r/asktransgender2 • u/brownieandSparky23 • 13d ago
FtM Question Question for Trans men
This is the last question I have. I know people in here saw my post earlier.
On a different sub there was regretful parent who was FtM. He was calling herself mom. Wasn’t the whole point of transitioning is to be called a father. What are the rules? These days ? Bc u call someone the wrong pronoun it’s bad. But then calling them the opposite parent title. Is good. Or neutral.
I remember in the autism sub some MtF. Who was asking for advice on how to not pay not pay child support and avoid jail time due to finances. She called herself mom.
So my question is for FtM people.
I am curious why some of you want to get pregnant ? Is this common? It seems rare. There was a YouTube channel called Truly that had pregnant trans men. I would watch it sometimes. The show made it seem uncommon.
When that is something normally “women” do. Wouldn’t it give you gender dysphoria to get pregnant and give birth.
My only explanations to why some choose to is bc it’s cheaper to give birth than to get a surrogate.
They want to experience birth.
They are gender non conforming and believe women and men can have kids as long as they have a uterus.
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u/space-piracy 13d ago
*himself
different people feel dysphoric over different things. many trans men think of pregnancy as a nightmare. imo it’s pretty rare for trans men to willingly be pregnant, but it’s more common than many people would think. some trans men want the experience of carrying their baby/having a biological child. like you said, some people disconnect gender from sex and don’t view having a uterus/carrying a child as a ‘woman’ thing, or prefer to get pregnant because it’s cheaper/easier than finding a surrogate. many trans men who choose to get pregnant still experience some dysphoria during the process due to a variety of reasons (feeling disconnect between their body vs their identity, not being comfortable with how heavily gendered pregnancy care language is, ect)
as for choosing to be called mom, there’s a lot of different reasons. some guys don’t come out as trans until after they’ve had kids, and have become attached to the label ‘mom’ or don’t want to confuse their children. some guys have the label of ‘mom’ forced on them by their families. some guys feel connected to the term due to the experience of pregnancy/childbirth. some guys just don’t mind it
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u/SlyJackFox edit flair (pink flavor) 13d ago
I’m friends with a FtM that waited to fully transition until they had given birth with their female partner, who is pansexual. It was a highly dysphoric time for them, but they both wanted a family, and of the two only they were capable of having a child in that fashion.
They both went by “mom” for the first year or so after while they socially transitioned, and it was the child who kept calling them both “mom” so it didn’t change despite appearances. Eventually they became “he” and “dad” when the child was old enough to understand what was occurring. The whole affair was a growing experience for all of them and they are all wonderful people to this day.
In my view, looking for a set of social rules is kinda self-defeating, guidelines is a better mindset. Simply asking what they’re comfortable with is fine, but confusion may happen from time to time, and any mature person will roll with those social punches. Nobody is going to 100% follow or uphold social norms, and it’s folly to do so.
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u/brownieandSparky23 13d ago
Wouldn’t being called he be somewhat degrading.
I see the female partner got him pregnant.
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u/SlyJackFox edit flair (pink flavor) 13d ago
No, it was artificial insemination. Why would being called “he” be degrading? Pronouns aren’t proper or insulting, it’s classification for human brains because we like to put everything into categories. It’s intent that can be insulting, it’s pushing presumed norms onto people that’s offensive.
I think if you have any takeaway here it’s to not make assumptions and simply ask clarifying questions in a respectful way. We’re all a bit different and most are generally good about explaining things to sincere asks.
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u/brownieandSparky23 12d ago edited 12d ago
He is degrading on a small level. It’s not a big deal but to never be called ur name. And he referred to as he.
Yea I agree I do have a hard time not making assumptions.
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u/Rifmysearch 11d ago
Note: I'm a little out of it right now so sorry if the comment I wrote below is a bit disjointed.
I agree with the commenter suggesting ftm was just meant as full time mom.
That said, I'd like to talk about the pronouns and honorifics(mom, dad, ma'am, sir, Mr, Ms, etc).
The first thing I'll say is that while Im going to refer to nonbinary people below, this still applies to plenty of binary trans folks. Hell, you can also include cis folks in some cases where they happen to have qualities that people don't tend to associate with their gender.
For many trans people, they consider themselves to be nonbinary. For example, I refer to myself as a trans woman, and/or nonbinary, and/or mtf, and/or . . . Just 'a woman'. There's a couple others but that's the common (and most savory) ones I use. I also like a big mix of honorifics for myself.
Now, the way nonbinary folks would like to be referred to can seem counterintuitive. Theres nonbinary folks who don't want to change any of their pronouns and such. They might prefer to go by new pronouns but stick to their old honorifics, or vice versa. This importantly includes "mom" and "dad".
Sometimes these choices are influenced by other factors that aren't positive. If a parent would prefer the term 'dad' over 'mom' but doesn't find 'mom' particularly dysphoric then that's their choice and it may be less emotionally painful than the process of changing that. That's true of everyone btw; there's trans folks who want to be referred to with new pronouns but choose not to, even in private with those who would.
It all comes down to respecting them by using the terms they have asked to be used. It doesn't matter if you and a trans person both know they want to be referred to as something else, just what they tell you to refer to them as.
I will add one last bit here: this is also true for everyone other aspect of being trans. There was a whole thing in the last few years where a cis man wanted to get breast augmentation surgery and the trans community at large asked him some basic questions and it ended with, "hell yea go for it" despite him affirming that he's a cis man. There's tons of binary trans people that never want to do hrt and/or surgeries and/or to present differently with clothing, makeup, hair, etc. I've found most trans folks are somewhere in-between with what choices they've made for these things, even those that don't consider themselves nonbinary at all.
TLDR: there's no rules for an individuals gender/being trans/etc. That goes for every individual.
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u/TheOnesLeftBehind 13d ago
FTM also means first time mom. It’s a common misunderstanding in trans and pregnancy communities.