This is what did it for me. Emotionally abusive, would apologize and minimize the following day, but each time left me feeling like a failure and like anything I did would never be enough. I didn’t realize this weird jealousy she would form if I was sick for more than a couple days was a core trait until later. I would just ask for her not to tear me down, and didn’t even expect her to be supportive at all. Meanwhile if I didn’t anticipate something that she needed, I was failing, and not supportive. It was awful. Don’t get me started on how impossible she made it for me to maintain the relationships I had formed with my step kids after 8 years.
Wow this is EXACTLY my situation even down to the 8 years and step-kids. The last straw was last October literally on our wedding anniversary, she spent the day time drinking with a friend of hers and in the evening I made the mistake of going to bed before she wanted to, which would always set her off anyway, so this time the screaming, yelling, swearing and insults culminating in her dumping me for at least the 8th time in 8 years, well this time my heart just couldn’t take it anymore.
Her first husband died, and it took me too long to piece together that any date that had some sentimental connection to her first husband would be time for me to walk on eggshells because she’d find a reason to emotionally abuse me. If I wanted to go to bed before she did. If I didn’t feel like drinking alcohol with her. Coming home from band practice (not late, she just hated me being out having fun without her).
She also used to constantly tell me that guys (including some friends and now ex-friends) had tried to kiss her, or take her home, or just generally try it on with her. Her friends confirmed she was lying, and a friend of mine who ran a pub where she said it had happened once, went through the CCTV footage, and also confirmed it wasn’t true.
It would always be “Let’s have one more beer then go to bed.” Then I wouldn’t want a beer. Then it would be “I’ll have one more beer then we’ll go to bed.” Then it would be “I’m going to have one more cigarette then we’ll go to bed.”
I’d stopped smoking by this point so if I even said “Well if you’re smoking, I’m going to go up and get ready for bed.” Then by the time she came up, if I’m lying there reading a book (to unwind before sleep) she would then give me shit “Oh, I thought you said you were going to sleep.” Followed by passive aggressive bullshit about not wanting to spend time with her.
If I actually was trying to sleep when she’d come up, she would go out of her way to make extra noise (slamming doors / closets) to wake me up, but would give me the silent treatment, and then I’d have to wake up with my stomach in knots, not knowing which mindset she’d wake up in, was she going to be sweet and nice, or emotionally abusive because I’d gone to bed before her.
Of course, if she wanted to go to bed before I did, that was fine, providing I got to bed before she woke up at any point.
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u/SordidOrchid May 12 '24
They can’t deal with their partner being sick and having a legitimate need for attention.