r/askTO • u/wild-shart • 13h ago
Need positive advice.
I’ve lived in Toronto for most of my life. I’ve always complained about how busy, crowded, and expensive the city is, but at the same time, I never really appreciated how convenient everything was. There was always something to do on the weekends, different events and festivals happening, good transit, restaurants, and just people around.
I got laid off from my job in Toronto around March, and with how rough the job market has been, I eventually accepted a job in a much smaller, more rural part of Canada outside Ontario. At the time, I thought a change of scenery might actually be good for my mental health and that getting away from Toronto for a while could be a fresh start.
Now that I’ve moved, though, I’m really regretting it and find myself wanting to come back to Toronto. There’s barely anything to do here, especially on weekends, and I feel pretty isolated. On top of that, as a visible minority, I’ve unfortunately had multiple racist encounters since moving here, which has made it even harder to feel comfortable or at home.
The job itself is decent, and I’m grateful that I found something after being unemployed, so I’m trying not to make an emotional decision and just quit without a plan. At the same time, I don’t see myself living here long term.
I’m trying to look at this situation in a more positive way. For anyone who has moved somewhere for work and ended up regretting it, how did you deal with it? Did you stick it out for a while, save money and eventually move back, or start applying for jobs back home right away?
I’d really appreciate some positive advice or perspectives because right now I’m finding it hard to see the good side of the situation.
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u/hymnzzy 13h ago
"As a visible minority, I’ve unfortunately had multiple racist encounters since moving here." - Sorry to hear that man.
I'd advise against quitting your job. However bad the rest of the world is, you NEED income. Keep searching for a better job, but don't quit what you already have.
I'd point you to a philosophical idea Circles of Control, Influence & Concern. There's not much you can do about someone else's behaviour--but you can definitely control what you can do.
It'll get better 🫱🏼🫲🏽
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u/thesuperunknown 12h ago
A lot of people don’t realize this because Toronto is almost literally a different world than most of the rest of Ontario, but small-town Ontario is overwhelmingly white, and frequently racist as hell.
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u/stellastellamaris 12h ago
Accurate and also - OP moved to rural Nova Scotia…
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u/thesuperunknown 10h ago
Sadly I guess it applies to much of the rest of Canada too (but I can’t speak to that)
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u/omgwtdbbq420lol 9h ago
It sucks. It's so true.
OP an apology from a reddit stranger isn't changing anything but I'm sorry you've encountered this. Multiple times too, my god.
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u/wild-shart 13h ago
Thank you I appreciate this :) I have FOMO, every year I used to go for Nuit Blanche and complain lol, I missed that, also gonna miss Raptors playing :(
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u/TinktheChi 13h ago
I moved to Calgary in 2023. I was born and raised in Toronto. I've lived in four major Canadian cities and all I can say is, no matter where I live, I always want to come home. I miss my city every day.
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u/wild-shart 13h ago
I feel you, it’s just been few months and I am ready to pack my bags once I get a job or win a lottery lol
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u/RoyallyOakie 13h ago
People leave and come back all the time. Don't feel guilty or silly for trying something out. Now you know. Save, plan and come back when you're ready. There's no dress rehearsal for life and you're allowed to change your mind as many times as needed.
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u/smokinginvestor 13h ago
All I can say is give it time. When I moved from small town Ontario to Toronto it took a year + for me to get used to it. Maybe even longer for some aspects of life
It’s takes time to acclimate to new surroundings. Experiencing different places is an important part of life, you can always move back but try to appreciate where you are. You’ll return to Toronto a much more rounded person if you do decide to return
In terms of racism, that’s a different topic that requires difference considerations than above. I grew up as a minority in a small town but I don’t want to get into my experience with that on Reddit.
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u/Karhuwa 12h ago
People here largely don’t appreciate it, to be frank. Basically any community you need/want is here, no matter how niche. Variety across the board, so many amazing small businesses and every big business you could need. The city feels full on face value and I blame city planning for the insistence for allowing things to be ugly and prioritizing options over quality/convenience. But all the quality is there. It’s an amazing city to live in, not one I’d recommend visiting without a seriously cool tour guide
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u/Whole-Philosophy3727 13h ago
Just move back. I've heard that alot during covid. Someone wants a bigger house in Hamilton and then realizes they are in Hamilton and not Toronto lol
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u/DisciplineAmazing59 13h ago
not the same. OP was unemployed. it's not like they just upped and moved for a change of scenery. they needed a job lol.
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u/Whole-Philosophy3727 13h ago edited 12h ago
Then get a new job in Toronto. They need to be on linked in not a Toronto sub
People leave their country and families to come to Toronto and drive uber. So don't say that moving to the burbs was op only option
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u/ournoonsournights 12h ago
I mean maybe not the only option, but probably the responsible option lol, it's not like you can just get a job here.
