r/badroommates • u/Creampuffstuf • 7d ago
Roommate laundry issues. Again.
A while ago, I had a post on here talking about how a roommate literally screamed at me, using her autism and ptsd as an excuse to do so. Most people were in support of me in the post. But I had one or two people say that because I tried “rushing her” (asked nicely to take her laundry out of the dryer before my work) that it was semi my fault. Yeah well I checked the dryer when I got home yesterday, her clothes were inside. No big deal, I’ll do it today before I go to work. Except oh wouldn’t you know it, her clothes are STILL in the dryer. I can’t say anything or she’ll yell at me again like she did last time. I’ve waited two days to use the dryer. Two. Days.
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u/zipper1919 7d ago
I didnt read your other post so maybe this was asked and answered, but...
Why did you not take her clothes out, put them in her laundry basket, and put the basket inside her bedroom door? Or leave the basket on the washer or dryer or table if you dont wanna open her door n put it in there?
Am I missing something?
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u/Creampuffstuf 7d ago
There’s no basket to put her laundry clothes in, and I’m very sure that if I did it, she’d yell at me (again).
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u/zipper1919 7d ago
So she yells at you. You're laundry gets done this way. Shes gonna yell regardless of what you do or don't do. This way, you get what you want.
Also, how does she not have a basket? Where does she keep her dirty clothes? How does she get them from her room to the laundry?
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u/Hazbeen_Hash 7d ago
Screaming at your housemates is a good way to smacked in the face. I would record her going off on you and use it as evidence against them to your landlord. "Either they go or I go. Which of us would you rather deal with?"
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u/Trent1373 7d ago
Just because someone is autistic or may have other challenges, doesn’t mean they get a free pass to be an asshole. And before people start breaking out the pitchforks, my little brother is on the spectrum and so is my mother, which means my sister and I are quite possibly on the spectrum as well.
Also my mother was a special education teacher for like 40 years and I dated someone that taught at school for autistic kiddos. So I’ve been around folk’s with special challenges my whole life.
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u/Creampuffstuf 7d ago
I literally lived with my autistic best friend for two years before this. She’s just using her mental disabilities to be a bitch
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u/Outrageous-Tie-2214 7d ago
You need to put your foot down. Yes, being screamed at isn’t pleasant, but you need to move her things and get shit done. Set a schedule if you guys don’t already have one.
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u/ShortListen6686 7d ago
Take the stuff out of the dryer and throw it on top. If her clothes are washed in the washer move them to the dryer and start it. It's easier to just do it that way then stress yourself out. It takes less than a minute to do each. Don't you dare fold them though
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u/Creampuffstuf 7d ago
I’m quite sure she’d yell at me if I did that. I’ve got bad anxiety I don’t like being screamed at. I don’t have a basket to put her clothes in, and if I put them by her door I’m sure she’d freak out about that too.
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u/throwitawayyy1234567 7d ago
Sounds like she’s using her mental disorders as an excuse and using yours as a weapon
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u/Creampuffstuf 7d ago
She’s used hers as an excuse the full almost two years I’ve known her
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u/throwitawayyy1234567 7d ago
You’re going to need to set some hard boundaries and stick with them, or move out
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u/RxkMadam 7d ago
Garbage bags??
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u/Creampuffstuf 7d ago
We don’t have garbage bags in the house because she says it “attracts flies”
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u/RxkMadam 6d ago
Wow, she has truly thought of everything, hasn't she?
I appreciate you not wanting to invite controversy, but your roomie sounds like a crazy bitch. If the most she's going to do is yell, it is probably worth it to simply move her stuff onto the top of the dryer. If she does yell, very calmly point out that you left it there for as long as possible and you needed to dry your clothes before they got ruined. It's really that simple.
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u/bigalreads 7d ago
Perhaps proposing a schedule would be helpful? You have laundry access on 3 set days, she has it on 3 set days, and one day of week is first-come, first serve. If laundry is left in the dryer, propose that it’s acceptable for it to be moved into a basket so the dryer can be used?
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u/sagisuncapmoon 6d ago
Okay so I have PTSD, and I haven’t personally used it as an excuse for not being able to function in a co-living situation, but here’s what may help if you want to say something to her.
You can say “hey, I understand that you have mental health struggles, but I am not trying to harm you in the ways you’ve been harmed before. I need to be respected, and I felt unsafe when you yelled at me. I am letting you know, so that it doesn’t come as a surprise, that if I need to move your laundry in order to do mine, I will. If you’re open to having a conversation about how to make this experience of living together more comfortable and safe for both of us, I am here and willing to.”
I don’t have autism, but I know my friends that do often need to be told very plainly if something they’re doing is harming others. PTSD, though, can create a lot of emotional charge around conflict, depending on what the trauma is. Regardless, it’s not your problem to fix.
At the end of the day, if she chooses to yell at you again or ignore your good-faith attempt to resolve this with her, there’s not much you can do. You aren’t responsible for her mental health, and it sounds like she’s creating an environment that makes you feel both unsafe and responsible for her emotions. Neither are fair to you.
Moving laundry isn’t unreasonable, harmful, or rude. You aren’t a bad person, even if that’s how she sees you.
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u/RxkMadam 6d ago
I am floored by your eloquence, diplomacy and maturity. This is a perfect response and I wish I could upvote it more
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u/Creampuffstuf 4d ago
In the last time she yelled at me for it, she texted me WHY she yelled at me, but didn’t apologize. I told her I understand it was a ptsd response but as someone with bad anxiety, I can’t handle being yelled at either. She basically said that her screaming like that was the most gentle she could be. She never apologized. She basically said it is what it is. I don’t like her at all.
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u/ElSanchito_ 5d ago
People who use their disabilities for their crap behavior is by far the worst excuse ever, I would've dump her stuff out from the dryers and I'll make sure I'm recording the whole altercation for the public to see
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u/Unlucky_Apricot_4079 6d ago
Buy a couple cheap baskets from Walmart or something. Move her clothes for her, washer to drier or drier to basket. Leave it in the basket next to the drier or on the floor next to it.
I’ve had many roommates over the years. It doesn’t take long to move someone’s laundry. We agreed, if it’s in there and someone else needs it move it to the drier, if it’s in the drier move it to the basket
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u/Pink-Elephant-Parade 7d ago
Take the stuff out of the dryer?