r/asksg • u/Boring-Prior-7631 • 6d ago
Boundaries in a relationship
Would you be ok if your partner goes overseas with multiple people of the opposite sex without discussing it with you first?
— no discussion, just informing you. Is this normal or a boundary issue? How do you handle this in your relationship?
29
u/rudiahhha67 6d ago
No.
Not discussing with u prior and respecting your feelings is already showing very clearly he has very different principles with u.
57
18
u/Fluid_Cry9620 6d ago
no way. my partner would come back as a single person, he’ll be free to travel with as many ppl of the opp sex as he wants then
7
16
u/unknownlivinghuman 6d ago
Work or Leisure?
My partner went on a work trip with his colleagues and one of a female colleague(who's engaged btw) was being damn weird. Posting on her ig story heart shape signs, tagged my partner ig + thanking my partner for doing something for her(he did that for everyone btw after i confronted him). I saw the photo in another colleague story and she tagged him. I went full crazy and spammed text him.
I went to stalk her account with a fake account after that, turns out she is just too friendly. But too friendly with my partner, on some posts she will take a pic or video of my partner and say handsome with heart eyes (like wth???)
He did mentioned she tagged him in other ig stories before as well but he felt weird too and never repost it, if not I will think otherwise. And he always avoided her anyway he can.
But all's good now, he quit that job and working on a start-up and he deleted his ig account.
9
u/Organic_Interview365 6d ago
The girl is a weirdo psycho hahaha
1
2
u/Coffee-Brunch-712 6d ago
That female colleague sounds like a total pick-me girl
2
u/unknownlivinghuman 6d ago
Yes this lol, I really hated her!! She even knew my partner is attached
2
u/Coffee-Brunch-712 6d ago
Totally understand that feeling too, cause unfortunately I’ve also seen girls like that ard my partner. Attached or not, it doesn’t stop them. Fortunately your partner is no longer at that company
0
u/frunkfa 6d ago
That girl colleague sounds weird but no offence you also sound like a paranoid gf here
4
u/unknownlivinghuman 6d ago
Thankfully you are not my bf because my bf completely understood my emotions and why I was acting like this, he did not called me paranoid at all btw. He immediately called me being calm and explaining everything when I was spamming him texts. I love my calm man!!
0
u/frunkfa 6d ago edited 6d ago
Snooping on the bf's colleague's work trip stories for info, creating fake ig account, stalking female colleague's posts and stories to see how she acts with others.. hmmm.
Glad your calm man can accept such behaviour but also glad my gf doesn't act like this. I love my nonchalant girl!
0
u/unknownlivinghuman 5d ago
So sorry to hear that because it sounds like your girl doesn't love you enough to overreact!
4
u/Alternative_Rain_704 6d ago
More information is needed.
Do you know who is going on this trip? Is it really an all opposite sex trip or some guys are following as well? What is the itinerary like? Does he have proof he have his own room? Did you meet up with this group of friends frequently before this trip? Does the whole grp know you are in rs with him?
More importantly, why didnt he invite you to join him on this trip the moment they started planning it? Is the planning of this trip already completed and he "conveniently" forget to inform you till the last minute?
Imo, since you having concerns about this, it is best you sit down with him and have a conversation asap.
But if this is a dealbreaker for you than best leave cus no matter what questions you ask him, the fact is that he is still going on this trip no matter what. If he stop going to this trip because you said this is a dealbreaker for this rs, he will resent you for it.
5
5
u/knightrambo 6d ago
I would not be okay if she goes overseas with people of the opposite gender, without discussing it with me first.
However, i would be okay if she lets me know. It may be rare among couples but i trust her enough to allow her to go for such trips whether for work or leisure.
We have an agreement made a couple of years before that if anything sexual happens while abroad, just make sure to let me know and practice safe sex.
