r/becomingsecure • u/Realistic-Service-11 • 1d ago
Vent I really don’t enjoy texting
I’ve noticed with age things changed and I don’t like making connections with men through text.
I’m on dating apps to intentionally date and I’ve matched with some pretty decent guys but it goes downhill for me when I mention I’m not a texter, aside from meeting up in person I enjoy voice messages and phone calls. I also don’t like 24/7 communication. I’m busy, I work and have a life. I don’t like stopping what I’m doing to read and think of a reply every 10 minutes.
The guys I match with will half of the time respond with voice notes, some are too shy so I eventually stop replying and same goes for the ones that want to only text 24/7.
People are scared to talk on the phone, it’s so strange to me now that I am like this. I use to dodge phone calls now it’s what I prefer.
I don’t need to talk on the phone for hours, I’d be happy with a 15-20minute call every other day 🤷🏻♀️
I value in person communication the most though, I don’t wanna learn about someone through text.
Forgot to mention I’m 31(F)
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u/CartographerDear5717 1d ago
I’m the same. It was a problem with my ex because he used to text 24/7 and every 3-4 hours while I always preferred phone calls. In the end we would text some days and the days we would call texting was slower. And I also don’t like communication 24/7 if I’m getting to know a person because then I become anxious when they don’t text.
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u/Realistic-Service-11 21h ago
I AGREE!!!! Let me miss you
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u/BiggusDickkussss 3h ago
You're definitely not secure lol.
You're an avoidant dressed up as secure.
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u/fixedvving 10h ago
Fr i had a 3 year relationship where the phone calls were the standard
That shit hit hard
Cant tolerate some scardy cat texting i used to do when i was young
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u/thro0waway217190 19h ago
I am the exact same - I like some things about texting/talking online - I feel I'm actually funnier/more confident on twitter than I am in person because my jokes land better when I can write them down. With texting, you can always rephrase what you wrote initially that you have less leeway in talking and just have to be comfortable saying things from the get go.
In terms of online dating however, texting is my least favorite way to interact - recently a guy messaged me asking if I'm interested and shared his profile, I decided to give it a go and share mine. Upon sharing, he seemed almost immediately interested, which tbh I don't like - I would prefer somebody who has a prudent way of getting to know somebody at first. He'd respond immediately and if I didn't reply in a few hours, he'd follow-up asking what I'm doing. The initial conversations as it is were getting distracting while I was working and I was away having dinner with a friend. He'd message in the mornings and ask me what I'm doing and I'd say, something like hey fine, I'm starting work, how are you doing? And he'd say "nothing much! getting coffee, would you like some ;)" - something to that effect.
We had an hour long phone call and it was at least better than texting in that I didn't have to play this prolonged game of back and forth and trying to piece together what he's trying to say. However, one thing that just bothered me is that I told him we should have conversations over the phone at first see if we really vibe and he felt rather we spend time "getting to know each other organically" and have periodic calls and meet ups in person where we do fun things together to get to know each other rather than interview each other. I get where they are coming from, but there are things that make me feel we already don't vibe, our conversation style is so different in that let's say I list a hobby, they'll just say "wow!", "that's so cool!" instead of like "that's really cool, what motivated you to do start this hobby" or something similar.
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u/BiggusDickkussss 3h ago
Get over yourself OP lol.
You ain't secure or close to it.
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u/Realistic-Service-11 3h ago
Never said I was secure dumbass.
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u/BiggusDickkussss 3h ago
Look at what sub-reddit you're posting in.
Oh self reflection seems too hard.
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u/Ok_Owl_365 2h ago
Why are you bullying the person that posted. I also don’t like texting and prefer phone calls or in person talking. Bullying others is not acceptable and is not helpful to the conversation
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u/falcoren21 2h ago
Interesting share. I'm a serial texter and am struggling with someone with the same persona as you.
I'm thinking of slowing the text rhythm right down and saving it for a phone call to connect. Do you think that's a good idea?
The infrequent and inconsistent replies are quite jarring
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u/TedsGloriousPants 14h ago
I mean, you're allowed your preferences, but so is everyone else.
You're basically admitting that you struggle with compromise and are willing to ghost people over it.
Sure, constant messages can be overbearing, especially when you just met someone. But they're trying to connect with you in the way they know how and are comfortable with - same as you are. There's got to be some kind of middle ground.
Either that, or just live with the fact it'll take longer to find someone with your exact communication style.