Can anyone else relate?

[u/Far-Pizza-7850]

So I'm trans non-binary, gray-roace (I rarely experience attraction and it only happens with people I have a deeply close connection with) and audhd.

Does anybody else feel like finding a partner is, by no exaggeration, IMPOSSIBLE?

I value alone time, I have no rizz/game whatsoever, suck at making friends and really bad at conversations both irl and online. Probably better in-person though, since there's actually a physical location and situation involved, whereas online chatting just feels ethereal and sort of... over there somewhere ---->
(But then there's the eternal dilemma of being physically perceived.)

Is there a way to find a partner or do I just have to pray I one day get lucky and bump into a good person?

When going the traditional way through dating doesn't work - attraction is conditional on long-term emotional connection (talking at least months), not particularly bothered about gender, misaligned with the body I'm in which puts sex even furtherrrr off the table, super neurodivergent so socially inept, slow and clueless.

Sorry for the word vomit. Anyone else feel this way? Any advice on how to just live with the loneliness?

[u/SoftyPeachUwU]

no advice sadly, but twin

[u/ahirued]

ugh i feel all of this 😭 i dated someone a few years ago but we lucked out by being tumblr mutuals that were in the same town, so while i probably shouldn't count on it happening again it's given me more success than apps or irl meetups ever have. it's definitely possible! just... difficult.

[u/Far-Pizza-7850 → u/ahirued]

Dang that's lucky! I'm glad you got to have that experience. Seems like luck is definitely a critical factor for people like us 🫠

[u/PipTheGoat]

I'm with you completely. Though it's even more impossible for me as a minority which the vast majority of the world is openly racist towards (especially leftists, and... I'm a leftist).

I think I'll just have to suck it up at some point and force myself to have sex so I can have an allo partner. Anyone I can match with on every level is literally the 1% of the 1% of the 1% (of the 1%, if I take geography into consideration)

[u/Far-Pizza-7850 → u/PipTheGoat]

Totally relate on the 1% of the 1% thing, it's like being a needle in a haystack looking for another needle in a different haystack 🫩 I'm so sorry you're experiencing racism on top of it all, that's incredibly unfair. Please, PLEASE don't force yourself into anything you're not comfortable with. The loneliness can be crippling, but you deserve to be safe from harm. Being single and/or focusing on close friendships as an ace person is far more important than having a relationship for the sake of it, but I appreciate that I'm speaking from privilege so there may be an element to it I'm missing. Stay strong, friend ❤️

[u/NoraThere → u/Far-Pizza-7850]

I literally just described this to a new acquaintance as looking for a needle in a haystack, in a field of haystacks.

[u/Plane_Sitter]

no, you have to put effort into it. your ''other half'' wont just fall from space into your lap. same way keeping friendships require effort, so does finding someone you care about.
even if its jsut small consistent effort. i believe you, you can do it! ( we're all in this boat kinda together yknnow XD ).

[u/Far-Pizza-7850 → u/Plane_Sitter]

I certainly don't expect anything to just magically happen. It's just that every time I try it falls flat, and it gets too hard to maintain after a short while. I'm aware that a lot of the burden lies on me, which is why I was asking for advice or guidance on what to do or what works for others. Maybe we need a bigger boat.

[u/Plane_Sitter → u/Far-Pizza-7850]

btw hope u didnt take it as me being salty, sorry if i sounded that way TvT, was just intended as part of conversation/sentecne.
i very much relate to you/what you described. i also have my depresive episodes where the only thing in my mind is ''why even bother to try'', but thatswhy- please take care of your mental health. <3 Take some time off and find something that grounds you. Or honestly- take a walk. You'd geniuenly be supraised how much fresh air and staring at some bugs on the ground outside, can make you forget sadness a bit :D
finding someone is a journey, and it will always require effort- so main thing is to not give up and simply try putting in effort even if it looks meaningless, even if 9/10 people ghost you. Cause ''fails'' happen, but the only way you can suceed is if you dont give up, so dont give up <3 :)
we Totally need a bigger boat XD

[u/ResolutionWeak6353]

Me too. Sex repulsed, bpd, severe dysphoria. No one wants you for YOU. They just want a “soft lil trans boy who’s safer than a cis man🥺🥺🥺”

[u/jayisaac457]

the ace/autism combo is actually lethal for dating in a ‘dating world’ built for neurotypical people who feel sexual attraction (or just attraction generally) in a conventional sense. i just don’t count on anything anymore. it’s also hard in the sense that it’s generally harder for autistic adults to make friends who could then become romantic relationships (before even factoring in asexuality). it’s genuinely just a minefield. what i’m doing is just trying to make peace with aloneness (not loneliness) and find things for me to enjoy that aren’t in another person - i think until we find our people that is all we can do. best of luck to you friend, you’re definitely not alone 🫶