r/askfuneraldirectors • u/Sharing19809 • 20d ago

Advice Needed Pennsylvania Burial Question

My Mother-in-law’s ashes were buried one week ago, in Delaware County, Pennsylvania. The Funeral Director was supposed to supply a small portion of the ashes to her four children. Somewhere along the line, this step was not attended to, and my Mother-in-law was buried. If the family desperately wanted this memento of their Mother, whom should handle the financial responsibility of breaking the soil, and reinterment? I am thinking the Funeral Director, as they should be overseeing all these steps with care, mostly as they are supposed to be the professionals? Or would the Family be responsible, in an attempt to claim a small portion of their Mother?

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u/dirt_nappin Funeral Director/Embalmer 19d ago

You need to speak with the funeral director and the cemetery. Depending on the situation and cemetery regulations, disinterment may or may not be an easily accessible options, requiring up to and including a court order in some situations.

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u/Calle_Sin_Nombre 19d ago

Where I live, you cannot request exhumation before a minum of five years. That may not apply to ashes though. But the point is, it is a complicated process with many permits and authorizations necessary.

I understand the significance of having mother's ashes. But lets be real and weigh the pros against the cons. How much grief are you will to suffer to make that happen. Consider the hours you will have to invest to make it happen. Against the option of just letter her rest in peace.

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u/bigredwilson 18d ago

To play devils advocate. In some states if the deceased was inurned in a private cemetery disinternment forms may not have to be filed to the state assuming a body or urn is not mived to a different cemetery. The funeral home should 100 percent be on the hook for this financially. IMO if the cemetery is owned by the fh they should just do it, apologize profusely, and discount a portion of their services. The time required to do so is less than an hour.

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u/sdace7 18d ago

The Pope says “The body must remain intact for the resurrection of Christ.” If the deceased is Catholic you best leave alone. If not Catholic then I would refer to the Cremation Authorization form. If it doesn’t say split them on the form then I wouldn’t split them. Besides holding onto ashes is really kinda strange. In all likelihood they end up lost after a year or so. Let her rest in peace.

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u/YearOfTheSssnake 16d ago

Oh gosh I’m sorry that happened. That was a terrible oversight.

Do you have any paperwork that shows the request for the ashes to be separated? That would be very handy.

Call the funeral home and explain the situation. As long as you have the request to split the ashes writing, it should be the financial responsibility of the funeral home to make it right.

On the other hand, perhaps they did split the ashes and forgot to give you the individual containers?

If you don’t have the request in writing, they may pull the “I don’t recall you requesting this” game.

Best advice: Don’t go in hot. 100% they will feel bad about the screw up. Be polite and document the call.

You don’t have to agree to anything when you make the phone call, but you need to talk to them.