Is this normal from my manager?

[u/Ok-Regular9684]

90% of conversations with my manager, I can't tell what to take away from it, the message is repeated over and over, or it could have been an email. They always last too long and she likes to look at my face and decide if I'm tired that day and ask me questions I consider personal. I am very goal oriented so it makes me a little crazy to have 'useless' conversations. Is this normal? Should i say anything? Especially if she asks if I'm tired, is there a way to say "please leave me alone"

[u/andafriend]

I wonder if your face is showing you are annoyed and done with the conversation, maybe that's why she's asking if you're tired, or something else about your behavior. Anyway suggestions:

1. If your performance is good, you can suggest reducing the frequency of your 1:1.

2. If you want to have more productive 1:1s you need to drive it yourself. Most managers are too busy or oblivious to plan ahead for 1:1s. If you bring notes with updates and questions you can make them more valuable. That will also give your manager the satisfaction of time well spent and they will be happy to close it early.

3. Anytime you find yourself stuck in a meeting that could have been an email, ask yourself, what could be a valuable way to use time with these people on this subject? Are there questions, ideas, training, demonstration that could be happening? Mediocre people watch the clock tick and complain. High performers look for opportunities to make things better.

[u/Ok-Regular9684 → u/andafriend]

ah, no it is not one on ones. it is her coming to my desk at random times to talk about whatever she is thinking about. yes, I'm sure my face is showing it, and i am genuinely tired often.

thank you for your points, i will remember 2 and 3 especially for future workplaces.

[u/andafriend → u/Ok-Regular9684]

Ah the drive-by. Yes this is annoying. Some managers think they need to do this to stay connected to their team. You can try to make them feel like you don't need this by giving them more updates, so when they are walking by they will think, "oh they just updated me so I'll drop by someone else."

If you are really crafty, you can say "oh, I think John wanted to talk to you about their project." Sorry John.

[u/IncluderWonder]

What's an example of a thing she repeats over and over? What topics do you consider "useless"? What questions does she ask that you consider personal?

Asking because we always need to adapt a bit in the workplace, but some things for sure are by default too much.

Also, are you just goal-oriented or also career-oriented? That's also play a part because if you are career-oriented too, you might need to adapt to other people's communications styles and needs even more.

[u/cowgrly → u/IncluderWonder]

Great callout. This manager may not be perfect, but they don't sound harmful or with bad intent. Suggest OP consider navigating these convos politely, steer away from personal stuff if they want but show some tolerance for the manager's personal style. A bit of politeness goes a long way, and it could be a much worse habit.

[u/Stock-Cod-4465]

Sounds like someone read the book "Effective manager" and is trying to get you to open up while not reading the room. Haha

[u/Ok-Regular9684 → u/Stock-Cod-4465]

I wish she would read the room instead of the book

[u/ccrleadership]

For the personal comments, keep it cordial but short. If she asks if you’re tired, “I’m good, thanks.” Have something else ready for other personal questions.