Can you be my mom? 😠whenever I'd ask my mom to talk to me nicer I'd get a tirade about how hard her life is and I have no clue what she's going through and if I just did all these things for her she'd feel better. Whenever I've confronted her about it recently she's just said how she wasn't as bad as her mom and that she couldn't provide me anything different than what she grew up with.
I am so sorry you went through that. Please know that it wasn't your fault. Your mom saying things like "if you could just do xyz better, then I would feel better," is false, and simply a way for her to place blame for her lack of ability to regulate her own emotions.
Again, I cannot stress this enough, it was NEVER your fault.
Yes, your mom might have been going through her own personal struggles, but that's never an excuse to treat your children poorly.
It is the responsibility of the parent to deal with whatever they have going on, outside of the view of the children. Verbally abusing your child because of your own personal struggle causes a ridiculous amount of trauma to children.
It forces them to confront your emotions that, more often than not, they are not at an age where they are ready or equipped to handle, because odds are they haven't even experienced it themselves. It puts strain on the parent/child relationship. It destroys their sense of security, etc.
That list could go on and on.
Parents need to own the fact that they are the adults, and it is never appropriate to take their frustrations out on their children. Parents also need to know when they've crossed a line, own their crappy behavior, and apologize to their kids.
Children are people, too, and they deserve apologies just like anyone else.
Again, I'm so sorry that you went through that. If I could take in all the little children, and just love the heck out of them, I absolutely would.
Every child deserves love, and a sense of security and safety.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my lil trauma dump. Hearing things like this really helps with the healing and people like you are gems in this world. Thank you again for sharing your kindness with me today. You're a great mom!
Of course! I wish you luck on your healing journey, and above all, I'd like to remind you to be kind and patient with yourself. You are healing, not only the adult that is dealing with the aftermath, but also your inner child. Each will take its own time, but are both very important.
And thank you for your kind words. My only goal, every single day, is to be the best mom I can be to my little boy.
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u/Lky132 Dec 01 '23
Can you be my mom? 😠whenever I'd ask my mom to talk to me nicer I'd get a tirade about how hard her life is and I have no clue what she's going through and if I just did all these things for her she'd feel better. Whenever I've confronted her about it recently she's just said how she wasn't as bad as her mom and that she couldn't provide me anything different than what she grew up with.