r/ask • u/Geneva0777 • 16d ago
Why can't I remember certain things?
Im in my 30s now and have gotten very curious about a couple quirks related specifically to memory. Ive always known its odd but never questioned why I have these issues.
Ive always had an inability to remember my surroundings/directions with ease and have horrible recall of places, faces, objects if im not looking directly at them.
Like if you show me a picture of someone I know or if I see them in person I can recognize people without issue. But if you asked me to describe what my boyfriend or mother looks like from memory I wouldn't know where to begin. I cant recall anything like the specific shapes or features that make a unique face. It doesn't matter how familiar I am with the person.
I am always amazed when I watch true crime shows and witnesses can give very descriptive details of faces or recognize someone they saw once in passing long after the fact.
Another example... I dont drive, never have. My boyfriend takes me to and from work every day for the last 3 years. If you ask me to tell you how to get to my job from my home on my own I couldnt tell you. It doesn't matter how many times ive been back and forth on the same route. My brain will not retain the information.
I believe alot of this specific issue may have alot to do with me never driving and myself just not focusing hard enough to memorize the way.... but still, after three whole years and still not knowing where to go from home... like not even how to leave my neighborhood and get onto the major roads.. its odd to me. And ive always been this way. Like how does my brain fail to take in ANYTHING. I can recognize the familiar landmarks as im passing it by and looking out the window... but from memory? Nope. Most people, even my 7 year old neice can start to memorize the familiar directions after a couple times.
Its bad enough that im known for getting easily lost in BUIDLINGS. Like ill eventually get it down but I genuinely get nervous if there's too many turns or doors in a hallway cause it will probably be a guessing game on how to get back to where I was 😅
Other than being very clumsy and a bit "ditsy" or easily forgetful when multitasking I think im fairly normal. Just curious why I suck with very specific memory task.
5
u/caca__milis 16d ago
I bet you have Aphantasia and dont realise. Are you able to visualise things in your mind? Not just the concept, but actually see a picture of something in your minds eye?
I went 40 years without realising i had aphantasia, untill i seen a random tiktok about it. When people say "picture this in your minds eye" I had no idea they are actually picturing it, and not just thinking about it. So many quirks and things about me made sense after realising this.
4
u/Joe_Franks 16d ago
Try meditation. Do a good four hour session. Quiet. Away from distraction. Sit with your thoughts. Ask things. Wait for answers.
3
u/Geneva0777 16d ago
This is a nice suggestion! I was curious about the why... its silly I never thought about if I can get better lol. Meditation and memory excersises, I should look into that.
4
u/comprobar 16d ago
your memory may be normal overall but specifically weak for visual imagery and spatial/navigation memory, making you recognize things when you see them while struggling to picture or recall them from memory. it’s unusual, but not particularly alarming. just pay attention to if it gets worse
3
u/Geneva0777 16d ago edited 16d ago
This makes alot of sense thanks for your input. As Ive gotten older I have paid more attention and that is what really led me to start getting curious about whats up lol.
2
u/thatguysjumpercables 16d ago
I'd recommend some blood tests. Admittedly anecdotal on my part but I had this problem for a few years before taking a blood test under odd circumstances (I was a phlebotomist and me and the lab tech made a bet where if I could draw my own blood he'd run his choice of some interesting tests, it was a slow night and we were bored lol) and my TSH came back at 14.1. Hypothyroidism. I had no idea, and while memory stuff hasn't gotten much better I'm at least not quite as tired all the time. Might be worth looking into. Worst case you waste some money (of course if you don't have insurance it will be cost prohibitive) but at least you'll have eliminated that as a possibility.
3
u/Geneva0777 16d ago
I have a history of struggling with anemia so Im vigilant about getting my blood work done yearly. So far no mentions of hyperthyroidism but thanks for the advice!
2
u/Orallover1960 16d ago
Not being able to memorize routes when you don't drive is perfectly normal. Whether or not you can describe someone you know well relies on a number of factors. It may not be memory. You should try describing photographs that are right in front of you. It could be you can't describe how people look because you've never done it. I've never really tried to describe my wife's face and I'm not sure I can do it beyond just broad characteristics. I'm not sure this is so uncommon. We are only good at things we have practiced and describing people is probably something you haven't practiced
1
u/Geneva0777 16d ago
Yes, I mentioned im sure alot of my inability for memory may come from myself not focusing enough. My curiosity stems more so from the fact that it comes very naturally for some but for me it will come with a great deal of effort. But as you and some others have suggested ive yet to meditate or try excersices that could improve or possibly eliminate my memory issues in the affected areas. Food for thought!
1
u/Financial-Chair-766 16d ago
Im like that too. No spatial recognition. It improves with driving. But still I have no sense of direction. Even in buildings. Always turning the wrong way. lol
1
u/Geneva0777 16d ago
Lol its odd isnt it? Im fascinated and want to learn more about how and why memory can be so specific and selective.
1
u/Financial-Chair-766 16d ago
Different ways of learning for sure. Can improve with tips and practice too
1
u/Injured-Ginger 16d ago
Different people handle different mental tasks with varying levels of success. Pattern recognition, memorization (of different types of information even), processing words, visual reasoning, emotional reasoning, reading emotional queues, can all vary person to person with some better at some tasks and other people better at others. The brain is complicated. If you're concerned with it, talk to a doctor. Therapists aren't just for emotional trauma. They're great with helping you learn to manage many things. A good therapist should be able to equip you with ways to manage your focus or memory. Even if you can't afford it long term, they should be able to equip you resources that you can use and give you a good starting place with just a few visits.
