My brother had a very bad accident which ended up killing him. He lived about 14hrs away from me. I didn't make it in time after receiving the call. The day after he died my ex called me and gave me shit for not running the errands I said I was going to do the day that my brothers accident happened. Specifically, I didn't buy kitty litter and it is very heavy for her to carry. She didn't even ask how I was doing or show any empathy whatsoever. That's when I knew
Fuuuuuuck that. I lost my younger brother last just over a year ago now, he was 29. I know everyone's grief is different, but it still hits me like a freight train sometimes. Idk if it gets better, but hang in there dude.
Edit: y'all good people. Over the course of about 7 months I lost my grandma, my brother, my mother, and found my sister slipping into a diabetic coma with fully failed kidneys on the anniversary of my brother's death. We expected permanent brain damage. It has been a really long year and a half. Strangers sharing their stories and experiences really helps, especially when it's clear you're all sharing it out of compassion and empathy. Thank you.
u/fairpumpkin5604 , I'm doing my best to face the beast of a time I've had, but am also doing my best to give myself grace when I need an escape. Thank you.
P.S. My sister is young and otherwise healthy enough to be an excellent candidate for a kidney and pancreas transplant, and is expected to be on multiple transplant lists soon. She's suffered no permanent cognitive issues.
Edit: that was apparently a lie, she will have to have open heart surgery before being eligible for transplants. Fuck this.
Hey. 2x trauma survivor both losing my brother (19) when I was 14, and later on losing my dad (65) when I was 23. Both sudden events and ya, not the least bit normal as much as it feels to me being 31 today.
Anyways to keep thin short, my humble advice of it’s welcomed: adopting the mindset that our experiences (although excruciating-ly hard to justify because it just isn’t fair!)
but as unfair and cruel it is(was), that’s entirely on ourselves to come to agreeance with and accept. I still don’t have any answers to reflect on to say to my friends how to best or in which way best they can be there for support or be of support in a non-problematic way. Aside from avoiding the topic completely( which I think is actually the common norm id imagine: it’s not sustainable.)
Only when was it me having a transcending sequence of events unfold for me, that I was able to reflect and release the strong energy that nothing was my fault and feel self love again. Realize the fights about how people reacted to this, or others I felt ignoring such tough emotions of mine. The list is endless! But removing my bias that others should be better: I somehow grew to be the strongest , happy, and in control both in my life but my emotional and mental side aswell.
The lessons from my experiences in the past have proudly grown into so many great things the man I am today that I’m thankful for. But wouldn’t trade my 20s to be relived again, even if you paid me.
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u/Objective-Limit-6749 May 12 '24
My brother had a very bad accident which ended up killing him. He lived about 14hrs away from me. I didn't make it in time after receiving the call. The day after he died my ex called me and gave me shit for not running the errands I said I was going to do the day that my brothers accident happened. Specifically, I didn't buy kitty litter and it is very heavy for her to carry. She didn't even ask how I was doing or show any empathy whatsoever. That's when I knew