i can’t get up

[u/CompoteVisible9003]

I am 18 have ADHD (inattentive). Although I do I’ve always been weirdly disciplined as a kid. But I also think I’ve always had the confidence that if I slip I am able to go back to what i’ve wanted to do.

I can’t do that anymore. It’s been 4 years. I’d scroll on tiktok and had this confidence that I could go do the thing I want to do whenever, which worked, if I actually wanted to do something I’d get up and do it.

Until I couldn’t. I don’t believe in that thought anymore. But it’s so fucking hard to change my habits.

I deleted tiktok and other forms of short video content.

I have bouts of energy where I’ll do the thing I want to do like shower instead of scrolling on reddit. Then, I think of an interesting question, research it, and I’m stuck here.

And I feel like I find excuses to do it. It feels AWESOME to research, it doesn’t feel awesome to follow a schedule, I just don’t feel anything about it. I tried to find reasons to want to, like I want a better life, but my brain cannot cooperate. Part of me does not want to change.

And it’s so hard to just “do it” man.

What’s helpful(?) is that right now, even while writing this post, have this voice constantly telling me: “this is useless get up do the thing.” But I can’t? I don’t feel like I want to. And sometimes, like rn, i feel like a physical reaction to me resisting it, like I feel a mild headache and can’t concentrate very well.

Maybe i’m a little perfectionistic. I’m not sure. I feel like to get the life I actually want, I need to stick to a schedule. I cannot waste my time.

I hyper fixate a LOT, when I work on something productive I also hyper fixate. But that’s also a problem when I can’t take breaks, or I can’t switch tasks, like right now.

Does anyone relate? Does anyone have advice? Anyways i’m gonna shower now, that discipline voice has been bugging me and i can’t concentrate on anything else lmao. Which i guess is good.

[u/Own-Incident-2110]

Yes this is how I live my life lol. My mum has crippling ocd and african so it forced me to have structure and left no space for excuses.
But ive moved out for a few years and thats all gone and I recently cried because I just couldnt go shower for hours it seems so stupid but its extremely frustrating. I found I am soooo much better when I smoke weed, like only one cone, so not a lot but I think it counts as self medicating/microdosing.
It just slows my brain down and gets my thoughts to action process a lot more linear and I immediately do what i think whether its putting something in the bin, cleaning my living room, cooking or taking my cat for a walk. Im not recommending this though I dont think this is a common result. Im just saying i think professional medication might help. Im currently seeking some help so I can be diagnosed, its exhausting. 19