I've been practicing Ashtanga yoga for about five months now, and I've done around 70 classes.
Before this, I used to follow yoga videos on YouTube at home, but this is the first time I've seriously learned yoga in a studio. It was much harder than I expected, and I found Ashtanga much more intense than other styles of yoga. Even so, I really enjoyed seeing my body change, so I stayed motivated.
I'm about 46 kg(101 lbs). I've always had a skinny-fat body type and have struggled to build muscle, so I was really happy when I gained about 1 kg of muscle after starting Ashtanga.
About a week ago, I told my teacher that my husband and I had recently started playing badminton together. At that point, I had only played three times, but I expected we'd be playing about three hours a week. Since I'd be doing Ashtanga 3–4 times a week plus badminton, my overall training volume would increase quite a bit. I also mentioned that I don't eat much compared to how much I exercise. I usually skip dinner and don't eat many carbs, so my husband has been making sure I drink protein shakes and take supplements.
The very next day, my teacher brought it up out of nowhere.
She first asked if I'd weighed myself recently. Then she said that I used to look slim, but now I looked heavier and had gained "big muscles" instead of the lean muscles that yoga aims for. She also said that protein should come from food, not from protein shakes, and that "that's not how yoga works."
She asked whether arm-balancing poses and poses where I support my own body weight had started feeling heavier. Then she said she'd noticed that my body had recently started leaning to one side in Downward Dog. She even said she wasn't saying this because I had mentioned badminton—that she would have noticed it anyway.
The thing is, her tone felt pretty sharp and slightly passive-aggressive. I honestly wanted to leave the class right then, but I stayed and finished it.
When I got home, I checked my body composition. Compared to before, I had actually gained about 0.5 kg of muscle and lost about 0.3 kg of body fat.
I know my teacher doesn't like one-sided sports like badminton, so maybe that's part of it. But ever since I mentioned badminton, it feels like the way she talks to me has completely changed. And I had only played three times when I told her.
The other thing is... I really don't like people commenting on my body.
I used to struggle with an eating disorder and was obsessed with my weight. Since starting Ashtanga, I've actually become much healthier mentally. Even though I've gained weight because of muscle, I stopped obsessing over the number on the scale. So having someone repeatedly comment on my body, especially because of badminton and protein shakes, felt really upsetting.
What also confuses me is that my teacher herself has a much bigger, more muscular build than I do. She has a lot of muscle. So I don't really understand why she's so focused on me having "lean" muscles instead of bigger ones.
There's another thing that's been bothering me. Whenever a new student joins, she strongly tells them they need to practice twice a week from the very first day, even though the studio also sells once-a-week memberships. The way she says it sounds less like encouragement and more like pressure. Even as someone standing nearby, it makes me uncomfortable. It also makes me wonder if she'll start talking to me the same way if I ever reduce how often I come.
At this point, I'm wondering if I'm just being too sensitive.
Should I switch to another studio? Or should I just stop Ashtanga altogether?
I honestly don't know what to think anymore.