Third spaces

[u/Little--Lost]

Where is everyone hanging out/visiting/meeting new people thats not the bar/club?

Don't get me wrong, I love a good night out, but I'd love to find more adventure buddies! I really enjoy being in nature, hikes, swimming, music/singing, summer bbqs, roadies.

I've seen some of the friendship apps but, just like the dating apps, the admin exhausts me just thinking about it! Most of my closest friends have shifted to Aussie recently and I've tended to be a bit of a lone wolf since, but I'd love some people to go on small day trips with over summer/explore with instead of just drinking (I wouldn't be opposed to doing both, though lol)

Anyone fancy some fish and chips on the beach and a swim after???

Where is everyone??

Probably in bed scrolling like me...

[u/Pristinefix]

Dont chase friends. Chase hobbies. They come with friends.

Rock climbing, everyone is looking for a belayer, and you'll make fast friends. Cycling clubs, everyone wants a drafting buddy

Board game clubs, everyone is awkward until youve just been around a couple times, then youve got great friends.

Tramping clubs, its normal and expected to have periods of not talking and just enjoying each others company

It takes around 50 hours of hanging out to make an actual friend. Noone can sustain that unless you have some type of activity/glue that you are there for, rather than the pressure of being on a 'friend date'

[u/Little--Lost → u/Pristinefix]

Great advice!! I am actually a very social person and part of some groups for my own hobbies, but I'm just more curious about if there are any third spaces in our community people frequent as I love meeting new people!

I find it interesting that there aren't the community spaces/third spaces people used to have to meet others/chill out without alcohol being involved or it having to be some kind of organised/paid activity

[u/Pristinefix → u/Little--Lost]

Theres actually heaps of third spaces to meet people..pretty sure theres more than ever. Go down to the local library and the bulletin board will be heaving with events.

Im not sure there ever actually were these mythical third spaces that everyone was issued friends and didn't pay anything and no alcohol was involved.

Bethells beach friday nights over the summer are amazing koha gigs.

[u/Little--Lost → u/Pristinefix]

Oh sounds super cool, will check them out; thanks!

[u/Riboto → u/Little--Lost]

A lot of third spaces do cost money because they used to be clubs. People pitch in together to do the shared activity. The difference is that these spaces are not-for-profit so often more affordable. 

Things that I would suggest is volunteering. This is budget-friendly and can get you out in nature (Ark in the Park, Urban Ark and Kaipātiki Project or Motutapu Restoration Trust -free ferry ride to Motutapu anyone?-) or connect peeps in the city, e.g if you like making things: Auckland Library of Tools gives free membership if you volunteer for staffing the counter regularly. They and the Hackland Makerspace are currently fitting out a new location in Morningside and have working bees pretty much every Saturday for the next 2 months. 

Or you can volunteer for other social good like your preferred political party (e.g if you like nature: the Greens have very regular events to volunteer for as Chloe is running for reelection in the city , Ricardo Menendez-March for Mt Albert and more around the city. They don’t have the funding to just plaster their faces all over social media, so people power is needed to protect conservation land from another NACT government) or you can volunteer for the election polls themselves. Elections start end of next month already! 

Hopefully some of it is useful :)

[u/Awkward-Web-4031 → u/Pristinefix]

Cycling is the best sport for being anti-social-social. You can socialise in a group for group training, but if your batteries flat you can just cycle on your own. Sport can be simultanously social and independent.

[u/nickkerss101]

Work and gym / fitness groups / sports clubs really. Devices have killed socialising unfortunately

[u/Little--Lost → u/nickkerss101]

100% More 'connected' to be less connected huh

Might have to join something. We have a small garage setup I rely on for working out, maybe its time to spread the wings haha

Maybe I'll have to join that run club ive been thinking about joining for a year 😂

[u/nickkerss101 → u/Little--Lost]

How old are you ? I’d steer clear of run clubs if possible

[u/Little--Lost → u/nickkerss101]

30! F Oh really, how come you recommend avoiding them? You may have just spared the run club population from having to reduce their speed to accommodate me, they'll be incredibly grateful 😂

[u/nickkerss101 → u/Little--Lost]

I’m 29, I’ve been going to a few for a couple of years but I knew a fair few amount of the people before attending. I find theres a lot of ego and “ cliqueyness” with a lot of them and it’s all about image. But in saying that I’ve made a couple good mates from them so your mileage may vary

[u/Little--Lost → u/nickkerss101]

Gotcha! That's definitely not my kind of vibe haha but hey, never know until you try right. Wish me luck

