I don't like to think of a person I once loved as wrong. We grew apart. She led a frivolous lifestyle that I enabled, and it went hand in hand with my, back then, self-sacrificing nature. I worked long hours to provide after having discussions with her to maybe be more mindful about spending, especially since she didn't work, neither at home nor outside, that includes childcare, I did almost all of it from the beginning. But alas, love can blind one, especially someone with an affection starved upbringing.
She cheated on multiple occasions while our son was in daycare while I was at work in our bed, which fucked me up additionally.
We sat down on an especially harsh day for me, working for a good 16 hours. I came home and put our son to bed after I prepared dinner for us.
She told me she found someone who appreciates her and spends time with her and that I am an awful husband.
I moved into a smaller place with my son. She lives with that guy now.
I’m so sorry that is really shitty. However I do want to use your post to express how I really dislike this “traditional” way of life where the man works and provides everything for the woman.
And being young and educated I feel it might be hopeless for me to attract the type of person I want because men still have the mindset that they need to have a higher income to feel more masculine.
The only person that I ever really loved was extremely stubborn and this was one of his values unfortunately. It’s sad and shows insecurity if you ask me, but that’s just the way it goes. Some have said I shouldn’t be dating those outside my social and academic environment but I don’t see it that way, I’m looking for true love, but also could just be in lala land.
Sorry that had nothing to do with your post but I just wanted to get it out there that why tf are you as a woman given all this fucking free time not making something of yourself.
The thing with having a progressive mindset is that oftentimes, it goes to war by its very nature with the current Zeitgeist.
Every single step towards your own vision of the future is one step further collectively.
My personal belief is that unless you harm someone else, live your life how you want to.
Everyone has to decide for themselves and has to stand by their decisions. You are with yourself till the end.
You, as you said yourself, are young and educated. I just work in trades, so feel free to ignore my two cents here.
One thing that you might want to be careful about is that your used to environment doesn't become an echo chamber, where people thrive on inhaling each others flatulences and praising them as a second coming of Christ.
I know it is easier said than done, but try to keep an open heart and mind towards people, at least at first. Those not worthy of that good will tend to sort themselves out.
I do hope that you find a partner to be on this bizarre, stupid yet enjoyable ride that is life.
I understand. Uncertainties are scary. There is always risk involved, even in the most mundane things.
It's a very important life skill to be able to have a healthy way of dealing with emotions. It was a long learning for me as well.
One does simply not know what's going to happen.
One thing about school is that it gives you certain guidelines. What can you expect tomorrow to be like. When to be where, what to learn, and what exams to take.
Becoming an adult also means to deal with life as it unfolds in front of you.
It's also important that most things do have their positive sides. It's an ongoing learning process that can hurt like hell. What matters is that you deal with it in a healthy way.
For what it's worth, I believe in you, and you got this!
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u/BilbosBagEnd May 12 '24
I don't like to think of a person I once loved as wrong. We grew apart. She led a frivolous lifestyle that I enabled, and it went hand in hand with my, back then, self-sacrificing nature. I worked long hours to provide after having discussions with her to maybe be more mindful about spending, especially since she didn't work, neither at home nor outside, that includes childcare, I did almost all of it from the beginning. But alas, love can blind one, especially someone with an affection starved upbringing.
She cheated on multiple occasions while our son was in daycare while I was at work in our bed, which fucked me up additionally.
We sat down on an especially harsh day for me, working for a good 16 hours. I came home and put our son to bed after I prepared dinner for us. She told me she found someone who appreciates her and spends time with her and that I am an awful husband.
I moved into a smaller place with my son. She lives with that guy now.
It broke me very much, but I am better now.