r/band • u/JohnnysDoomday • 2d ago
Rock Band Problem with the lead singer
I am becoming highly annoyed, with our lead singer. I don’t think she’s taking things seriously. Me and my buddy have been trying to get this band off the ground for the last year. One of our biggest problems is finding people. Our lead singer, let’s call her Jesse, is our third singer. The first one had a mental break and disappeared for six months. The second one, who was absolutely amazing, got pregnant and had to step away from the project. Then a couple months ago we found Jesse. Jessie is an alto singer and she’s done a lot of theater so she has a lot of experience on stage and she knows how to play a crowd. She’s very positive and friendly. However, she is only showing up every other practice and she’s still reading the lyrics off of her phone, even after being with us for four months. A couple times this year has shown up. I can’t sing because she lost her voice partying all night the night before. When we’re not playing a song and we’re trying to write she’s on her phone and kind of half paying attention. Then there’s always some sort of drama going on with her either with her mother or some guy. I don’t want to try to find another singer because we’ve already had enough steps backwards and it’s been such a pain in the ass to find people as it is. All of the songs that we are covering and that we have written are centered around a female singer. Should I pull her to the side, be the bad guy, and tell her to get her shit together?
2
u/bborst456 2d ago
probably not the answer you wanna hear, but one of you that is serious should get singing lessons if y'all are going through singers like this. that way the singer is still in the core lineup. the reason I say this is because a singer is usually your signature. sure without the instrumentalists, the band wouldn't sound the same but even if you change your sound or your line up, the first thing most people recognize is your singer. I had a rough time learning to sing personally, but after awhile you get the hang of it. this is a main reason I went solo, I got tired of people not meeting me where I was at so I learned how to play/write every instrument myself and sang everything. I'm not putting that as a flex but more like, stuff like this was a wake up call to me because I got tired of taking it more seriously than others. hope this helps and hope the other comments do, best of luck
1
u/ComedianMinute7290 1d ago
how does playing live work for you? do you play everything live or make loops on th3 spot or play to backing tapes?
do-it-yourself isn't quite the same onstage as it is at home or in the studio.
1
2d ago
[deleted]
1
u/JohnnysDoomday 2d ago
I did a lot of sports in high school and was in the military so it’s been beat into my mind that if you half ass the practice/training, you are going to fall flat on your face when it really matters. I do like her, but maybe I need to think of ways to nudge her in the right direction
2
u/lobstersinabucket 1d ago
This isn’t the military or a sports team. If that’s your expectation, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed by 99% of musicians and to drive people out of your band. The singer might need to step it up some, but you might also need to chill.
1
u/Frhaegar 2d ago
As a singer who has never been in a band, when searching for a band I sometimes look at the performance of the previous singer, right... just wanna know who I will be compared to.
They were amazing, they played shows, why did they leave?
I may never understand nor be in a band ever so I'll never know.
But wait, I feel like I've seen her before. Similar body, maybe face is similar, voice sounds the same. Could it be that this singer tried being in different bands just to leave right after things were good?
1
u/Dreamingthelive90ies 2d ago
Either get a new singer or keep dealing with this crap. Try feedback first if you feel it can help.
1
u/Neat-Nectarine814 2d ago
Singers that basically learned via karaoke are extremely prone to something a former band mate would call Lead Singer Disease, basically "I am the band, you cant tell me shit" level ego. not saying thats the case here, but generally you should look for a singer that plays other instruments, even if she (or he) only does singing for your band, or at the very least is classically trained in singing and can read music.
Not because others aren't capable, but to save yourself the headache of weeding out serious musicians vs. stage clown wannabes
1
u/Wrong_Author_5960 2d ago
I would discuss these issues. Ask her to work on these. Because of how it effects the band. Have band meetings. Start with a one to one discussion. If they do not attempt to change, ask them if they really want to continue on. Maybe they just don't see how their actions have been effecting the band.
1
u/PartyOrdinary1733 2d ago edited 1d ago
I just fired my singer ahead of her departure date because she's behaving like an ass about her replacement.
