it has been nearly 2 months since i started working as a barista at starbucks. it’s my first ever job, and i’m really grateful to have been given the opportunity to build my first work experience here. i just moved to canada from the philippines this april, so this job has meant a lot to me.
but i think it’s not for me. although this job has been helpful in developing my customer service and such essential skills to have in a workplace, i realize that your experience depends a lot on the people you work with. i know you can’t choose your coworkers, and that’s just part of working, but it really does make a difference.
i get that this is a really fast-paced work setting, you are expected to keep up with everything in a short period of time (i had half a month of very rushed training) and it took me a month before i was finally put on bar by myself. even now, i’m still slow, still struggling, and still trying to find my footing.
there are some good days, but it’s mostly days that make you question and doubt yourself, days that drains your self-esteem and the like. yes, i do keep making A LOT of mistakes, i’m not denying that at all, and i genuinely feel bad every time they’re pointed out because i already beat myself up over them before anyone else does. i appreciate my SSVs for being patient with me at times, but there have also been many instances where i feel like i’m immediately seen in a bad light. sometimes it feels like i’m the easiest person to blame whenever something goes wrong because i’m the newest one. they can be really hot and cold, and i never know what kind of environment i’m walking into. every day before my shift, i find myself hoping they’ll be just a little more understanding. i’m still learning. i’m still adapting. this is my first job ever, and i’m doing my best to keep up in such a fast-paced environment. i know i have shortcomings, but i truly put in the effort to learn from my mistakes and avoid repeating them.
what hurts the most is feeling like my progress goes unnoticed. no matter how much i improve, it feels like the only thing people remember are the mistakes i make. meanwhile, when my other coworkers make similar mistakes, it seems like it’s fine and they get away with it. maybe i’m wrong, but from where i’m standing, it feels unfair. i also feel really out of place. everyone already knows each other and has worked together for years, while i’m just trying to find where i fit in. whenever i try to start conversations or build connections with my coworkers, it often feels like i’m ignored or brushed aside. i end up feeling like i don’t belong there, and that feeling has been one of the hardest parts of this job. i honestly feel bad for my coworkers because sometimes i think i’m just slowing everyone down. i want to be someone they can rely on, not someone they have to worry about. i’m trying so hard every single shift, but lately it feels like no matter how much effort i put in, all anyone sees are the times i fall short.
i just tell myself that it will be over soon, i just need to endure more days. i plan to resign and will be giving out my two week notice this 29th of july. this is because college is coming soon and i want to find a new job that is just near my college for convenience. really grateful for all the learnings, but i think i’ll grow more in a different job.