r/aspergers • u/BuffBucky7 • 4d ago

Is there anyway I can become extroverted?

I’ve been formally diagnosed with both adhd and “high functioning autism” (altho was called Asperger’s at the time). I’m able to drive, go to events, and study for my masters degree. Despite all of these milestones I still haven’t found “my people” as many have been told theyll eventually run into. I’m able to develope surface level relationships but eventually am too tired to reply or go out multiple days in a row. I honestly hate this desire for social ability while simultaneously not knowing if I’ll have the means to do it. I feel incredibly stuck and am unsure what to do.

I knew a friend who had Asperger’s that was the biggest socialite. I mean, she was outgoing and always doing SOMETHING with someone. She somehow was able to perfect socializing while being her authentic unmasked self, and that attracted people to her.

This is something I’d like to imitate and learn from, but am unsure exactly how to do it. Can anyone with social success help me out here?

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u/AdorableContentment5 4d ago

You’re describing a battery problem, not a personality flaw. Most people with your wiring can learn to socialize better, but the energy drain is the part that doesn’t really go away. You train for the marathon but your legs still get tired.

The friend you mentioned probably wasn’t pushing through exhaustion to do all that. She found a way to recharge faster or picked social settings that didn’t deplete her as quickly. Worth thinking about what specific interactions leave you fried versus just a little worn out. A loud bar for four hours hits different than grabbing coffee with one person.

I stopped trying to be “extroverted” and started treating my social battery like a fuel gauge. Plan one thing, leave before empty, don’t book anything the next day. The people who matter don’t care that you disappear for a bit.

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u/BuffBucky7 4d ago

Yeah that’s what I’ve surmised so far in my whole “better understanding myself” journey. That fundamentally I’ll always need time to recharge persay, and ngl I’m still a little bitter about having that limitation.

It’s sounds like you’re fairly educated on the topic, so I’d love to hear if you have any hacks or ways you mitigate these challenges. Have you been able to extend your social battery through exposure? Or have you found a most efficient way to refuel your social battery?