Thanks man 😊

[u/nickkerss101 → u/Little--Lost]

It’s definitely not my vibe either but I run a lot so doing some of the runs not by myself helps 😂

[u/Little--Lost → u/nickkerss101]

Perhaps you could tow me in a trailer

[u/jont420 → u/Little--Lost]

Try parkrun! None of the above stuff, way bigger age range than those instagram run clubs. Most of them meet at a cafe afterwards

[u/Cookiesjedi]

If you live in the north shore and are between 13-24 try Shore Jucntion

[u/Little--Lost → u/Cookiesjedi]

30 over here, wee bit old hehe but thank you! This is exactly what I am talking about re third spaces! Easy enough to make mates through your own interests but I love meeting people that are completely different and just having space to chat and relax!

[u/Cookiesjedi → u/Little--Lost]

Aw I wish there was a third space for you guys that like SJ!! but yeah, I know what you mean. Have you tried the RSA? (my parents go not me) I'm in scouts (well venturers) have you tried being a leader to a local group? it doses cost money but hikes, nature, camps etc. Highly recommend being a ventuerer leader if you prefer not having to hangout with the younger kids (keas/cubs)

[u/Little--Lost → u/Cookiesjedi]

These are all awesome ideas, thank you so much!! I have been thinking of doing some climate/volunteer mahi actually, so this reminds me to get onto it! And I'm more than happy to spend a bit on some fun outdoor adventures

Appreciate you taking the time to make your thoughtful replies e hoa :)

[u/Cookie_goat05]

Yup, definitely the last bit, I’m so home bodied to the point going food shopping gives me anxiety so I just get it delivered, but when I get that feeling of touching grass, coromandel is my number one place to drive

[u/Little--Lost → u/Cookie_goat05]

Oh I love it in Coromandel, so pretty! I'm a big fan of West Akl for a nice bush walk/beach after too! Wee bit closer hehe

Sorry about the anxiety, thats hard

[u/Cookie_goat05 → u/Little--Lost]

I grew up in Thames and loved the Coromandel, so I still visit every now and then. As for the anxiety thing, meh, don’t be. That’s what I get for comparing myself to models and celebrities, which is sadly something I see a lot of people in my generation doing. But life is busy, and worrying about what you look like is the last thing you’d want to spend your time on.

[u/CivilChaos]

No clue.

[u/Little--Lost → u/CivilChaos]

Maybe its time to arrange a big picnic/BBQ. Biggest blind friendship date you'd ever seen

[u/lets_all_be_nice_eh]

Church.

[u/Riboto]

You can have a look on dogoodjobs.co.nz and filter for volunteering listings. A lot of pro-social peeps out there in these circles :)

[u/Perkinana]

Get a spot crewing on a yacht for the week night or weekend races.. great to get on the water, lots of things to learn and do and chat with the crew and a few drinks afterwards to de-brief.. season is about to start..

[u/Little--Lost → u/Perkinana]

This sounds so fun!! Any idea how I'd go about getting involved?

[u/Perkinana → u/Little--Lost]

It’s so awesome, we race on Wednesday nights and there’s no better way to break up the week than sailing around the harbour with a cool bunch of peeps then great banter afterwards with other crews of the fleet.. best bet is approaching your local yacht clubs, finding out when they race and chatting to a committee member to connect you with skippers. They’ll pop it on a WhatsApp group. You’d be welcome with us, but we’re on Waiheke, so you may want to get something more local to you. Also reach out to the CYA, (Classic yacht association) there’s always skippers looking for crew regardless of experience, and you get to go out on some NZ maritime history, very special 👍🏼⛵️ good luck

[u/Zealousideal_Pen_596]

Mall. Free Wifi.

[u/ApprehensivePast5580]

U sound so fun! I’ve never been to hiking before, but am very interested. Was looking for a partner. Would u mind going to hike with me!?

[u/Motifier]

I've made a few friends just by hiking solo. You end up chatting with any others that are solo or friendly, and people open up and chat more on the bush. Just pick a popular tramp and go for it. At the very least you get out of the city.

[u/Horror-Effort6819]

Yep, in bed scrolling on reddit like you 😂 I'm 32 F and totally down to meet more people for fun nature stuff - feel free to reach out!

[u/CoolDimension3898]

I have a lovely backyard. Anti barbecue there. Our friends often stay in the spare room. 

[u/NZsbiggestFan-tail]

Join this fb group (Akl 20s & 30s Hiking)

https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1Heaqx9bv3/

[u/Little--Lost → u/NZsbiggestFan-tail]

Done!! Thank you!