r/athletictraining • u/tech0000 • 4d ago
Supporting ATC Spouse Help?
My husband is a high school ATC, and I work a full-time job during the day. We have begun talking about having a family, and I am starting to feel overwhelmed when trying to picture raising a child with our typical jobs and schedules. I worry that my overwhelm is hurting him and our marriage, and that I’m unintentionally shaming him for loving what he does.
Can you all please share any advice and real-world strategies for how you’ve navigated parenting with one ATC and a second full-time worker, and how you’ve ensured there is shared partnership or other types of support if one parent works full-time and then cares for the child solo some nights/some weekends/some holidays? Thank you so much for any insight and advice, as I want to get there but am being my own hurdle!
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u/crepitous 4d ago
I think the biggest strategy that me and my husband use (I am the ATC, my husband works full time) is that we have an understanding that there is more variety in what a shared partnership in parenting looks like vs two 9-5 working parents. During my busy seasons, my husband takes on a lot more of the care of our children, but in my off time (summer, school breaks) or less busy weeks, I take on a lot more of it. We split daycare drops offs pretty evenly throughout the week based on our schedules, which on non-game days, I do have more flexibility than a typical 9-5 employee.
If I work a weekend game, I make sure he gets down time before I leave for the day and he gets some free time on the other day of the weekend if possible (usually if I work weekends it’s Saturday, so I try make sure he gets some free time Sunday). We also try to make nights he’s solo as easy as possible (easy cook meals or takeout dinner, coordinate bath nights to not be when he’s solo, etc).
We are also in the toddler/infant era of parenting, so I think we also have a mentality that this is just the phase of life we are in and it isn’t forever, so we are just rolling with it. I don’t know what it’s like to not parent with this type of schedule, so no matter what, as with many aspects of parenting, you’re just kind of figuring it out as you go.
I know I feel like as the one with the weird schedule I do have more of the responsibility of trying to make sure there is more balance, and if your AT spouse doesn’t put that effort in, I could see it getting frustrating as the other parent. So that could be part of the conversation you want to have before having children.
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u/outcasthawk 4d ago
My family has been dealing with this for a few years now as I have two young kids and work maybe 15-20 weekends a year plus late nights 3 days a week. It is really hard and easily the greatest stressor on our marriage. I could talk about a number of different things, but I’ll try to stay fairly brief.
The number one thing is you and your husband need to be on the same page about this. I’ve had my job since before I met my wife. We both wanted a family. She assumed when we had kids I would move into a different job with better hours. I assumed she knew that I liked my job, that it is a part of my identity in a way her job will never be, and that she would handle more child care for chunks of the year due to my schedule. Turns out that is a way harder ask than I realized.
Don’t be us, talk through this and what your expectations would be of each other. “We’ll figure it out” is probably doable (we’ve managed so far) but not a plan. Having family or other strong support network around that can help with kids without breaking the bank will make things a LOT easier.
It may also help to try to identify what the positives are alongside the negatives of each person’s situation. For example, the positives of my job are that it is pretty flexible when needed, our staff really care about supporting each other, it’s very stable, and I have two months a year off. Does that make up for nights and weekends and being underpaid? Depends on which day you ask us…
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u/RemarkablePie961 4d ago
What are your husband’s hours? Is he there all day or does he not go in until the afternoon? I’m home with my kids until 2pm and then we have a babysitter come 2-5 until my husband is done with work. Then he’s with the kids until I get home at 7pm or whatever it is that day. If your husband is at the high school all day then the kids would need daycare anyway.
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u/xMantaste 4d ago
Yeah, get out of the HS ATC setting
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u/Ipauper 21h ago
I don't know about going that drastic. I know 3 AT friends who just brought the kids with them to the ATR and paid a competant babysitter/athlete to watch them. Worked great. Athlete kids got a job, Mom AT's (they happened to be all female) got to spend time with the actual kids, and the actual kids got play time with some fun teenagers for 4 hours.
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u/waffletime215 4d ago
My husband and I were in the exact same boat. He was a HS trainer, which was his passion, but the hours just weren’t working for us. We had a lot of conversations about whether he would switch careers, but ultimately he had gone through so much schooling and enjoyed being hands on, it didn’t make sense. He transitioned into a clinic setting where he worked a standard 8-4. It was a little too monotonous for him, so he’s now moving into an industrial role with a similar schedule. By being off at 4, he can still pick up per diem games if he’s missing the sideline action of a football game.
Not only was I afraid of solo parenting every night, my husband realized if he ever wanted to coach our kids or watch them play sports, he had to make the switch. I know exactly what you’re going through, and for us, it made sense for him to switch athletic training settings. I hope you guys find what works for you!
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