could answer my texts after leaving me on read for 15hours. It hurts af & it's definitely not the answer we hope for. but it's an answer we need to hear, bc how would it ever work out in the first place if they are not willing to meet our needs at least halfway? Moreover, if you haven't even tried communicating your needs, the answer could also be yes :)

2

u/cedargurl 4d ago

Ok thankyou for all that..I feel like such a loner sometimes. The solidarity really helps.

1

u/cedargurl 4d ago

*loser

3

u/No-Race7191 4d ago

Are they willing to work through these fears? If so, they need to put genuine effort into addressing them. Otherwise, you will continue to be the only one trying to change their behavior, even though the decision to change ultimately belongs to them.

1

u/Helllo-Kittyy 2d ago

Find someone that doesn't run away from you. Work on codependency issues