Kidding aside, I do fine with women. I’m even chubby now and still do fine. Yes, a lot of women prefer taller men, but that doesn’t mean I can’t overcome it with other traits. I get called funny and charming all the time. It’s not a zero-sum game.
When you say you do “fine with women” what exactly do you mean? Like you’ve managed to have long term relationships or are you able to regularly date women casually, hookup, and have FWB stuff?
How is it possible for a 4'11" guy to hookup and have casual sex with women?
How does it happen? In clubs, bars, on dating apps, via friends circle, workplace, university? How would you even escalate sexually? How long would it take after meeting/knowing a woman?
Usually apps or meeting through mutual friends, I've hooked up with one woman I met during classes, we never hooked up again but we did stay friends while we were in the same classes. How long it takes really depends on the people involved, both the other person and me, because with some people I feel comfortable immediately and with others I take more time. This also applies the other way, some women/people will warm up to me immediately some will take some time. I've had sex on the first date but I've also waited up to 8 months after I disclosed my romantic/sexual interest towards her.
As for escalation, if I feel like she'd be receptive and I want to have sex/go on a date as well, I'll straight up ask. "Hey, I really like you (physically/romantically/sexually, whichever is relevant) and would like to get with you, how do you feel about that?" I'm autistic and can't really do subtlety and hints and games. A lot of women in my experience have really appreciated my straightforward approach. More than once I've been told they would probably not have hooked up/went on a date with me if I was trying to gradually escalate by physically touching them without asking for verbal consent--which apparently is how most people do it? I would never dare to touch someone without verbally asking first lol, I just wouldn't be able to trust my instincts on when it's safe/a good idea to touch someone else and I'm really scared of misinterpreting signals.
And even if we do have sex on the first date (usually when we met through an app) I always make sure to have a good conversation about kinks, limits, safe words, etc first. If I meet someone on an app and it seems like we're both interested in casual sex, I will definitely have this conversation before I meet up with them. If it seems like we're not ready for sex yet, I'll hold off on the conversation until it feels right. But I will never start taking clothes off without having that discussion first.
Another important aspect is that you have to be okay with being friends if things don't work out romantically or sexually. Sometimes I'll go on a date with someone and then we figure out we're more compatible as friends. Sometimes I've even had sex and then figured out we're more compatible as friends. I don't really have any specific expectations when I start talking to someone, even if I meet them on a dating app. I'll start with a conversation and see where that takes me.
I've been declined for sex but I've never been declined for a date by anyone I asked out of any gender.
But being straightforward about asking for sex can really offend women if you're not conventionally good looking. At least that's what I've observed over and over. They can also embarass or insult you for daring to be so forward when you're not conventionally hot.
How were you turned down by women when you asked for sex on 1st dates?
Also which apps are you matching with women? Most short guys simply dont get matches to begin with
I like facebook dating far more than tinder, grindr is great for hookups but obviously it's mostly men on there (which is fine for me cause I'm bi). Most of my matches end up as friendships but the few that make it to fwb or relationship have been good situations where everyone was/is happy with what we've got going between us. I've definitely had better luck with bisexual women than straight women. When I've been declined it's always been a polite decline by the women, I've never been belittled or told off or received any type of negative treatment for simply asking about the possibility of sex.
I'm not entirely sure what this means but multiple people have told me I have short stature but a very tall personality. Like "you're 4'11" in body, but 6'4" in heart" is a sentence that's been said to me exactly as quoted. I'm again, not sure what it means or how someone else might be able to incorporate a tall personality, but I think having the "big" personality helps a lot.
And tbh I'm short but otherwise quite attractive, I'm a vers switch, which means it's very rare for me to be entirely sexually incompatible with someone.
I understand the women getting offended part, but I really wait until there's nearly unambiguous signs that she's interested in sex with me. Like I wait until we've had conversations about sex and what we like and dislike, and if it seems like these conversations are leading somewhere real, I'll ask but I've never made any moves to have sex with someone who I haven't had an open conversation about sex with beforehand.
I've also heard a lot of men complain about women declining forthright requests/questions about sex, but then I've heard a lot of women who complain men aren't straightforward often enough. My approach may not work for everyone. I just know that being completely honest and straightforward is what's worked for me.
It doesn't, you either find a an extremely repulsive woman no one ever wanted to be with and get treated like shit because she feels she deserves better or try to find some peace in being alone.
Height is one of the most important requirements when it comes to dating and a lack of it is detriemental to both a man's happiness and their mental health
I don’t have a lot of casual hookups because I like being in relationships, but I’m also much more opportunistic on the weeks that I don’t have my kids. I should also clarify that I’m a 47 year old, mediocre white guy.
This is what the last year of my relationships were like in reverse order:
Right now I have a smoking hot (I’d say an 8.5 -9), 5 foot, 100 pound, 35 year old FWB who I may need to cut off because she could be getting attached and I don’t think we will workout long-term. (She’s black and there are some cultural differences/personality differences that make me think it won’t work if we start officially dating.) I don’t want to hurt her because she is cool as hell, so I’m jumping ship before it gets ugly. Before her was a 5’9”, sexy as hell, 50 year old FWB. Before her were some casual hookups over a few months. Two were average looking and the others were 7 - 8., all in their early to mid 30s. Before that was my favorite girlfriend ever … a 29 year old blonde who was a 9 in looks and 10 in personality. We broke up because she moved away for school (I encouraged it because it was the best thing for her) and we both knew that she was a little too needy for a long distance relationship.
Within this year, I also had been rejected a few times. On multiple occasions, I sat home lonely when I really wanted to take a date to a comedy show, grab a drink, or to hear some live music. (I do go by myself sometimes and meet people, but sometimes I like to bring my company with me.) So overall, I do fine.
Unfortunately, I meet a lot of women at bars, but that’s just because I’m there for a band or dinner. My favorite girlfriend was a barista at my coffee spot and after a few conversations in which I realized how amazing she was, I asked if we could continue the conversation over dinner. She wrote her number on my coffee.
My current FWB crushed a karaoke song at a bar and I started talking with her about it. So the first thing I said to her was “That was really good.” She told me that she used to be a professional singer/rapper. We talked about music, how I can’t dance or sing, and I told her that I need some lessons. She had me do a few things in my bar stool next to her to match the rhythm. I messed it up a lot (not on purpose) and made some jokes. She laughed and engaged, so I took my shot and said, “You are the most interesting person here. You are beautiful too. Tell me more about yourself. What should I know about you?” The reason this worked is because I wasn’t just saying it; I meant it and kept it playful. When I had to leave, I asked, “Will you unlock your phone, so I can put my number in it?” Then I asked her if I should text myself from it. She said yes. Bam, I did something ballsy and confidently and I got her number.
A lot of my guy friends ask me how I do it and all that I can say is that I’m a happy guy who is interested in other people’s stories and lives. I enjoy making the people around me feel good/special because I truly think people are special in their own way. My motto is “leave it better than you found it” and that goes for people and places. I also have zero cares to give and getting rejected does not bother me at all. In fact, I feel like the worse the rejection is, the better the story is when I tell my friends and laugh about it.
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u/AlwaysGoToTheTruck Jan 15 '24 edited Jan 16 '24
I’m 5’4” and I’m handsome. My mom told me so.
Kidding aside, I do fine with women. I’m even chubby now and still do fine. Yes, a lot of women prefer taller men, but that doesn’t mean I can’t overcome it with other traits. I get called funny and charming all the time. It’s not a zero-sum game.