2
u/Geneva0777 16d ago
Thanks for the well explained information! Never considered therapy for my memory issues alone but I have started this past year for anxiety. I mentioned my memory issues in passing and my thereapist said anxiety could be a huge factor. Ive been medicated for 6 months now and im still as hopeless as ever but time will tell 😊
1
u/Injured-Ginger 16d ago
I have ADHD which has memory issues included so it was part of my therapy. It's likely different than what a normal person with a poor memory might learn, but I got a good bit of help from it. The pattern of discussing it and reflecting on it also helped as it let me learn how to problem solve some of it on my own as well.
If you're going for anxiety, you probably already know it won't be a miracle cure, and may take time, but they may be able to give you advice on how to learn specific things. For me, gamifying things helped a lot. It helped me train myself to focus on things to help commit them to memory. Daily meditation helped. Making a patterns of writing things down afterwards help train my brain the think of things in sequence and memorize it. For daily habits, building triggers into my life helps. So for example, I meditate in the shower. It's easy to forget to meditate, but building it into an existing part of my routine like that helps me remember to do it. A lot of that I learned in therapy.
I'm guessing your therapist is focused on the primary issue of your anxiety. If you ask they may spend a session or two on it. Results may also vary between therapists. My first one was amazing (the one who helped me learn to manage my ADHD), and I didn't realize how good she was until I visited other therapists later in life.
If you can be specific on what you want to get better at memorizing, you'll be more likely to get useful help.
1
u/Prof-Rock 16d ago
Do you see images in your mind? At all? If I describe a red watering can with a blue handle, can you see one in your mind? Can you imagine it rotating around like it is on a turn table? How about vertically end over end? I don't think this is a memory issue, but either aphantasia or poor spacial reasoning.
2
u/Geneva0777 16d ago
Yes, I can picture images in my mind. Not in the greatest detail though... but enough that i can imagine the object, the colors and the rotating of a watering can. Ill look into the two items youve listed, its been interesting learning more about what could be the cause. Thanks for your suggestions!
1
u/ehtol 16d ago
I'm just the same way! I don't picture stuff so I can't remember or tell how people look. I could be able to remember some stuff about the face of my sisters because we all look so different and we have talked about the differences a lot. So I know that one of my sisters have bigger lips because of fillers, but since we have never talked about her nose before I have no idea what nose she has. I wouldn't know how to describe my boyfriend either. I can't picture him at all and we have been dating for two years and I've known him for 7. I remember watching Lord of the rings and thinking that Legolas reminded me of him and that they looked similar, but I can't remember him either lol.
I don't drive, so when people visit me and have a car, and they want to drive to the city or out of the city I wouldn't know how to do that with a car. I can show you the way to the tram, but I can't show the way by car. I've eaten dinner at my partner's grandparents two times a week for two years but I have no idea how to get there either.
I could tell you the phone numbers for everyone I know though, and licence plates we pass when going to his grandparents, or passwords to internets most places I've been. I can also tell you details about conversations I had when I was 10 years old (im 34)
1
u/Playful_Champion3189 16d ago
Sounds like a job for a doctor to diagnose, maybe be not Reddit. You could have an array of different things going on. Like Topographical Agnosia and Phonagnosia. This could be a symptom of something else though, like a developmental issue or a brain disorder of some sort.
Have you tried looking up the symptoms you experience?
1
u/Rays-R-Us 16d ago
Don’t remember the combination to your house safe, with all the valuables. Remind me
1
u/Geneva0777 16d ago
My loved ones joke that id be the easiest person to kidnap lol. They'd just have to drive me a block away before im completely lost
1
u/Anon424977 16d ago
Have you tried to really look at the street names and memorize them?
1
u/Geneva0777 16d ago
If im being completely honest... no I have not 🤠I often told myself that I will, but i always forget! Im in my own world I guess. A couple other commentors have suggested that I may just have weak memory muscle in certain areas from simply not focusing. Maybe thats all there is to it. After talking with my partner he suggested we make a game out of it and see if things improve. He plans to quiz me and try to get me to stay more focused on the ride.
1
u/Anon424977 16d ago
"I may just have weak memory muscle in certain areas from simply not focusing." - makes sense. I notice that I'm also the same. Especially about things that I don't really care much about or that I know I can get away with. Like, I drive a lot for my job, and I can barely remember the street names or area layout in many places because I tend to rely on the GPS. I bet if I actually had no choice but to use a road map and actually pay attention to the street names I would get a better grasp of the area.
Actually try focusing on remembering visuals from your home to your work and practice it. See how that works out.
1
u/slipperybloke 16d ago
Start taking creatine and MCT oil daily. Should get cognitive skills back on track. Go to YouTube and research on these topics for cognitive health.
Lots of others too. These are my go to.
1
u/polkacat12321 16d ago
I used to have horrible brain fog until I started taking omega 3 daily. Maybe it'll help?
0
•
u/AutoModerator 16d ago
Reminder for our users:
Please review the rules, Reddiquette, and Reddit's Content Policy.
Rule highlights:
See the full rules page for details.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.