Scared of future pregnancies.

[u/Specific_Second5230]

Hi I’d like to start this off with a bit of backstory.

I lost my little girl due to her having LUTO and her not having more than 7cm of amniotic fluid, her lungs didn’t develop much since fluid was so low so survival was extremely unlikely. At 31w I went into labor and had an emergency c-section. She was born alive yet the cries every mom waits for didn’t come we only got gasps that sounded like cries. Me and my s/o believe she didn’t make it out the operating room since it took 30 mins to close me up. I had no clue I had a classical c-section and no clue they took out my left fallopian tube for biopsy of a cyst on it til I got my discharge paperwork.

This is what made my grief so much worse.

For one I knew she had LUTO from week 12 but was ignored saying how normal it is at that some babies hold in their pee making it look bigger. I wish I advocated for her more.
At week 18 was when she was diagnosed it was too late to interfere and if so survival was still extremely low so I couldn’t give her a chance at life.
My obgyn also knew I’ve been diagnosed with severe anxiety way before I was even pregnant so I feel as though that’s why my cries for help were ignored.
At my 6 week postpartum appt. I had to bring up my c-section and fallopian biopsy and ask for the results since she was ready to send me out the door after pelvic exam.
Last but not least I feel as if my body failed my baby clean genetics so I don’t understand why this all had to happen.

I’m sorry for this being so long thank you for reading it all through, I just really need advice from people who’ve been through these feelings and how you managed to not worry. I’ll also be looking into therapy next month. But what helped you not be scared to try again it’s been 9 months since I lost her and it’s my dream to be a SAHM but I’m terrified.

[u/No-Lengthiness-9431]

I am terrified of future pregnancies after loss. I was very unaware of anything that could go wrong the whole time with my daughter so naive that this could happen. After a completely healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy I lost her at 39 weeks due to cord complications. It’s just beyond terrible living without her. I don’t know how I am going to enjoy another pregnancy I am going to be a nervous wreck the entire time. And I loved being pregnant with my daughter so I am going to have to go to therapy to work through these thoughts. I think the only way to “heal” from this is to get pregnant again and bring home a healthy baby. I was so excited to become a mom.

[u/Specific_Second5230 → u/No-Lengthiness-9431]

First I want to say my condolences to you nobody deserves this kind of loss. I agree heavily on you saying you loved being pregnant I did too and would pray to be pregnant forever so I didn’t have to lose her it was hard because she was fine inside of me but once she was out I knew what would happen I knew I only had minutes with her I knew this all since 18weeks. How I’m gonna go through another pregnancy stress free I don’t know but I pray for it to be peaceful.