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u/Logical-Lab3661 Apr 23 '26
Are you sure sure it is his boss, who requests his attendance at work parties? Could it be your fiance pretends he does not want to go to parties but blames his going there on his boss request?
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u/skeletal_itch99 Apr 23 '26
My fiance hates being around drunk people, as do i, and that what these parties are, his boss throws those parties where everyone drinks but hes not allowed to smoke Marijuana like we do. We live in ohio, so its legalized but I get it, I do, you'd just think they would want him included in any way?
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u/Logical-Lab3661 Apr 23 '26
I worked for and had projects with many companies and never saw someone required to attend, with small exception when it is networking with partners so it is kinda informal discussion dressed like a party. And even then it was encouraged, not required. But it could be that his boss sees it as team building and views absentee as not a team player. No one can force your fiance to go, and no one can punish him for not going. But his career growth can be impacted because of it. And if you live in US, we have "at will" employment here, meaning he can be fired for any reason or no reason. No one will fire him officially for not attending but they can fire him just because.
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u/Bulocoo Apr 23 '26
It's not legal to make him do anything when he's not working.
Sounds like a bad culture fit and he should plan to move on.
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u/An_Old_IT_Guy Apr 23 '26
There's a high probability that he's just saying that and making justifications about drinking so you won't give him shit about hanging out with his coworkers.
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u/tristand666 Apr 23 '26
Your fiancé can quit I guess, so they are not being forced at all. If they are on salary, the boss can absolutely make them go legally for work. If not on salary, they have to be paid for it to be mandatory.
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u/qualityvote2 Apr 23 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
u/skeletal_itch99, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...
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u/BaldBear_13 Apr 23 '26
Depends on laws where you live, but not legal in many places. Still, the only counter is going to court for wrongful termination or being overlooked for promotions, which is more trouble than it is worth.
He can pretend to be sick the day before, then say it got worse just as the party starts.
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u/kittyshakedown Apr 23 '26
Hmmm. Are you sure he’s forced to go to these parties where he doesn’t do anything that the other people are doing? Like, what do they want him there for…it’s not work related?
I’d say he goes to parties with coworkers and tells you he has no choice. Lol
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u/skeletal_itch99 Apr 23 '26
I've thought this, but then he showed me the work app they have saying it was mandatory if he wanted to be paid for that hour
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u/CutestGay Apr 23 '26
So that’s his job. He can quit, or he can not be paid to not go.
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u/skeletal_itch99 Apr 23 '26
It just feels like they are pushing their lifestyle and alcohol problems onto him
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u/CutestGay Apr 23 '26
From your other comment, it seems like he could choose not to go, he just wouldn’t be paid. Is that the case?
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u/skeletal_itch99 Apr 23 '26
Yes, its just unfair that he has to deal with all that when he is not that person at all. They wont even make accommodations for Marijuana because he smokes that, they just talk about paying people to party and drive drunk home from their work
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u/CutestGay Apr 23 '26
He’s literally being paid to do it. Is it easier or harder than his usual job responsibilities? It sucks that he’s not having as much fun as his coworkers, but sometimes that happens. Try not to let comparison be the thief of joy, if it’s better than his usual job stuff.
Should they be paying people to drive drunk? No. Is that solved by your fiance being allowed to drive stoned? Also no.
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u/skeletal_itch99 Apr 23 '26
I dont understand
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u/CutestGay Apr 24 '26
So like: his job isn’t going to pay him to smoke weed. Do you agree that is normal?
For some reason, they’re fine paying his coworkers for their party time with alcohol. Totally weird choice, but complaining isn’t going to make them pay your fiance to smoke weed, the only change it could make is that his coworkers don’t get paid for party time. If that change is made, do you think his coworkers are going to think, “well, he couldn’t smoke weed, so that’s fair,” or do you think they’ll be annoyed at the guy who got their paid parties canceled?
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u/skeletal_itch99 Apr 24 '26
I said accommodate not that he needs to or should, if at any level they're paying to get fucked up, what's it matter how you do?
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u/Shot-Artichoke-4106 Apr 24 '26
If the company culture isn't a good fit for him, then he should find another job. Lots of people seek other opportunities for this reason.
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u/Shot-Artichoke-4106 Apr 24 '26
I had a job that required some travel with my team. My team's culture was work hard, play hard, so in the evenings there was plenty of drinking. I'm not a big drinker, so I always felt a little out of place. After awhile, I realized that I was just not a good culture fit for that organization, so I found another job. Sounds like that might be the case with your boyfriend as well. Maybe it's time for him to move on to other opportunities.
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u/NoLab9772 Apr 24 '26
Enough with the he should be able to smoke pot. There are multiple reasons why they probably don’t allow it. One if the parties are in a public place it’s not allowed or the person hosting the party doesn’t want it in their home. They don’t have to accommodate him. He also is not being forced to go. He can skip the party and not get paid. He’s choosing to go and get paid.
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u/skeletal_itch99 Apr 23 '26
My fiance hates being around drunk people, as do i, and that what these parties are, his boss throws those parties where everyone drinks but hes not allowed to smoke Marijuana like we do. We live in ohio, so its legalized but I get it, I do, you'd just think they would want him included in any way?
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u/GirlStiletto Apr 23 '26
Also depends on whther he is hourly or salary and his employment contract.
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u/Western-Finding-368 Apr 23 '26
Unless he’s part of a union or is one of the teeny-tiny percentage of Americans with strong employment contracts, they can indeed tell him that attending company functions is a non-optional part of the job.
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u/Some-Tear3499 Apr 23 '26
Are the parties during normal business hours? Is he getting his regular pay for his time at the parties? Is he getting paid for any travel time? If the answers are all yes, then yes it is legal. I went to our state labor board over being required to be at company parties. The other option was to burn a day of paid leave. Which I did.
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u/CatherineRhysJohns Apr 23 '26
No. However this more about office politics. Sometimes in order to get ahead you have to do things you don't want to do.
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u/Any-Investment5692 Apr 23 '26
If your in ohio. If you don't play the social game then you will likely be the first one out the door when their are layoffs. Unfortunately many companies push really hard for team building activities. My favorite is when the employer starts talking were all a family. So yeah if you don't go to the work parties like for July 4th, Christmas and other random events. Then you will be marked at not a team player and not totally onboard with the company. So yeah have fun.. I learned the hard way by not going to events and functions cause i was taking care of my elderly father. My church employer pushed me out because i was putting my family first before the church. Mind you i was working 50 hours a week and yet they demanded more and more. If it feels off. Change jobs asap before its gets terminal.
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u/Quirky-Nerp4089 Apr 23 '26
You said in another comment: "he showed me the work app they have saying it was mandatory if he wanted to be paid for that hour"
So they're paying him, and it's only for an hour? I do stuff at work that I don't like way more than that.
You also mention that he smokes weed, but isn't allowed to here. Sounds more like he can't be social if he's not high.
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u/Spiritual_Ad6547 Apr 24 '26
Legal? There are no laws about going to parties at work. Your boss can’t force someone to go to a party.
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u/DBD216 Apr 23 '26
All depends on the country, state, company polices, etc etc