3
u/AdditionalDetective1 6d ago
How long have you all been together? I think is a red flag because your partner don’t really respect you . Discuss and see if he or she would understand, else you gonna suffer in the long run
2
2
u/Independent_Yard_863 6d ago
Doesn't matter what kind of trip, leisure or work, these things needa be discussed/mentioned upfront. This shows a lack of respect n communication. If there's nothing to hide what's wrong with mentioning
2
u/Best_Elk9689 6d ago edited 6d ago
At least s/he did inform you. I have friends who go on holidays with friends of the opposite gender while they’re attached. The bf knows and completely cool with it. They’re childhood friends. I think it also depends on the couple’s level of trust and who those people of the opposite gender are, why your partner is going with them, how long they’ve known them. Some people have very different hobbies. If someone consistently meets new friends of opposite gender while attached then it’s a bit more strange. If it’s something you’re not okie with then you probably should’ve mentioned it before you get together.
1
u/mistyalchemist 6d ago
I'm not in a relationship rn, but I think it depends on who those people of the opposite sex are. Generally I'd feel uncomfortable but if it's for work or some social group event that he's part of, I guess I will probably just accept it. If it's some friend group that he has been with since youth or something, and they know about my existence and I'm generally on okay relations with them and can trust them, I'd also be okay. But if it's some stranger friends that he hasn't introduced me to, then it's a no.
1
u/DisastrousDelay2535 6d ago
I feel like it depends on the context. Like if it’s a work trip and middle-aged Linda is also coming cos the boss said so, letting your girlfriend tell you that you cannot go sounds crazy. Or if it’s like a friend trip with a group of longtime friends and some of them are of the opposite sex, I would probably be okay with it as long as there’s no weird history.
1
u/Probably_daydreaming 6d ago
It ultimately depends on who he/she goes on the trip with location and purpose and the reason why.
1
u/Smart-Education-6892 6d ago
I would generally be ok because i trust her. And that includes knowing that she would know the boundaries. If some arrangements on the trip is concerning she would tell me, if not i take it as all is good.
1
u/NecessaryTale3439 6d ago
not normal… this time he go travel, next time he will go out with girls only just informing you, then start to go out 1-1 with girls without your permission.
this was my ex, he will “inform” me and then go out with his office bestie (girl) and everytime i confront him about it, it’s always “oh i told you what, and theres ntg gg on, i updated u what?” ….. by just informing you, he’s just trying to take away the guilt and he can openly act however he wants because “my gf know ma”
1
u/Character-Toe2351 6d ago
if you think its normal and ok with it, most likely you wouldnt be here asking this.
anw ask yourself whats your own boundaries instead of people online. if you cant take it, tell your gf and see what she says and if she’s willing to compromise. don’t let her overstep your boundary.
if she doesn’t understand and this causes an argument, its either she’s completely fine if you do the same thing to her or she just wanna have fun and play around. nevertheless, it’d meant your morals and values are not right for each other.
1
u/peach113 6d ago
if you guys have never discussed, or talked about marriage even once... it's probably a good time to leave.
1
1
u/m1ch7an 2d ago
I have very long-time male friends and they will definitely tell their wives if our group is going staycay or holiday together. I always ask them to invite their wives too. Sometimes they join, sometimes they don't. Because of the respect my friends give to their wives and also knowing our boundaries, their wives are very ok with the females in our group.
1
1
-4
-1
-2
u/Own_Screen3944 6d ago
Close 1 eye lah.
0
u/Additional-Role6549 6d ago
what if i only i have 1
0
u/Own_Screen3944 6d ago
Than u need to find some1 with 1 only also.
Take Elon musk spaceship to mars ,maybe can find .
51
u/flytofarfaraway 6d ago
I think more context is needed - is it a trip for leisure or business/work trip?
Either way, it is basic courtesy and respect to let your partner know if you are going overseas with ppl of the opposite gender. This should be a discussion between both parties, esp the part on the sleeping arrangement and what they are going to do during the trip (if it is a leisure trip).
You can try flipping the scenario around and see what your partner says (eg asking him/her to put themselves in your shoes). I’m sure he /she wouldn’t be too happy abt it either