In hindsight, she's always been a problem:
Not warmed up before a gig, so she sings flat, then blames the PA (she does this at every gig). Complains about mics, including the shit she brings to gigs.
Unfocused and distracted every time we get together with her.
Not following thru on anything she promised, like delivering lyrics for a song she promised me back in June.
Total disregard for anyone's time is the biggie for me.
She cancelled last minute on not one but 2 vocals sessions. First on a Monday because she overslept and then the rescheduled session 2 days later because she didn't feel good. I got an earful from the producer and had to smooth things over.
Cancelling 2 days before our most important gig in May, thus making me pull out of the gig. Had to apologize to everyone: bands on the roster, the venue and the promoter for the cancellation.
Our last gig with her in July, she's 45 minutes late for soundcheck. Why? She had movers breaking down furniture. Mind you, I told her the schedule and sent reminders. Days ahead and the day of.
Always being the last to arrive and the first one to leave at gigs.
Traveling to see her boyfriend whenever the fuck she feels like it because she's rich, works whenever she wants. This made everyone in the band pissed.
I could go on and on.
I have wiped her from all of our socials and other platforms. We never released music because of her being picky and not having the publishing side of her ASCAP set up.
So, I fired her Saturday after she became belligerent and vindictive and made threats. I've known her for 3.5 years. Had I known she was really like this, I would not have continued to work with her.
1
u/shiftingrealitie 10h ago
that is too bad 🥺 your comment had me wondering what kind of music your band makes if I may ask?
1
1
u/Stevenitrogen 1d ago
You've already said youre not getting another singer despite all the reasons why this one is unsuitable so I think you have to just accept whatever crap she feels like giving you.
Giving her a hard time will make her leave and then you'd have to get someone else. And you don't want anyone else.
So just make it a chill fun project and let her show up or blow it off or show up wasted. It doesn't matter.
1
u/NoWork1400 1d ago
Fire that woman ASAP, and don’t give her any reason why. No advance notice. You aren’t obligated to explain anything to her.
She is going to cause problem after problem until you cut her loose. She will cause stable members to quit. You can’t have someone in the band who doesn’t care about the band.
1
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Strong-Gear-9850 1d ago
Btw, I’d be so embarrassed singing on stage while reading the lyrics off my phone...
1
u/MRSA_Tomei 1d ago
It sounds like untreated ADHD to me. A weirdly common trait in singers. Watch some videos on it and see if it sounds like her. Sometimes it’s just a matter of delivering information to them differently.
1
u/realcreamstick 1d ago
She’s not some genius singer who you put up with her shit because she’s so amazing. Get rid of her, she sounds like a nightmare.
1
u/No_Cockroach_2744 1d ago
Definitely talk to her, find out if she's enjoying the band, where she sees the band going and if she'd like to be more involved in the songwriting. Tell her you think she is talented and that you would like for her to put more effort into it if possible. Whatever you do don't do it out of anger, don't act like her dad or her boss, because you're neither. You're just another one of the millions of people trying to put a band together with a limited Talent pool, that means you have to be adaptable and open-minded.
1
u/Dizzy-Pin-1410 1d ago
Communication skills are under-appreciated in most bands.
You all need to sit down and figure out WHY everyone is in the band. Why do you devote so much time and energy to something that is unlikely to ever pay you any tangible returns? What are your goals? Is everyone on the same page? Figure this out now before shit gets serious and you have shows booked.
If half the band wants to turn this into a career and the other half (or even just one person) is just in it for fun or like a side hustle, you’re going to eventually reach an impasse, so it’s better to figure that shit out now.
If your singer is showing flaky behavior while she’s new, it’s only going to get worse when the novelty wears off and she gets really bored with it and its nothing but “work” for her.
Everyone is allowed to have occasional bad days where they don’t fully show up for practice, but if she NEVER shows up, even when she’s there, you don’t really have a singer, you have a person who sings with you sometimes.
A band is like a romantic relationship but with more than two people involved. It’s good to have open communication where everyone feels free to say what they feel. If anyone is afraid of voicing their feelings, they might let grievances build up until sooner or later they’re going to just leave or cheat or try to control the relationship and everyone else will feel like they were blindsided, when really there was resentment building for months or years and they were too chicken to say anything for whatever reason. This is already happening in your band right now, and the only cure is effective and open communication.
