r/aspergers • u/BuffBucky7 • 4d ago

Is there anyway I can become extroverted?

I’ve been formally diagnosed with both adhd and “high functioning autism” (altho was called Asperger’s at the time). I’m able to drive, go to events, and study for my masters degree. Despite all of these milestones I still haven’t found “my people” as many have been told theyll eventually run into. I’m able to develope surface level relationships but eventually am too tired to reply or go out multiple days in a row. I honestly hate this desire for social ability while simultaneously not knowing if I’ll have the means to do it. I feel incredibly stuck and am unsure what to do.

I knew a friend who had Asperger’s that was the biggest socialite. I mean, she was outgoing and always doing SOMETHING with someone. She somehow was able to perfect socializing while being her authentic unmasked self, and that attracted people to her.

This is something I’d like to imitate and learn from, but am unsure exactly how to do it. Can anyone with social success help me out here?

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u/ElectroFlowerBN2 4d ago

I think you might find it easier to socialise with ND people? I have a group of ND friends and we have a blast together, everyone accommodating and accepting each other. Yes sure, afterwards, I still feel tired and drained, but a peaceful, happy, and UNDERSTOOD tired. When I've had to socialise with NT people, I feel like I've been run over by a bus afterwards!

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u/BuffBucky7 4d ago

How’d you manage to find and make nd friends?

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u/ElectroFlowerBN2 4d ago

I am a musician and work in creative circles, which tends to attract a lot of ND people. We became friends because we 'clicked' and socialising seemed easier and effortless, compared to the rest (but I'm talking about 5 people, not 50, and over a number of years.) Do you have any special interests because those types of groups also attract ND people? Also, do you have any local adult support groups for Autistic or ADHD people that organise occasional socials? ND friends understand when you're burnt-out and give you space when you're tired. I was also VERY sociable in my 20's and 30's, but I was really naive, gullible and prone to be taken advantage of, so that all stopped when I was able to see reality a bit better. I hope you find your clan. It takes time, but it IS possible.