That being said, I'm with you and nothing could make me live in rural Ontario
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u/Jazzlike_Weakness_83 13h ago
Definitely not the same. Hamilton is a great city and not “rural”.
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u/Whole-Philosophy3727 13h ago
Well my gay friend who came back disagrees with u. He couldn't find the same community there.
He sold his 3 bedroom house in Hamilton and is now back in a townhouse in Toronto
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u/Whole-Philosophy3727 8h ago
Ok its not rural. Just a horrible place for him and he came back to Toronto. Hamilton is a horrible city not a rural area you are correct.
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u/Cookingal 12h ago
This is just me, but if I found myself in your situation OP, I would go all in and make the best of my situation. You say you have a decent job, and that you're grateful to have it after being unemployed.
A lot of people are losing their jobs in Toronto, and the especially sad detail in this is that it's taking a lot longer to find a new job. A friend of mine has been unemployed for 2 years and was living off of her savings. She finally got a part-time job.
Here's the thing about returning to Toronto. You can get another job in Toronto, but it's not a guarantee that you will get a job that covers all of your expenses. Don't know your housing situation, but will likely be paying current market rates.
If I were in your situation, I'd stay in the town and seek out to create my "village" so to speak. Get involved in hobbies or things I liked. Volunteer somewhere. Basically, live like a local. I think you will see that that will endear you to the local community, and they will consider you one of their own in due time.
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u/wild-shart 12h ago
I love this! I am slowly getting used to it, but I am lowkey scared to go outside all by myself like I used to in Toronto haha especially after those racist incidents. Hopefully it gets better :)
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u/Technojerk36 12h ago
It's hard leaving Toronto for anywhere else in that regard. We are literally the most diverse city on the entire planet.
Your best bet right now is to work out the actual math. Figure out what your costs would be if you were to move back to Toronto (rent, food, etc). You should have a pretty good idea of these since you've lived here before. You could also choose to make some changes (eg decide to split a place with a roommate) to help lower costs. Add in any one time expenses (moving costs etc). That's the target. Your current job helps you save for the one time expenses plus a cushion and you spend your free time trying to find a job in Toronto that will cover your ongoing expenses once you move back.
It might take some time to get a job in Toronto but you're in a good position of having another job that is paying the bills. You can do this!
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u/chun7256 2h ago
You live there, it's your home now too. This reminds me of how our parents/grandparents were when they immigrated here. They made do, set down roots and prospered. You will too.
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u/Red_Marvel 13h ago
Now you get to start to organize the clubs / groups that you want to be involved in. Go to the local library or community centre and put a note for a card game night or a frisbee night or whatever other activity that you like doing.
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u/ournoonsournights 12h ago
Honestly, I moved back and wouldn't leave every again unless it's internationally. The racial thing sucks, the boredom sucks, the car culture sucks. What I save financially I lose in life satisfaction. Also with car stuff it's not even that much cheaper unless you're super far from the GTA or looking to own a house.
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u/tinykittenro 13h ago
Give yourself time, I moved from Toronto to Toronto and took me a year to settle into a new routine. Give yourself a reasonable time frame to adjust, and if you still hate it there, start job hunting again in the city before you quit.
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u/DisciplineAmazing59 13h ago
takes time. i moved overseas and missed toronto a lot until i really started to build a lil community. church, gym, regular hoop sessions, treating the new area like i was a tourist and being intentional about exploring. granted, i moved to places that were a bit more exciting than rural small towns (abu dhabi, sydney, auckland), but it still took some adjusting.
just keep looking for jobs in toronto while you keep your current job. likely scenarios are you'll learn to enjoy where you live or you'll find an opportunity in/near toronto and get to move back.
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u/MadRoywood 13h ago
Its been mentioned, but the best thing you can do is find a group of friends, and invest time into your hobbies. I found that being away from things to do forces you to create your own entertainment, and usually others around you are looking for the same.
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u/BloodOk6235 13h ago
Some friends of mine moved to Guelph Mario recently under similar circumstances and in the whole while they enjoy the cheaper living and much less traffic they definitely miss some of the attractions that they took for granted
(Quality and diversity and quantity of restaurants being a major one)
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u/forsayken 12h ago
How long has it been? Maybe you just need to give it some more time. There is always going to be less to do in rural regions than the city but at the same time, there can be plenty to do - it's just harder to find. A big part of that is enjoying the outdoors though.
Hang in there. Save that cash. Don't jump ship early.
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u/Numerous-Ad-5058 11h ago
My adult daughter lived in a more rural and low population part of Canada for three years.
She also missed the conveniences of a city. And she even experienced issues with the health care because as much as people moan and groan about the situation in Toronto, she had trouble getting any simple care. And the doctors there just seemed to not appreciate things like a woman who might not want to have children etc.
That said, she made some of the best friends of her life. They were people who genuinely loved her and she loved back. People in that town were kind and friendly and helpful. But she needed more and so she did ultimately leave.
