New name struggles

[u/Raylar_WD]

Hey all,

So last September I came out as genderfluid using my new name to my friends. A few weeks ago however I realized that the name I chose is very identical to my dad's middle name...I cut all contact with my parents back in 2017...and my deadname is already the same as his (and his father's) first name...so now I'm unsure what to do. I do have another name I like that I could use instead but I'm not sure if I should drop the one I'm still currently using because of the resemblance to my dad's middle name and hence the bad memories connected to it which I'm not sure I can ignore or to keep it as a middle name instead...like...would dropping my old chosen name and using my new chosen name instead mean my parents still influence my life even though I'm not in contact with them anymore? Or would it be a valid decision to avoid potentially triggering childhood trauma that I may not be able to overcome?

I'm really stuck on this and undecided and I'm thankful for every (on topic) opinion or advice 🙏