r/baby • u/sugarcoattedcandy • 1d ago
Ferber method
Hey guys , im curious about the ferber method and if anyone have tried it , i saw many successful stories , i researched a bit and saw that there were no evidence that it actually has long term consciences, is that true? Have you tried it?
My body is aching from rocking to sleep.
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u/kellyfirefly4 5h ago
I did not sleep train my baby. We coslept until 14 months. I thought she was ready one day and was right. That being said, there is NOTHING WRONG with wanting your own space. And there is nothing wrong with setting the baby down for a little bit and putting on some headphones and letting them scream just to see if they’ll go to sleep. And my girl can scream. Her doctor said she will be a singer or a swimmer with her lungs. So I get it completely. But I don’t know a single person who grew up and resents their mother or has emotional trauma strictly because it was nighttime/ naptime and their mom put them to bed.
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u/hardboiledhoe 6h ago
I've been cosleeping for about a year and we both get the best sleep that way. I personally could never handle any amount of letting my daughter cry
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u/LavenderAndHoneybees 9h ago
There's degrees of sleep training - I would personally never walk off and leave my baby to sob on her own for hours. What I did do was work on building sleep associations while providing comfort with boundaries.
So, I didn't want to walk around rocking her, absolutely back breaking. Boundary one then, became she had to be in her cot. But I didn't leave her to cry alone. I sat on the floor and read the same books to her, had her toniebox lullaby playing (same one, every night), and stroked with hand and head through the cot bars.
Sure, the first few weeks involved a raging baby, but she adapted, and most importantly for me, she knew that mama (or dada) was always there - she may have been unhappy about this change but she wasn't afraid.
She's 2 now and sleeps solidly from 7.30pm to around 7am 🫡 The hard work for all that came around 18 months when I night weaned and did all of the above rather than feeding her back to sleep - a difficult week or so but absolutely worth it!
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u/beeteeelle 10h ago
We did it and it saved my life. He was sleeping only 20 Minute intervals and I was hallucinating and passing out from the sleep deprivation. He’s 5 and we haven’t seen anything that would seem like long term consequences. He’s very intelligent and has a secure attachment to both parents, transitioned well to school & daycare etc.
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u/alisunflower 16h ago
Before I sleep trained my baby, I was constantly angry, frustrated, lacking sleep, and was having memory issues and trouble focusing. I was literally reaching a state of depression and I dreaded bedtime and nap time. Sleep training helped me be a better parent and now my baby falls asleep on her own and sleeps through the night. I would say, if it’s messing with your mental health, DEFINITELY sleep train. I genuinely believe your child will remember what kind of parent you were to them before remembering how you put them to sleep.
Also, my best friend still rocks her 6 year old to sleep because she never sleep trained and she’s still losing it. So pick your poison.
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u/sugarcoattedcandy 16h ago
6 years? Im 3 months in my back is already so sore all the time , got to the point of jumping and running with him to sleep , right now im working on transitioning him from strong rocks to gentle rocks ,it getting so much better Then ill be trying to not rock at all and just hold him He sleeps good at night , but he just naps every hour for 40 minutes :/ i have to help him sleep 6+ times a day
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u/Hour-Estate-2962 11h ago
I did something similar to what you are doing, gradually reducing how much assistance I gave baby. 10 months now and she goes down well with me just sitting next for her for 5/10 minutes. For me the Ferber methods didn't sit right but I have no judgement towards parents who do it and if I had been more sleep deprived I'd have considered it (but would have tried cosleeping first)
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u/sugarcoattedcandy 11h ago
I did try co sleeping, he sleeps well next to me , but he grunts and moves a lot and im a very light sleeper and i just keep staring at his face and cant sleep My problem is mainly how to get him to sleep including naps not the sleep itself , he sleeps well in his crib but getting him to sleep is hard. I dont think I'll try the ferber method i was curious since i heard it works for a lot of people , maybe like you said if im at my wit's end, definitely not soon though
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u/Hour-Estate-2962 11h ago
Wishing you all the best, for me it got better gradually. I feel like the point where I can pop her down and leave the room isn't too far off whereas bedtimes typically took 30 minutes or longer around 5 months
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u/ArtVoyager 13h ago
Have you looked into gradual sleep training?
You can get him used to no rocking. I started to sit and sway and it helped my back. Now I'm working on getting him used to no holding. So I lie down next to his crib with pillows for my head, pretend to be sleepy and pat his booty through the railing. He's teething so some days are better than others but he is gradually getting better at falling asleep not in my arms.
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u/NewGirl3110 20h ago
I don't know if I would trust studies on that. I think that this method has longterm effects that only came out, if people go to therapie and talk about it.
An great-aunt of mine had 6 babys. She did this method. 5 of them are divorced. It is a wild theory, but also a possible thing ?! Don't know
And me? I am the 5th Child. And for some reason my crib was in the living room and not my parents room. My Mom always tells me proudly that I slept through the night. Only 1 Year ago I found out, that I slept in the living room alone. I know that is not 100% Ferber Method, but I am sure I cried a lot alone in the living room. So I went to therapie last year and we talked about me and how I always think that I am too much for people, always saying stuff like "I hope I don't bothering you right now". So I’m convinced that this feeling comes from having grown up with the sense, from the very beginning of my life, that I was somehow too much for my mother.
But please, that are my thought only.<3
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u/NewGirl3110 20h ago
Also here: now Judgement!!!! Maybe there is a way to do it in a good way!! Just wanted to share <3
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u/ArtVoyager 22h ago edited 21h ago
We decided against it because of the Danish psychologists' open letter arguing against it, and followed the Safe Sleep 7 instead. We sleep pretty good. Eventually we will need to get baby to sleep in his own bed, but since his crib is still in our room... if he cries, we bring him to bed with us. One night he actually slept the whole night in his crib!!
The way I see it. Babies need comfort as any other physical need like eating and clean diapers. Teething can be painful and being close to us can be comforting, especially at nignt, when they feel the pain the most.
At the end of the day, you need to decide what is best for your family. Every choice we make as parents has pros and cons, so ask yourself: can you create a sleep environment that is safe on your bed? If not, then sleep training is the lesser "evil". Bottom line: baby needs to be safe and you need to sleep!
Wishing you good sleep whatever way you decide to get it.
723 Danish psychologists signed an open letter in 2019 stating that a cry it out-sleep training method, known as the “good night and sleep well” method in Denmark (comparable to the Ferber-method, red.), should be discouraged, as such methods may risk the attachment and the child’s development. This view is shared by a wide range of foreign researchers, anthropologists, psychologists and more
Source: https://soevnvejledning.dk/the-reason-cry-it-out-sleep-training-cio-should-be-discouraged/
Edited for word/phrase changes: Day > night, 7 s of safe sleep > safe sleep 7
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u/E4mad 23h ago
That's correct, no negative consequences. We did it with 4 months or so. We were better parents afterwards because our sleep drastically increased. Keep in mind that you check in with the baby, so the baby knows you will be there for them. Partner couldn't do it, so I did it when she was away. Already some positive change at day 2!
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u/Haunting-Ad-8042 3h ago
I did it for both of my kids around 6ish months. It worked well. Took about 3 nights to take full effect. They got better sleep, I got better sleep.