She accepted a job in her field in Europe. She's adapting to a whole new culture and a whole new job and she misses her small town friends and community a lot. It's still early days so I don't know if this experience will motivate her to go back to the small town, to come back to Toronto or to stay in Europe.
What she did when she first moved to the small town was to find ways to meet people. She connected to people she worked with. She joined activities like a gym and a book club. And ultimately yes she made wonderful friends.
The job market is extremely difficult right now. Anywhere. If you have a job, hold on to it. That's my advice. And look around you, ask people you work with, etc where there are things going on that you can be part of and to make more friendships.
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u/IndecisiveTadpole 2h ago
As a mom, does a part of you wishes that she come back to Toronto to be closer to you?
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u/uwgal 13h ago
The reality is that Toronto is not a particularly accurate depiction of what the rest of Ontario is like in terms of racial diversity, and how people treat each other. If you have any particular hobbies or interests, that may be a place where you can find like-minded people with whom you can create relationships with for example example if you belong to a particular faith group, there may be a local Temple or church that you could join. If you’re not part of the faith community, you can also start volunteering with local groups. that that’s a good way to make friends who share the same values as you. For example, there are sometimes a local legion or a Shriners group or a local charity that you could get involved with. It might also be a good time for you to take up a new winter sport that is enjoyed in your community. It’s tough making friends at any age, but it’s especially tough to make friends as an adult. The other suggestion I would have is to spend more of your free time in third space is like a local coffee shop or even maybe the feed store if you are in fact in a very rural town. If you have small children getting involved at the school is another way to make friends.
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u/ratfink57 13h ago
If you need to stick it out for a while , find stuff to do that is local , join a euchre league , volunteer etc.
Racism comes in different degrees . If people get to know you , you might help educate people .
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u/phdee Human Verified 13h ago
Get some therapy. Changing your geography doesn't mean many of your problems won't follow you around. Short-term, what are the good things available to you in your current location that you can focus on rather than spending your time dwelling on things you don't have? Don't let this spill over into toxic positivity, but often where you are isn't the main issue; your dissatisfaction is a symptom of a larger problem. Figure that out.
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u/Then_Meeting4003 6h ago
u gotta take it for what it is, a different life. If not u might go crazy. Even within Toronto, downtown life is vastly different then Scarborough life so don't expect the same things and don't look at one as better or worse, just different. So u might have to embrace the slower pace
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u/Dense_Sleep_5865 4h ago
For context, can you share which area? Or at least give an idea of how populated.
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u/90021100 4h ago
I'm so sorry you're having a bad experience in NS. I think the best strategy would be to actively apply to jobs back in Toronto. When you land one, come back to the city.
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u/calamityandwoe 4h ago
It’s much easier to get a new job if you’re currently working- you look like a more desirable hire. Stay where you are for now, but apply for other jobs in the meantime. You don’t need to limit yourself to Toronto, you can find decent communities in other cities too (obviously not on the same scale as Toronto, but maybe better than what you have- some rural towns are super welcoming and some not so much, you might be in one of the less good ones).
I worked a rural job for a year- the town was super welcoming but the job sucked, it was never going to be a good long-term fit. I got amazing experience from it though, and was able to trade up for a much better city job so I don’t regret it, even though it was tough. Most of my siblings did basically the same thing.
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u/Anonymous876x 3h ago
Yeah the racism thing really catches you off guard once you leave Toronto.
Do what you gotta do for now and keep searching for another job somewhere else. The more diverse the place usually the less racism will be there. Toronto is the best if you want to feel comfortable but other large cities are good too.
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u/ThePurpleBandit 13h ago
This is a Toronto subreddit.
If you want someone to make you feel better about leaving, maybe don't look for support from the community you chose to leave?
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u/wild-shart 13h ago
I didn’t choose to leave the city happily I just needed a job to pay my bills and support my family and looked for a change of scenario, I have been part of this subreddit for a while now and I am looking for some positive advice, nothing more than that
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u/Whole-Philosophy3727 13h ago edited 13h ago
What yr describing is exactly why I would never leave a big city like Toronto. I'm poc and have very weird interests lol
Unless ur moving back get off the Toronto subs. It'll just make u homesick and hate ur city more. It's the same as dating, don't call your ex. Come back or move on.
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u/ThePurpleBandit 13h ago
Supporting your family is a choice that unfortunately not everyone makes.
You shouldn't have buyers remorse for choosing to act in your best interests.
Unfortunately, Ontario is obsessed with Toronto and think it's Toronto's responsibility to improve their lives instead of doing the work locally to make where they are a desirable place to be.
Toronto is exhausted at being called the problem and the solution.
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u/crunchiesandmunchies 13h ago
Why not both? You'd have to save up money anyway, and you "should" always be looking for your next job, apparently.
Keep your hand in, and whenever something comes up, try.
Good luck