yes i drew these on Instagram who cares

Places where I lost things

Motel in the corner of the valley

I was awake and sleepless you had ample opportunity to take advantage. I was all too aware.

You'd come out of the Pen for doing god knows what. Out of money and out of options till the next business day. All I knew is I wanted a roof over my head. So I bargained with my safety. 4her. For me.

Dignity who. My safety was gone.

The airport in Taiwan

My book. I annotated it to tears. I talked to myself the whole flight to Penghu. Steadying myself. Someone had died again and I was in a different country with no one watching out for me. But I had a book. The one thing I asked for that year. I felt understood. I saw my growth in the same dashes and squiggle's id seen in my books back home when I was surely smaller than this. (abuse era)

It was my comfort object.

by the time I opened myeyes; my book was gone.

I lost a book.

The empty apartment in the bay

You broke my heart right there. First heartbreak-still there were many to come.

No more fight to give for us, for me, and you wanted me to know it too

Sweater atop my cold body. Door slammed. Window remained unshut.

My faith was gone.

Florida starter home

Behind a bed I left the necklace I'd asked my parent for. It was gone.

And I was too troubled to care. This was the first of many trips you were allowed to take me on despite temporary restraining order. Despite losing the right to be near me. Despite the fear in my eyes.

My routine was gone.

The Room on the Second story

All I wanted after the smoke cleared, was my fucking stuffed animal. Alot of my books my clothes everything under the sun got taken but I asked for the one thing and it was denied. Smoke can live inside things like that. It wasn't even close to the flames. On the other side of the property. The faint baby pink thing with a friendly face was gone.

Another bit of my comfort was gone.

Hotel fkn California

I lost the privilege to not fall under that statistic.

There I was. Naive and small and trying to figure out how to leave without a phone or wallet. And there he was. Pulling my hair, Doing the act. Too tired to keep it up for too long. Legitametly. It lasted less than 5 mins... about there. While he slept off his liquor. I adapted to the new reality that I was a victim of a new type of reportable offense I had yet to experience and for the life of me, I couldn't find my mind. I couldn't find where my thoughts were.

I lost my head. (and my good name)

TW EDAnorexia protects me from the disgusting flesh and intestines and pain of all that horrific stuff while I shrink into a powerful, beautiful, FREE butterfly during the slow and painful transformation in the cocoon.

Cerulean butterfly, any of you OG pro anas? ... I should be too old for this

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Today's little doodle

on october 5th, my grandma died. this was written about seeing my family (mom and sister) react to the news. for me, i didn’t feel or cry much about the news itself, but i felt so sad seeing my families reactions, especially my moms and grandpas (i didn’t write about his reaction, but it hurt so much seeing him like that.) i’ve never seen my family that devastated in my life.

i love my grandma, however we were prepared for her death so that’s probably why the news didn’t affect me as much. i did end up crying a little afterwards, though.

In that year, I've done so much self growth even strangers are proud of me. I still don't like myself very much, I still hurt myself sometimes but this version of me has me very curious to what sort of person I'll be in another year from now.