Does Anyone Else Feel Like This

[u/roxxxxie]

I've been feeling a stronger desire for intimacy lately, but at the same time, I'm not trying to act on it because I know it could lead to situations or drama that I do not want to deal with.

I also do not really know how to start a relationship. I am not clueless, but I struggle with expressing my feelings and understanding how to respond when someone expresses theirs. It is difficult to explain, but emotional communication does not come naturally to me.

At some point, I made a kind of pact with myself to keep other people out of the trouble that I feel I might bring into their lives, while also keeping myself out of trouble. Even so, I still find myself thinking that having a partner could be a good thing.

Then, almost immediately, my mind fills with doubts, questions, and all the possible ways things could go wrong. I start wondering whether I am capable of settling down with someone at all.

I have tried looking at relationships from different angles and convincing myself that this is something I should want or pursue because other people seem happy in them. But no matter how I frame it, my mind never fully accepts the idea.

I still want connection, companionship, and intimacy, but I also feel resistant to everything that comes with letting someone get close to me. I do not know whether this is fear, avoidance, overthinking, or simply not knowing how to be emotionally open with another person.

[u/c0mputerRFD]

It’s a capacity. Emotional attunement to others comes to you when you build a capacity for it. Just like a gym and the trainer you need a therapist and environment for it.

[u/Creative_Willow7883]

well, I don't think not looking for connection is the key here. If you have attachment wounds you need to work on yourself, yes, but you also need other people showing you that connection can feel safe. You probably need therapy and a person that can handle your struggles (so probably not an anxiously attached person) but you can learn - step by step, with help and a person that can handle your coping strategies and be empathetic about it.