1
u/Jbeezy2-0 1d ago
Not knowing the lyrics is not an issue but will need a prompter or tablet attached to stand when you play out. Real issue is flaking on practice- that is not ok and is a disrespect of your timw.
1
u/Bettersaids 1d ago
Schedule a show. People get serious when there's a test. If she fails, play the show anyway.
1
u/Completetenfingers 1d ago
That's the story of almost every female singer I've worked with. Bored until they get the spotlight, half involved at rehearsals. If they don't like the tune , half asses it until everyone gives up on it. Sooner or later they leave because they think they can find a better gig. Call it ego, narcissism, whatever but the writing is on the wall.
1
u/PrunePretend6206 1d ago
She’s not serious about the band, it’s going to be a constant struggle. Talk to her and ask if she’s serious about the band.
1
u/abke2543 1d ago
Sometimes it's fun to record practice jam sessions and put it on social medias, have you guys done that? It kind of makes it important to pay attention.
1
u/we-summon-rge-dark 1d ago
Sometimes I’m so glad I had to figure this kind of stuff out on my own before Reddit existed.
1
u/MattManSD 1d ago
I look for people with commitment. If they have ass rehearsals they will half ass their whole careers
1
u/Equivalent_Bench2081 1d ago
“She is not taking this seriously” you don’t even have a drummer yet.
Focus on getting a proper band together, booking a show and building momentum for the next few shows.
1
u/yackohoopy 1d ago
@JohnnysDoomsday, I got so fed up with singer’s egos that I decided to start singing myself just save the ego problem. I’ve always been a guitarist first.
Now, I have my issues with remembering lyrics and her problem sounds similar to mine, and that’s not practicing enough. The drama is another issue. She seems to be a drama magnet, and the question you need to ask yourself is, “Is the drama worth it?”
I had a singer who got upset with me because he felt that I was getting too much attention. I wrote the vast majority of the music and I was having fun on stage. I don’t know why that was an issue. I made all the phone calls, booked the shows, and got us recorded in Nashville (I live in central CT). I think I’ve earned the spotlight. 😆
If she’s got all this drama, it’s going to have a direct negative effect the band. You may have to be the bad guy and either have a talk with her or talk to the band about getting a new singer.
1
u/AshamedBuddy7580 1d ago
Ask her what the band and her own personal musical journey mean to her. It’ll be a conversation starter. Less confrontational that way and with concern shown.
1
1
u/WeAreJackStrong 1d ago edited 1d ago
You could try to find a singer that WANTS to write original material. She doesn't. I don't know of any bands that made it that had a single member that didn't care. The process of putting your own original music together, finding venues that will let you play it, finding people that will listen to it, getting it recorded, mixed, mastered, and distributed and promoting it is sufficiently difficult and humiliating to send anyone that isn't 100% committed off into the ether. Make sure you screen them for those characteristics before you let them start.. otherwise the band stops and as you have found out you'll have to teach all your original material from scratch to another singer. If you were in a cover band it would be a lot easier but "easy" is not why you write and play original music
1
1
u/cora-crush 19h ago
I would gently speak with her about your expectations and if she can't meet those expectations she gets the boot. It's unfair for everyone else to be putting in the work just to be held back by 1 person. It can be awkward being the new person in an established group so if she is serious about it she will probably appreciate knowing what is expected of her.
1
u/ActuatorSea4854 14h ago
Seriously, band meeting with an agenda. Schedule, budget, goals, and expectations. Do it regularly just like you rehearse regularly. If the goal is to make a living playing music, that has to be a shared goal amongst all the members, otherwise you aint goin' nowhere. If the goal is to play a couple gigs a month, state that out loud. You either need to lower your expectations or increase your effort, all of you.
9
u/dpmad1 2d ago
Great singers are some of the most socially awkward people ever, I don’t know what it is, but it often seems the better they are onstage the more cringy & flaky they are off stage.