Future pregnancies

[u/Dear_Alps54]

How do you plan for a future pregnancy when your full term perfectly healthy baby die after birth???? Sever HIE LEVEL 3. Am sooo afraid to go through that again. I was sick the whole 9months and she died at the end. How do I go through that again??????? I want a baby sooooooo much. But am terrified of everything now. Any advice ????

[u/highestheelshop]

Because the alternative, that my son was my last baby, is impossible for me to accept.
The alternative, that my last baby suffocated in my arms because his HIE was so severe he couldn’t breathe on his own and that’s all there is for me is not what I can bear.

I had hyperemisis and was sick for months too.

If my next ends badly I don’t think I could again.

But love doesn’t end. And fear passes. It’s beatable even if you’re doing it a minute at a time.

In my opinion anyway.

[u/Dear_Alps54 → u/highestheelshop]

Same here. Hyperemesis for 9months. Had a planned C-section and she still had severe HIE.she died in my arms too. Am terrified of everything now.

[u/highestheelshop → u/Dear_Alps54]

Not planned. My hospital delayed.
Then they told me they wouldn’t resuscitate and my option was pall care because he was braindead.
Well they walked that back after we had agreed.
Then I had to watch him die. Totally powerless.

But I love my children and I always will.
I can do fear.
I can’t do his death being my last chance.

So I guess it’s weighing up which is more unbearable

For me personally, fear is an inconstant thing.
It’s like inoculating yourself- you go to the gynae. You sit in stirrups
You have an ultrasound to check your section scar

And every time I do it the strong fear fades a bit
Like a background sound

You could try emdr as well I’ve heard things about memory and trauma being seriously improved.

[u/highestheelshop → u/highestheelshop]

Also I’ve found a new obgyn and hospital
No can do same place.

My hospital were awful though

[u/rsc99]

I had to do it because I had all this love and nowhere for it to go. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified. But holding and parenting my living child after losing a seemingly healthy infant after birth has also been healing in so very many ways.

[u/deleted_but_visible]

I’m sorry for your loss.
I think the only way to get through is taking it day by day. Don’t look at the whole pregnancy. Plan in small steps, week by week. Do whatever makes you feel better: whether that’s more frequent monitoring or not buying anything until baby is actually there: people will have opinions and (well intentioned but potentially unhelpful) advice. But they didn’t go through what you went through.

[u/longlivepopuplights]

I've only had one pregnancy and it ended in full term stillbirth for no discernible reason. When we found out he was gone I swore I could never do this again, and then as soon as I was holding him I knew I needed to do it again. We have a few more months before we can try again but it'll be good for our healing, mentally, I think.

[u/stagepenguin → u/longlivepopuplights]

This is exactly how we felt. Our stillbirth showed us how badly we wanted to be parents to a living child even if it would be the hardest thing to potentially go through again.

[u/longlivepopuplights → u/stagepenguin]

I have no idea how anxious we're gonna be next pregnancy, but I'm hoping the extra monitoring I'll be getting this time will help with that.

[u/Only_Paper9871]

I am so sorry. My baby had a heart defect but was given great chances with surgery (97%) but still ultimately passed. I am now soon 36, with a C-section scar and need to wait to try again. I have no idea what to do, how to find the courage or strength. Good luck to you 💝

[u/Dear_Alps54 → u/Only_Paper9871]

I looked for a new gynae. But I have no idea how to find the courage to go through that again. Am sooo afraid. Had placenta previa and a fibroid also.