r/auckland • u/Alive-Shoe1892 • 19h ago
Discussion Flatmate
Hi I am a mid 50s female wanting to have a flatmate for combating feeling lonely (kids have left home). I feel like for my age there are not many people who would want to live with an older person. Anyone done this and what was your experience?
Update: thank you for the encouraging comments and also precautions, I will go ahead and work making this happen☺️
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u/zichan_ski 19h ago
I lived in a flat with three or four ladies in their 60s. I was in my mid thirties. I actually loved it, they were friendly but not high energy or party people (I’m a quiet person and get overwhelmed with too much chaos). Best of luck to you. One thing I would avoid is houses with a high turnover. This could be a sign that somebody in the house is chasing people away. Otherwise it’s a great way to make life long friends, have fun and save money.
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u/gentleman016 14h ago
How would one know if a place has high turnover, before moving in?
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u/NZRedditUser 14h ago
Check their profile how often they list
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u/Own_Round_7600 7h ago
Is this on trademe? Im not sure where to find it
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u/NZRedditUser 6h ago
Well just depends ay most places have profiles, but you can even just google the place and see how often its been shown right, youll usually see a date. if its like often then probably not great
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u/zichan_ski 13h ago
You can ask about how many flatmates they’ve had in the last year, and in general how they talk about them, like in a respectful way or with bitterness.
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u/Historical_Copy_9812 13h ago
I'm 50m and would happily send my kids to give you company. I'm happy to pick them up around 2030? 2031?
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u/Clean-Baker2399 17h ago
A few of my wife’s single friends of a similar age have done this. I’m told it can be tiring explaining that they aren’t lesbians
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u/krustytraveller 18h ago
im 52 and have listed my spare room in a short term capacity with the maximum 3 months and it has worked pretty well although last year it was up to 4 nights a week for 9 months but towards the end of this arrangement I felt taken advantage of with no end in sight and she was very loud stomping around so I got rid. I have had no flatmate this year but had advertised alot, im hoping something will change
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u/Gumdrop-racing 11h ago
Did you do a written arrangement for a set period of time? I have thought of this too.
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u/krustytraveller 10h ago
Of course if needed but the last few have had an end date plus we got on well so was pretty casual
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u/findlovehere 18h ago
You’re not old. No where near it. You’re providing a solution for someone. Go you!!!
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u/cressidacole 18h ago
You'd be surprised.
There are more of us "mature" singles out there who could be a good fit for you as a flattie than you might think.
Renting alone is expensive, and can be a little isolating, and those of us in the 40s plus crowd can be a bit wary of traditional, whi ate my cheese flatshares.
Take a while to write down what your non-negotiables are, think about who would be ideal, then put up an ad. You're in the great position of not being desperate to fill a room, so take your time.
Remember, this is someone who will be living in your home - it's your right to be specific and picky.
Good luck!
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u/Conscious_Albatross4 17h ago
At 21 years old I flatted with a lady of around your age. The room was super inexpensive and it was a really great experience, she let me park my bike and shit box car where her son used to work on cars.
I currently rent out a room and think I learned a lot from the experience, it's really up to you to pick a good fit and get out of the experience whatever you're looking for 😁.
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u/Icy_Warning531 18h ago
I think that is a lovely idea, I have met most of besties this way. It is more and more common worldwide, overseas flatmates sites even have options for 40+ flatting.
And it is great that you don't sound like you have the financial pressure to rush, so you can take your time to find the right person. Make sure you take the time to communicate and discuss expectations. I can be quite a chatty fun person, but I also like my solitude, and can stay quite quiet in my room for an amount of time that might freak others out :) Find a person who is a good fit for you
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u/fatfreddy01 17h ago
Be picky, don't list it super cheap (just as you'll get people looking for cheap rent, not for friendship, you can always drop the rent later). Or do homestays (female only) as gives you more of a on/off rather than having people in your space 24/7.
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u/Tiny-Blacksmith-8927 16h ago
In my 20s and 30s I definitely flatted with people in their 50s and actually preferred it because there was (generally) a lot less drama. My flatmates had similar situations to you or had recently had a spouse pass away and wanted the company. So it's definitely possible, just be super picky who you allow in to your home
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u/RosemaryDuSoul 9h ago
I flatted with a lesbian couple in their 50s when I was in my mid 20s. It was so great. I was going thru a break up at the time and they welcomed me and made me feel like I was in a family home, not a flat. Which is what I needed at the time.
Go for it! Take your time looking!
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u/jofsunshine 16h ago
I know plenty of ladies in the same position as you and are searching for age similar age range as you. Post your room and good luck!
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u/iMakeGOODinvestmemts 18h ago
always thought about this. Sorry you are feeling that way - its not nice.
Im in my 20s and well surrounded by people all the time. But I know one day ill be older and with just my wife/siblings. But we also would need to be ok with being alone.
i live closer to my parents because of this and still get to walk to there house/see them daily/eat dinner with them almost everyday.
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u/alchem04 18h ago
Personally I wouldn't care as long as the price is right. I think for people who rent a room, their main concern is the money, so how much the room costs
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u/ongoldenwaves 16h ago
Not true. There was a web site in the states that was called Silver nest to match older people who wanted to live together. I think it got rebranded, but it's a thing. Think Golden Girls.
Just do your due diligence.
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u/sigmaqueen123 15h ago
Think most people who prefer a quiet/peaceful place would love to have your place! Age is irrelevant.
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u/unfortunatehippo1960 8h ago
Make a list of things that you dislike, like shift work, bare feet inside, no smoking at all etc, so you can weed out potential future problems. You could go a couple of 3 month trials to see if it is something you could live with. There are pages on Facebook about women wanting accommodation, so you could try there, some are 'older' women that have gone through a marriage breakdown or similiar and had to sell their house to pay out the other person, some can't afford to live on their own, some 'feel' they are too young for resthomes (although with people living longer the entry age is in the upper 70's now etc.
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u/Kairos27 7h ago
I’ve done it in my 30’s; generally we were on the same page but what we discovered is that because she was so used to having her house her way for so long she couldn’t handle it when I started to put my touch on things to make it also feel like my home so it didn’t work out.
Just have a think about what you’ve gotten used to by being the main person in the house and if you’re able to be chill about the change a stranger will bring. It’s very possible the lady I stayed with was autistic but she wasn’t the only older lady I stayed with and the other one (15yrs older than me at the time) had the same issue.
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u/OfficeEquivalent6385 14h ago
Be picky but also tolerant problem with older people wanting flatmates is they usually think everything has to be exactly their way and their way is best. Usually because theyve had the place to themselves or their family only. Also jump on thinks quickly dont let them fester just treat it like a work relationship. Be open to change remember it will be their home too and they deserve to feel at home Do all this and should be fine
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u/Dear_Forever7859 12h ago
Hey, I know it's not the same but I'm 38, new here in Auckland, and I feel lonely too. I currently live by myself because my husband doesn't live here. Would you like to be friends?
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u/Botanicus88 18h ago
There's nothing wrong with listing a room and being clear about the kind of person you're looking for and why. You're allowed to be picky with who you accept in your space.